I've been wanting to write a blog post, one about the past 2 weeks, but it has been hard for me to process all of the emotions that I, and the kids, and Roger, have been going through. Some days I just don't feel like seeing anybody, some days I do NOT want to be alone.
This year has been full of incredible loss and so many trials.
I just finished reading the book of Job. I like reading depressing books of the Bible when I am depressed. It helps. During my 2 cousins' viewing, as I sat there listening to the same song playing over and over again, watching a mom, a dad, and a brother grieve, I read through Ecclesiastes. "So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievious to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind." (ecc 2:17)
On July 2, 2013 at exactly midnight, Roger's grandmother took her last breath. We knew the end was coming, she had been diagnosed with stage 4 Pancreatic cancer in May, but even when you know the end is coming the loss is still hard. In the days leading up to her passing we took turns sitting by her bedside, holding her hand, talking to her when she was able.
This week has been a lot harder than I thought it would. The amount of grief that I have gone through this year is finally feeling a bit overwhelming. First my 2 cousins, then the wife of a beloved minister, now Gran. I'm just tired, completely worn out. I want to go into a cave with my family and snuggle. I guess I'm just mostly tired. It has been a LONG summer.
Oh, and did I mention that the church moved locations? Yep. And then there is THAT. Not that I helped move, but I did stay at home, and I am staying at home, for hours and hours, and days and days with 2 children. They've actually been REALLY good and a LOT of fun, but it is still exhausting, child rearing.
The great news is that we still have our vacations coming up! I am so looking forward to them. We are headed to the Ozarks with Roger's sister Layla and her husband Aaron and then to Edisto Island with my mom, dad, brothers, and their wives. And of course we are taking our kids, Paul and Anna, on both trips. It really should be great fun. The mountains and the lake, followed by the beach!
I'm excited for a some detox. I feel like these vacations will be the restart button for all of us. We have ALL (all the people listed above) have had a rough year. I'm looking forward to the car rides, the conversations, the spontaneous fun, and the adventure of it all.
On a lighter note, I made Paul promise me when he gets married that for the Mother-Son dance we can do a choreographed dance. I saw this video and got all teary eyed thinking about my kids growing up.