Thursday, September 8, 2011

A very long blog about nothing at all and everything in particular

I read a book a few years back called the Happiness Project.
At that particular point in my life I was far from happy.
In fact, I was miserable.
There were many factors that went into my state of unhappiness including the fact that I had two VERY small children to tend to but that wasn't the only thing.

I still on occasion get a bought of depression. I'm pretty sure that is a normal thing to suffer through those unexplainable rough times. I would be pretty worried about myself if I were REALLY happy all of the time and I am pretty sure I would annoy the heck out of the people around me.

Being a psychology major I am very attune to the rhythms of my life, my day.
I try my best to keep myself balanced with exercise, eating right, not taking on too much at once, allowing myself some quiet time through out the day and making sure my priorities stay where I believe they should be.

My husband does a wonderful job at helping me keep this balance.
He is my in-house therapist.
We have had many late night talks around the kitchen table about things that I guess "normal" people don't seem to care about.
I for some reason am always searching for the deeper meaning behind things.

I think I think too much.

There are days when I have so much on my plate I want to explode and those are the days that I have to fall back on my massive bag of coping skills that I have acquired through the years.

With the weather like it has been and the fact that Mr Roger is in seminary, leaving me alone to fight off my own demons, I have been opening the coping bag a lot lately.

I am a major journal person. 
I love carrying my mole skin journal with me at all times to jot down funny things that happen, anxieties that I am feeling and little ideas that pop into my head.
There have been many days that I have been so frustrated or depressed that I have found myself journalling my way out of the deep dark hole.
There is something so freeing about getting everything out on paper.
Reading it back gives me the opportunity to see it through a different eye.

Another coping skill that I have acquired is the fitness center.
I have always suffered from anxiety. Ever since I was little I have been fighting off this demon.
I didn't really know what it was until I was in college.
That last year my anxiety got REALLY bad.
So bad that I was having several attacks a day.
I had a lot on my plate...... I was working part time, had a toddler and was in my last year of college.
I went to see a therapist who helped me see what was going on with my body and how to keep my anxiety in check with a combination of thinking skills, exercise and diet.
I HAVE to go to the gym at least 3 times a week or I go CRAZY.
No seriously.
I go NUTS.
Ask any close friend. 
The night before I had my pacemaker replaced I was so stressed out that I started doing jumping jacks in the middle of our friends' living room as that sat saying "jess, are you ok?"
The cardio helps soothe my tension.
Sometimes I go more than 3 times a week if I am having a rough week.
I have learned to listen to my body and I am more able to pick up on the signs that I am getting ready to have an attack.

Anyway, back to the book.
The book is a memoir of this woman attempting to make herself happier my changing little things in her daily life.
It is a very interesting read.
One of the things that she mentions is "accomplishing a nagging task."
You know those tasks that are always on the back of our minds and we think "gosh I don't want to do that but it has to be done" and all we do is think about it and NEVER actually do it?
Well, that is one major thing that I got from the book that I continue to use.
When I have a nagging task I DO IT.
I suffer through the initial starting and I DO IT.
Now I know I sound completely psycho but listen to me, it is SO INVIGORATING to be doing a nagging task and get it accomplished.

This afternoon I decided to do the dreaded clothes change over.
You know, changing out the kids summer clothes for their winter clothes.
I always dread starting it but once I start the process I have SO MUCH fun.
I have taken on the less is best philosophy with life so I don't really have a LOT of clothes for the kids or myself.  I keep it simple.  A couple of jeans, a couple of shirts...... and so on.

I'm TRYING to teach my husband this!!

It makes going through the clothes a lot easier and picking out clothes to wear so much more simple.
Plus I am far from a pack rat.   That's my husband.  The man wants to keep EVERYTHING.
I have to sneak into his stuff and throw the junk away.
LESS IS BEST Roger.  Less is BEST.

So, I am feeling pretty good!
However, I am feeling like a complete NUTT job for typing out this whole long blog just to inform you that I cleaned out the kids chest of drawers and that I am very excited about it. 
Crap, I have lost my mind.
I blame it on the fact that Roger has been gone so much and I am lacking some intellectual conversation.
No one else in this house seems to want to talk theology with me.

Anna and Paul just want to talk about how she is a ninja princess and he is a dragon fly.

oh crap I forgot  I'm suppose to be cooking dinner.

 I didn't burn it yet!!!

Here is a clip to reward you for reading to the bottom of this random blog
It is of me and may dad during the Father-Daughter dance at the wedding reception.

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