Saturday, November 20, 2010

Super Cleaners to the Rescue

Friday night as Roger and I were settling in for the evening, kids in bed, I looked at him with exhausted eyes and said  "i am so glad tomorrow is Saturday. I totally need a day of rest!"   

RING RING RING went the cell phone

It was the Realtor "a couple wants to look at your house in winchester tomorrow at 1pm! Is that ok?"

What you need to know is that we moved last weekend from winchester to Etown and the house for sell in Winchester is a wreck. You know.....the normal bumps on the wall, dust balls all over the floor, random trash here and there, that happens when you abandon a house quickly

"Oh my gosh Roger we can't let someone see that house like that." -me

We called Roger's mom in for back up. She agreed to drive up early to watch the kids for us!

Saturday morning Roger and I left Etown at 8am to drive to Winchester to super clean the house before the couple arrived at 1pm. It was NUTS. I cleaned the house (toilets, moped, the yucky refrigirator, the yucky laundry room gunk..........) while Roger walked around touching up the paint, and fixing little nail holes.  At one point while i was on the floor scrubbing the laundry room floor (you know how those can get so yucky) I yelled out to Roger as he was painting the living room "how are we doing on time?" He yelled back "ummm we need to be out in like 1 minute.  We have one minute. hurry!"







****** PRAY IN THE CAR BEFORE WE DRIVE AWAY "dear Lord please sell this house PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE." *********

WOW that was a close one. We left the house 5 min before they were suppose to arrive. I sure hope they liked it. I really hope they liked it. I hope they call us any minute now and say that can't live without it. ;)

Before heading back to etown we stopped in to eat lunch at our favorite winchester spot as a way to say "bye bye winchester."  

When we got back to Etown we loaded the family up and headed to The Whistle Stop to celebrate that the house was clean!  Paul and Anna even got to see the train go by and I got to window shop a bit before Anna decided that the antique store we were in was a playground.  Paul -"wow mom look at all this junk. Now this is some cool junk."  He loves antique shopping. His eyes light up when he finds some cool old toy! Anna loves to try to sit in the really old chairs as I scream out "no no no no don't sit in that oh no no no"  her response "but why?"

Ok. I am exhausted. Now it is church on sunday followed by Thanksgiving at my parents. Is it me or are the days going by faster and are even more crazy?  

Im going to bed at 9pm tonight.

Paul quote of the day:  "Come on mom. Let's get a farm. We can plow the back yard and grow some corn on the cob so we wont have to go to the store to get it. We can even get some cows and melt them. (he meant milk) Now, we are going to need a trailer to take them to the slaughter store so we can eat the meat. Yep! I'm pretty sure that back yard there is plenty of space for our farm mom! Hey mom, how do you melt a cow? (he meant milk)"

now this makes me giggle EVERY TIME

Friday, November 19, 2010

A non nagging marriage

This morning started off just like every morning in this crazy lovable family. Roger and I were woken up to a "DING DONG" of the door bell at 7:40am. Our alarm hadn't gone off so I rushed to the front door in my night mask, pjs and no bra while Roger hopped around the room putting pants on. We were told that a guy was coming to fix our window around 8am but Roger had set our alarm for 6pm instead of AM. I know, we have all been there. Snuggled in our beds only to realize that WE ARE LATE.

"Umm mommy are you going to take me to school?" was the next thing that I heard. As I stood in the living room half awake I yelled out "well, crap. today was suppose to be Paul's first day to see his new school," as I took off in a mad dash to the bathroom. Roger just gave the "go ahead. don't worry. I'll fix the kids breakfast" head nod.

We managed to snap a "going to a new school for the first time" picture. Paul is holding his preschool application. He looks super excited here but he was rather sappy on the way to school "but mom. Best friends are suppose to hang out together and have fun. You're my best friend mom. I love you. Why are you taking me to school? i'll miss you forever."  My response "I know it is scary Paul. I am terrified about you going to school. however, it is just for 2 1/2 hrs a day and I just know that you'll love it!"

 He did LOVE IT even though he refused to go in the room. I stood in the door while he peaked around the corner "checking things out."  His little eyes lit up when they started working on math "hey mom. I know that stuff. ya see mom, 5 minus 2 is 3!!!! I know this stuff!"  He waved at several of the kids in a "hey! I'm super paul" kinda way. He was AMAZED that his new school had its own library, gym AND computer lab.  "WOW mom. Now that is pretty cool!"

When we got home Paul and I took our very first bike ride around the neighborhood! He rode his big boy training wheel bike and I rode my trek. It was wonderful to be able to giggle with him all afternoon! 

Now, beware, Roger just might be horribly mad at me for writing what I am about to write but I am willing to make the scarafice for all you lovey wives out there. Ok, here I go.

This afternoon, as I stood in the yard looking up at the roof I couldn't help but think "you know what, I am going to clean those gutters......right now."   So, I got me a chair to reach the gutters and started to clean them out with my bare hands. yuck? oh no, ya see, I LOVE to get my hands dirty. I love doing jobs that have that nice satisfaction of "I did that and it is done."

Well, my husband came out to check on his crazy wife only to find me trying to figure out how to climb up on the roof to sweep the leaves off.

 "oh no. you don't need to do that. Here let me do that" -Roger
I helped him get on the roof and handed him a broom

 He even ended up finishing the gutter cleaning project that I started!
 I grabbed the rake to start cleaning up the leaves on the ground and he said "oh no. you don't need to do that. here let me do that."
At  first I was a bit offended "hey buddy just because I'm a chick doesn't mean I can't get my hands dirty or climb up on the roof." I was raised that if you want something done then do it yourself. but then it came to me "I don't have to nag my husband to do stuff. Instead, I just start doing it myself, he feels bad sitting back watching me and decides to do it himself!"   THIS IS AWESOME!  Roger does this stuff all the time. i start something and he finishes it. 

Maybe that's why we don't have that nagging relationship? I don't know. 

But I do know that I am no longer going to be offended when he steps in and takes over. I used to get so mad when he looked out the window, saw me mowing the grass and demanded in a loving way that I let him finish the yard work. "Listen buddy, I can push this lawn mower just as well as you can."

I totally need to take advantage of this new found knowledge. I'm glad it only took 6 1/2 years of marriage to figure this out!!!!  

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Making a House a Home

One of the major things I was looking for in a house was a big front porch that could hold my swing! One that I could sit on with a nice warm cup of tea while the kids played in the front yard. 

The second thing was a big back yard for the kids to play in!

The third thing was TREES! I wanted lots of trees!

The forth thing was a peaceful neighborhood!

 The fifth thing was a garage to store our outside toys, bikes and cars.

The last, and most important thing, was that we find a house near the church. ( it takes me like 3 min to get there)

I never really thought I would find all of those things in a house that we would ever be able to afford. 

But I still prayed for it. 

And then a house fell out of the sky into our laps. 

We have so much space that I feel like I am living on a farm. The kids are able to ride their bikes in the drive-way, around the neighborhood and chase each other on their little electric four wheelers in the yard! Just yesterday I took them for one of those "brave mommy" walks where Anna was on her little electric four wheeler and Paul was on his big boy bike. I walked between them yelling "paul stop at that fire hydrant" and "Anna stop driving into the grass. Stay on the side walk." It sounds stressful but it was rather pleasant because I didn't have that fear that they were going to get run over by a car. All the cars that drove by were going really slow and everyone waved!

Here is an adorable picture of Roger working hard to put the blinds up downstairs with the help of Builder Anna. Builder Paul was eager to use the electric drill but we informed him that he "was not to ever touch it."  Can you imagine if builder Paul got ahold of a screw gun?  oh boy.

Paul quote of the day :   "You know mom, an apple pie a day keeps the doctor away!"  me -"son if that was true your daddy would be one healthy man!"

Paul quote of the week: "ARRRRR I'm the grumpy old troll. the only way you can cross my bridge is if you saw my griddle."   Roger - "what?  umm what? excuse me?"    Me- "he doesn't mean anything dirty he means to say..... solve my riddle."   Paul -" yeah, that's what I gotta saw my griddle." Anna -"yeah we are the grumpy old trolls SAW OUR GRIDDLE!"

Monday, November 15, 2010

Where is Hardin County?

Guess what!!!  

Roger happened across a magazine (The Hardin County Magazine) at a local bank, started to look through it a bit and found an article titled Sheer Joy in Old Ways.  The article is about a woman named Luna who left her job as a teacher in New Jersey, moved to Kentucky to live in an old from house that dates back to the 1800's, bought a bunch of sheep and started spinning her own yarn. 

The article was fascinating to me because near the end it describes this darling little yarn shop that Luna has opened up. She not only sells her yarn but also teaches knitting classes and offers support for those who knit and crochet. 

I put the magazine down, sighed a bit and said "man, that is so cool. I wonder where Hardin County is and how far away that is from our new home." Roger laughed really hard and said "Jess, you live in Hardin County. The yarn shop is down town. You live down town. You are right by it."

And God has once again shinned his amazing light down upon me!! 

I can't wait to go to blueball mountain spindle and needle works to pick up some yarn, chat with the ladies and make a few knitter friends!!  

How exciting is that?!?!

I'll have to check it out tomorrow! 

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Etown Livin'

WE ARE MOVED IN!!!!     

I know!!!  

I can't believe it. 

We are moved into the new house.

I LOVE it!

I'm in love with EVERYTHING!

I am stunned by how at home I feel here!

Friday morning my mother in-law drove up to Winchester to help us finish the last of the packing.  Together we worked our tails off to get every thing in some sort of box or (my personal favorite packing object) trash bag!

On Saturday (November 13, 2010) a group of 6 men from Living Faith Baptist Fellowship showed up with a MASSIVE rental truck and placed all our earthly possessions neatly into the back in less than 2 hours. It was great!

Then we all loaded up and drove....

........AND drove.

.........AND DROVE

We finally made it to Etown where we were greeted by a house full of lovely smiling faces with a massive amount of food!




"It is like the movie It's a Wonderful Life in here!" -Roger

With all the people working together the WHOLE MASSIVE truck was unpacked in 45 min.




Then the unpacking started.

Roger, my mother in-law and I unpacked from about 6 to 11pm before we called it quits.

We all were walking around the house in a gitty zombie like state before we all agreed...BED TIME!

It is now Sunday afternoon and I am sitting here in my reading chair watching Roger put our tv together while Anna "helps" her Daddy and Paul "swims" in his "brand new bathtub that my church family builder man built" for him.  (that is a Paul quote).

I feel so blessed.

So at peace!


I can't believe it!!  

After church today my mother in law and I worked hard to get the last of the "random crap" marked boxes unpacked. It felt so good to unpack that last box. "Check me out everybody! ( I shouted through the house) I am unpacking the LAST BOX!"  We all clapped and said "YAY" as I did a little dance in the kitchen.

Then we tackled the leaves on the back porch (we have a lot of old trees with a LOT of leaves) before totally crashing on the couch!

Thank you to all the people who came out to help on Saturday and dropped by to welcome us home.

Thank you to Curtis for letting us know about this darling little house he was working on and for working so hard to make it absolutely PERFECT. When we first saw the house it had been completely gutted and was in horrible shape. However, I was convinced that God dropped it from the sky just for us!!  Now I am POSITIVE that God dropped it from the sky. 

So positive that it gives me chill bumps to even think about it. 

Thank you to my in laws, my parents and my grandmother for watching the kids for us while we moved!

Thank you to Scarlette (my mother in law) for packing AND unpacking our kitchen and for following me around the past couple of days while I barked orders "put that there and that there."

Also, thank you to all the people that have kept us in your prayers.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

"my room! my room! it is my little pink room!" -Anna

"I just LOVE my new home mom. I sure do!" - Paul

"I am so comfortable here! It is as if I have been living here my whole life." - Me

(house pictures to come soon)

Friday, November 12, 2010

If I die young

Roger and I went out with some friends last night and I was telling them about the thoughts that were going through my head while I was in the emergency room, in excruciating pain, and the doctor told me that he was certain that it wasn't my appendix. ( they later discovered that it WAS my appendix!) They had done a CT scan, and ultra sound AND blood work with no luck of finding what was causing my pain.

I yelled out "then what is it because I can't live my life in this much pain? please don't stop looking"

I started thinking....oh gosh....I am going to die.....this is it.....this is the end....and to think that I always thought this stupid heart condition was going to kill me....well, at least I have had a good little life...well crap.  Then this song came into my head and it still hasn't left my brain.

Never Grow Up

As I was packing this morning this song came on pandora and brought me to tears.

Don't fool yourself. I know you also have those songs that just seem to touch you at random times. The songs that bring back memories of love and loss. Those songs that remind you of the precious things in life.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Moving On

I am currently sitting on the couch resting from the packing extravaganza that we have been having for the past two days.  I say we, but Roger was not involved in the packing of the kids room yesterday. He got out of it because he had to be at the church.

Speaking of packing the kids stuff. OH MY! OH MY! Toys galore! Toys in boxes. Toys in bags. Toys in baskets. MY OH MY.  Packing my children's precious items is so EXHAUSTING.  It makes my brain hurt.  Even though I have been weeding out toys since they were born, they still have a massive amount.

This morning before the packing began I enjoyed some tea and a good book. I am currently reading the Autobiography of St. Theresa of Lisieux. I have a crazy obsession with mystics, saints, monks and well, pretty much any classic of christian devotion. I just eat them up!

Most of those types of books I have read in like 3 days.  My favorites so far are St. Julian of Norwich, Thomas Merton, Imitation of Christ, and St. Theresa. I have also read a biography of Mother Teresa of Calcutta and LOVED it.

Have you read The true Story of the Von Trapp Family Singers written by Maria Von Trapp?

now that is a GREAT book!!

 Even though Maria left the abby to become a wife to an earthly husband she still ran her house as if she were living in an abby.  They even had a chapel built into their home and had a personal family priest that traveled with them.  It is a wonderful book about faith, hope, love and interestingly, about being a refugee in America (Amanda M might love this book)  Actually most of the book is about them being refugees in America!

 I would say that it and Thomas Merton's Seven Storey Mountain are my all time favorite!

Back to the topic at hand. My mind wonders around so often. Sorry


yep.  Last week I had a body organ taken out and this week we are packing up our house. Such is life but t is a good life!

The new house is done!!!

Some ladies at the church are not only going to clean it for us before we arrive but they are going to have food waiting for us as well!!!

Also, a bunch of people from church are coming on Saturday with a massive truck to move us!!

How incredibly kind is that???!?!?!?!?!  

Roger and I are busy packing, packing, packing while our children play at Mawmal's house with the cousins. Once we get their rooms ready we are going to get them. Moving is often times too traumatic for the kids so we figured we would set up house then bring them in.

I will be setting up christmas as soon as we move in because, well, I am going to!!!

Just another thing that the church has done for us........they not only got us a bunch of boxes but they even bought bubble packing stuff, tape and scissors!!   Man oh Man.  I'm telling you this is the best moving experience we have ever had!

I fear that they are ministering to us more than we are ministering to them. I hope we can repay them some how.

 Our worst moving experience was when we moved to Winchester (this house). Only one loyal friend (colt) showed up to help with the move and he had to go to work at like 2pm. Roger and I loaded and unloaded several uhaul trucks,  in the SNOW, until we finally had to give up at 2am so that we could get up to go to church the next day. It was NUTTS how much my body hurt for days after that experience.

Ps: I was the one who had to drive the uhaul in the snow because neither Colt or Roger were comfortable enough to drive it. I told them to "move over boys my Papal taught me to drive these big oh trucks!"  I must say I did a WONDERFUL job backing up with the mirrors and driving in the snow and ice.....I didn't kill anyone or crash into anything!

OFF SUBJECT AGAIN.  Back to the subject

 Moving day is here!!  Well, it will be here saturday but WE ARE PACKING!!  I was a little sad yesterday. As I was packing the kids rooms I started crying but then I realized I wasn't crying about leaving the house I was just crying because I was missing the kids and that my hormones are all out of whack.  I sure do miss those sweet little faces that sometimes make me madder than a snake.

I'm actually pretty excited. you want me to be honest.....I really don't like Winchester.  This town is too small for me and too, how do I say this without being rude, it is too clicky. It is like one big high school drama that no one ever grew out of.

 However, I have worked my butt off to enjoy living here and I have met some wonderful people!

I am ready to go though.

Etown is close to all the wonderful things that I adore...The Abbey of Gethsemani, Bardstown, Louisville, Taget, Chick-Fil-A, Starbucks, Barnes and Noble, Freeman lake, Wonderful fitness center, The laker, .........I am so excited to get to know other places to enjoy!  EXPLORING HERE I COME!!

Ok, I feel the need for some chocolate before I get back to packing!!!!   MMMMMMMM

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Family Clusters: big and little

Confession time:
Last night I was starting to feel really lonely and sad so I convinced my husband to let me go for a long walk in the cold. 

There, I got it out. 

At around 7pm I put on my running shoes, my massive sweat shirt, my small can of protective mase and declared 
"I have got to go for a walk and see some people or I am going to go crazier than I am." 

 Being aware of my feminist personality, my loving husband didn't say a word. Instead, he put on his shoes and grabbed his coat. 

We walked
and walked
and walked
I was rather surprised by how well I was doing!

My favorite place that we walked was downtown Winchester. The city has already put their christmas lights up on the beautiful old light poles downtown and the store fronts have all their christmas stuff up. Even front of the court house has a big black mail box that reads "letters to Santa."  As we walked downtown we window shopped and talked about how much we love how alive the downtown is!  

It was FREEZING at 34 degrees
But I didn't care.
It was nice to feel something other than sick and lonely.

After about 45 minutes of walking I started feeling like I was going to fall over. I had Roger walk close to the road so if I fell over I would hit him or the grass instead of falling into a car.

Once my balance became a bigger issue my husband cleverly suggested we start walking in the direction of our house 
"are you cold? wouldn't it be nice to sit my our fireplace and warm up a bit? Yeah. Well, why don't we start heading back so we can do that?"

Once we arrived home I had a better idea!

"Let's go get a giant soft pretzel somewhere" I screamed out through my frozen lips

We jumped in the car in search of my deepest wants and wishes.

By the time we found one, ate it and headed back home, I was so sore and sick that I felt sorry for not obeying the doctor's orders. After all, they gave them to me for a reason. 

As I was walking up the stairs to our bedroom Roger kept trying to help me so I wouldn't fall. I kinda got a little mean and stated loudly:
"stop babying me. I am capable of walking up the stairs. stop it." 

He stopped and I tumbled over toward the wall. his response: 
"now will you let me help you?"     

I accepted the help.

Once upstairs I popped a pain pill and watched couple of episodes of the Dugger's Tv show and fell fast asleep.

This morning (sunday) has been my catch up day. I have a massive amount of school work to get caught up on and I have been so stressed about it.  This morning has been spent READING, READING, READING, and more READING.  What am I reading?  Ahhhhhh I thought you would never ask:

Basic Types of Pastoral Care & Counseling: Resources For the Ministry of Healing and Growth by Howard Clinebell

I highly suggest anyone in the ministry to read it. It is an incredible source to start with. I have really learned a lot about the different types of situations a minister is placed in and ways in which he/she can help those in certain situations cope, learn and grow. It isn't necessarily specific in regards to types of counseling, it is more of a brief overview of specific types of pastoral care situations that lead to specific types counseling or referral. 

Basically it has helped me to realize the importance of having either a pastoral counselor on staff and/or a highly skilled pastoral care team within the church that consists of several people that are assigned specific individuals within the church to make a "family cluster." 

No single individual  should be charged with the task of caring for a flock alone. Each person within a congregation carries with them a unique amount of hurt and guilt along with certain skills in which they use to cope and grow. Caring for one another (both physically and emotionally) is a huge portion of what it means to be a church and I fear that a lot of our churches are lacking in those caring skills. Honestly think about the last time you where in a major crisis. Who did you reach out to? Did you feel like you had some support network within the church to reach out to? Wouldn't it have been AWESOME if you had a small "family cluster" within the church that you met with on a monthly bases so that when the crap hit the fan, you had a group, that you were comfortable with, that you could go to for help?  

This isn't a novel idea by any means, but it is one that is most often over looked by small congregations as a lesser priority. There is a reason why mega churches are so popular. I wonder if when  we get past the theatrics of the "christian concert" and the lack of any bible based teaching, if the popularity has anything to do with the "cell group" phenomena?   Hummmmm? 

 For that matter, you can also take a look at the popularity of house churches. What is it that people are SEEKING in house churches and mega churches alike?  Is it the "we want to make you feel good about yourself/lack of true bible teaching mantality?"  Or are they seeking a small group of people in which they can feel comfortable enough to share their deepest hurts with?  Is our generation just looking for what every other generation has looked for? Connectedness. We WANT and NEED to feel that deeper connection with other human beings.

Robert Leslie- "It is rather ironic that the church is often the last place where people talk with freedom and openness about the concerns that touch them deepest."

"Many are finding  a fresh baptism of the biblical experience as a small, honest group becomes a channel of God's grace for them. There is no doubt that the small group is a powerful factor in the recovery of the power of personal growth and social transformation" clinebell 351

"Church historians have noted that the use of small groups has been a dynamic factor in every major  surge of new spiritual vitality in the church." clinebell 349 

A great example of this small group phenomena is John and Charles Wesley!

Bla bla bla bla bla bla bla   and on and on and on I could go BUT....


Saturday, November 6, 2010

Litany that spoke to me

Here is a short litany that was given to Roger by a church member.  I think it is something we can all relate to.  I sure can.

Call to Worship

On a day that marks the end of a long work week, and the beginning to a new one,

We show up.

While a warm bed and a long to-do list calls to us,

We show up.

We show up tired, we show up to see our friends, we show up because it is just what we do.

We show up.

We show up broken, we show up with questions, we show up expectantly, we show up occasionally.

We show up.

We show up empty, we show up full, we show up dressed up, we show up dressed down.

We show up

And in this simple act, a lifelong pattern for some of us, we proclaim our oddity! We choose to be here.

We show up faithfully.

Sometimes it is about God, sometimes it is pure habit, sometimes it is pure love.

We show up honestly.

And so we gather today.

As family, as strangers, as travelers.

May God bless this simple act, and may we find what we need today.  

I enjoyed reading this because it reminded me of the simple act of showing up and how much that means.  Just showing up.  

This past week has been the worst my depression has been. For the past 3 years I have been in a down ward slump. I have scars all over my body as proof to the amount of crap that I have been through physically (open heart surgery, pacemaker, emergency c-section, appendectomy) and scars deep inside that I am trying my hardest to let heal. 

 I want to say thank you to all of you who have taken time out of your crazy hectic lives to sit with me during some of the roughest times I have ever been through. The simple act of you just showing up means so much to me. 

Thank you also to those who made us food, to those who drove the food 2 whole hours all the way from Etown to Winchester. 

Thank you to Lee for driving food over to us on wednesday and driving Roger to pick up our car.

Thank you to mom and dad for driving all the way to lexington in the middle of the night to be with me at the hospital. Hospitals are scary places when you are alone.

Thank you to Scarlette for driving all the way from Somerset to Winchester in the middle of the night to be with our kids so that Roger could go to the hospital with me. 

Thank you to the Jaspers for watching Paul and Anna all week long so that I could start recovering.    

Thank you so much for the emails, cards, flowers and phone calls that have lifted my spirits.

Thank you to Karen, Madge and Ruthie for driving all the way from Etown to the hospital in lexington to check on me the day I had my surgery.  

The church isn't just a building and showing up doesn't just mean when the church doors are open. Showing up means taking care of THE CHURCH, the people. Showing up when the people need you the most.  We, as christians, are the body of christ here on earth and have the responsibility to care for one another. To show up when one is in need.  I am humbled by the amount of people who have simply shown up for me in my time of need.  

Even if that was to simply sit and talk!

Thank you!

Just Keep On Recovering

I think I can I think I can I think I can I think I can I think I can I think I CAN............................................

Today is Saturday and I have taken 3 showers in a row!  

However, after the first two showers I was so tired and sore after the washing extravaganza that I was forced back into the bed.  

But not this morning.  

This morning I not only shaved my legs but I walked down the stairs to have breakfast instead of having breakfast brought to me!

So,  here I sit eating some cream of wheat (so yummy and warm), sipping some poweraid and hoping that by the end of breakfast I will have enough energy left to blow dry my hair. I really want to fix my hair today but with the room currently spinning I don't see that as a possibility. 

Our Realtor said it correctly "I had my appendix taken out a few years ago and Honey, let me tell ya, I would rather go through two natural child births than to have to go through that."  She has two children and no appendix.

Like me!

Two wonderful ladies from Living Faith Baptist Fellowship brought lots of food made by the church members. (Miss Ruthie made homemade chicken noodle soup and let me tell you what, that was some good stuff!!!) They also brought lots of boxes for us to pack up our stuff and sat down to entertain me for a while. Good thing, because I sure did need the entertaining.  I've kinda started to get the "i've been sick for a while when is this going to end" depression.

I also miss my children so bad.

Yesterday evening was the first time I had been down stairs since Sunday.

If I stay in my room  I can pretend that the kids are down stairs playing but as soon as I walk down stairs, past their rooms, I realize they are really gone. They are such a big part of my life that being without them for so ling is kinda hard.

Plus, they both have refused to talk to me on the phone. Paul said quote "I don't want to talk to mom because I am on vacation."

***stab in the heart***

I can't wait until I can cuddle up with my whole little family in the bed and read our favorite little book by Shel Silverstein, The Giving Tree.

Although I complain about missing the kids I must admit that the first couple of days away from them was nice. : 0  

I was able to sit in bed for hours watching Netflix and spacing out. I would have liked to have read but the pain medicine made the words seem to jump around on the page which made it impossible to comprehend what I was reading. I have a book review due Nov 16 and I REALLY need finish the book.

I have knitted as well!!   however, the knitting has been a bit tricky because of the added adventure of the pain medicine.

Speaking of pain medicine....I am slowly coming off of it.  I tried cold turkey and that was REALLY REALLY PAINFUL and just plain stupid on my part.

I have only been taking one every for hours instead of two and today I am going to try one every six hours.

I guess we will see.

Thursday, November 4, 2010


The recovery process has been so strange.  One second I will feel like I am doing so much better and the next I am bent over vomiting in the handy dandy orange vomit thingy from the hospital, shaking with chills and screaming out in pain.

My diet consists of broth, pudding, jello, ensure, water and poweraid.   All of which I have to force down and then force to stay down.  I'm so tired of the vomiting. 

It is a never ending process through out the day. I take my pain pills, I sleep a little, I wake up feeling like "I'M ALL BETTER NOW!" then I gradually start to feel the nausea coming back, I vomit, then the pain starts to come back, then I take my pain pill............... it goes on and on.

It is like having a really bad flue bug while you are trying to recover from a really bad car accident.

My stomach looks so strange. I have two holes that are bruised and swollen from where they stuck the scopes in. My belly button is unrecognizable with it's new crusty, swollen, bruised look.(they stuck a scope in there as well)  So, I have three golf ball shaped bruises on my stomach.

When I came out of surgery my little brother said "Gosh Jess, did you have an inny or an outy before the surgery because now it is def.  a major inny?"   I scared him by telling him "I had a cute little outy before! why would you ask?"   :)

Each morning seems to be getting a little better.

This morning I got up and, with the help of Roger, got to take a shower. I haven't had a shower since sunday morning...... today is thursday.  I wasn't able to take a shower before because I couldn't hold myself up long enough and every time I stood up I felt like I was going to either vomit or pass out. Plus, I had no desire, until today, to even take a shower. All I wanted to do was sleep.

I didn't realize taking a small organ from my body was going to be so painful.  I don't think my grandmother realizes that either. She doesn't seem to understand why I can't take care of the kids or why I can't eat.  I have to keep telling her and myself that I "had a major abdominal surgery, that I still have an infection in my abdomen and it is going to take a while to heal."

After my shower this morning, Roger put new sheets on the bed, sat out some clean jammies and brought me a glass of poweraid and a bowl of broth.  We have been through quite a bit together......lots of moves., college, several major surgeries, two babies .......... we keep getting closer with each new obstacle that is placed before us.  

I looked at him yesterday while I was in the midst of vomiting and said "sorry about the vow thing. ya know. in sickness and in health. I didn't realize I was going to be the one in sickness all the time and you were going to be the one that was in health.  that is such a bummer."  He just rolled his eyes and told me to hush.  

I love him so much.   I miss my little Paul and Anna.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Appendix part 3

(this is part 3 of the appendix adventure so go back and read part 1 and 2 before reading this one)

After spending time in recovery.... recovering ...I was taken back to my room. First of all the room was a two person room (I'm fine with that because I understand the need to put two people in a room) that was smaller than the one person room that I had at central baptist hospital. The poor nurses had no space to work on the two of us. They were constantly bumping into one another in frustration and had to maneuver  this and that to tend to us. It was horrible working conditions for them.

However, I heard that they are remodeling soon so that everyone will, in the future, have a private room.

By that time in the evening Roger had been up with me all Sunday night, all monday morning and I insisted that he go home to sleep. no one at the hospital even offered him anything....a pillow....a drink....a blanket......NOTHING.  He ended up spending the night Sunday sitting in a plain desk chair, hunched over my bed.  I sent my parents to my brothers house to sleep on his couch.

It made me sad that we weren't seen as people but as case studies.

The nurse I had in the "holding cell" as they called it, was wonderful. She did as much she could to help.

The nurses in recovery were AWEFUL and ignored me anytime I tried to ask something.

The nurse I was given for the night shift was wonderful but her fellow nurses and the tech was horrible:

 I rang the bell for help to go to the bathroom   The other nurse walked in, rolled her eyes, expressed that she had 15 other patients to take care of before asking what I needed.  "I'm so sorry to bug you. I just need to go to the bathroom and I can't get myself up"  She rushed me out of the bed, slung my iv thing at me in order to get me to walk faster to the bathroom and then once I stepped one foot in the bathroom (before I even sat on the toilet) she shut the door. I yelled "hey, can you wait just a second I just have to pee a little and I'll be done. I'm really dizzy from the medicine."  She yelled through the door "No, just pull that string for help when you get finished."  Of course as soon as my small little tinkle was done I felt bad for having to pull the string to bother anyone so I walked my dizzy, vomity, painful self back to the bed, plugged my iv machine back into the wall (boy was that painful to bend over after abdominal surgery) and slowly managed to get back in the bed.  

The woman I was sharing a room with had been in the hospital for 3 weeks. I sat up in the bed at 4am on Monday night and listened to her horrible story of how she ended up there.  It really put things in perspective .......I was lucky to not be going through what she was going through and I was MAD that the hospital wasn't giving her better care.  

Man Alive

Tuesday morning I was anxious to meet with my doctor (who ever he was) to talk with him about all of this stuff that had been going on with me. At that point I had only heard things from other doctors, nurses, my parents, and my husband. I really wanted to talk with THE doctor that stepped in, took my case and pretty much saved my life.

I waited ......... a young doctor came in to check on me that I had never seen before.

I waited ........ another young doctor came in to check on me that I had never seen before.

I waited .......... an older doctor came in to check on me that I sort of remembered

I waited....another young doctor came in to check on me that I had never seen before and he had no clue what I was even there for so  had to explain.  ??????

I waited ......... my  handsome husband/minister showed back up around 11am.

I waited ....I heard small rumors that I would be sent home but still hadn't talked to my doctor.

Roger walked out into the hall to get some ice water for me when he bumped into the awesome surgeon dude, Dr. Phillip Chang, THE doctor. He spoke with him about me and was informed that he was getting my discharge papers ready along with a prescription for augmentin and percocet.

I waited for the doctor to come in to see me.   

He never came.

I left the hospital without speaking to him. I was confused and I'm still confused. 

When we got home we noticed that I had only been given the percocet prescription and not the augmentin .......BIG OH NO.  I have that horrible infection to fight inside and I NEED that medicine. Now, keep in mind that I wouldn't have even know about the infection if I hadn't been prying for information about myself. No one was telling me anything.

Roger and I were so pissed off by that point.

The hospital called it in to our pharmacy.  

I was in so much "after surgery" pain because the nurse didn't give me anything before I left and I had to be driven all the way back to winchester and get the prescription filled before getting any relief.  By the time I got the percocet in my hand I had had to wait so long before doses that I was throwing up with chills and cramping in a horrible way. It took at least 8 hours to really get the pain under control (two doses.  two pills every four hours) 

Why oh why

Now, on to some positive things:

My mother in-law has taken the kids to somerset for a while so i can recover.

My parents were able to come up to lexington to stay with me while I went through surgery.

My brother Jacob was able to come hang out with me after surgery (sorry for flashing you Jacob) and bring me flowers and a card from Shannon AND bring Roger dinner.

Karen, Madge and Ruthie came to see me and that put a BIG smile on my face! It meant the world to me.

The new interim minister at First Christian, where Roger used to work, stopped by to see me in the hospital and the folks at First Christian Church are making Roger dinner tonight to bring to the house.

I have had several friends offer to help in any way they can and believe me, I am going to use them and try not to abuse them  :)  WE really do need a lot of help. 

Roger was able to stay with me today ALL DAY and care for me because the folks at Living Faith Baptist Fellowship offered to take care of prayer meeting tonight. He had to leave for a few minutes to work on this loan thing for the new house but that is it.  I am so thankful for that because I really could not have managed myself here alone.  


I was told that until December 3, 2010 I was NOT allowed to pick anything up that weighed more than 2ibs. 

That means, I can't take care of the kids and I can't pack to move (we were suppose to pack this weekend because the house should be done friday).  

I also am not allowed to eat anything really. I am on a clear liquid diet the rest of this week. Next week I can start eating things like oatmeal and then the following week I can try a plain cooked chicken breast.  


Once I can go for a longer car ride I'll probably go to somerset to stay while I recover so my family and Roger's family can help with the kids. So Roger can get some work done. 

I'm not sure what I am going to do about my seminary class that meets every Tuesday from 6 to 9pm.  hummmm?

A lot of people at living faith have offered to help us move so I am not even going to worry about that. Roger can manage the packing with a little help. I have pretty much finished with the de-cluttering part. We just need a LOT of boxes.

A little REcap of the past 2 years:

1. I was put on bedrest for 3 months because my placenta abrupted and I almost lost Anna. I was 6 months pregnant at the time and I only made it to 8months before she was taken by emergency c-section

2. In May I was sent in to get a brand spanking new pacemaker

3. In October our whole little family got deathly ill with vomiting and diarrhea.  Then our water heater went out, flooding our basement of the house we are trying to sell, forcing us to get a brand spanking new water heater.

4. I just got my appendix taken out.

It has gotten pretty comical hasn't it?   

The next two years are sure to be much better than the past two years!!!!  

They have to be or ............ i will go cRaZy.

PS: The last time I took a shower was Sunday morning.  It is wednesday afternoon and I have no desire to bathe.  yuck?  I know!  I have managed to wash my face and brush my teeth.  Maybe Roger can give me a romantic?!?!

Appendix part 2

(this is part 2 of the appendix story so you should read part 1 before reading this)

Once I got to University of Kentucky's ER I handed the first doctor that I saw a disc of my CT scan.  All of the doctors on the blue team (they have certain seems of surgeons I guess) took a look at it and couldn't find my appendix on the scan.  I was then sent in for an ultra sound at 2am. By that time I had been at the hospital, in severe pain, for 8 1/2 hours with little to no pain meds.

After the ultra sound was complete, and read by several doctors on the blue team it was determined that the cause of my pain was unknown but that it could possibly be my appendix.  Then a horrible thing happened.........

One of the doctors walked in my room, by himself, and declared that it "is not your appendix.  I think you are having some ovary pain because you are close to starting your period."  I sat up quickly and declared "this is NOT period pain. I know what period pain feels like and THIS IS NOT IT."   Then the doctor refused to look at me and would only address Roger. He told Roger "well, we'll just see.  if it is period pain it will get better if it is your appendix it will get much worse."   

I started having an anxiety attack. I felt like I couldn't breath I was crying so hard. the doctor then said "see now you are getting all emotional.  stop getting all emotional on us."  If I had the strength to throw something I would thrown it at him but I was in too much pain.  He admitted me to the holding unit of the hospital so I could sit in excruciating pain while he watched.  

At 9am I was in so much pain I couldn't hardly speak. The nurse kept trying to give me pain meds but they were not working. I curled up on the side of the bed, held Roger's hand and cried out to God the only prayer I could muster "please God help me help me help me. Please God oh please God."  It was way worse than child birth.

A trauma surgeon somehow got ahold of my chart and came in to visit me. (I think God answered my prayers).  After examining me and looking through my chart he said "she needs surgery NOW RIGHT NOW."  The trauma surgeon then took that mean doctor that told me it was period pain and chewed his head off "you NEVER NEVER under any circumstance tell a patient that her CT scan is negative just because you can't see the appendix in the scan. NEVER EVER EVER.  You are an idiot....."

By that time I was starting to get delusional but I still remember all the med students hanging out around my bed, giggling, smiling and saying "hummm dude I bet ya this is not the appendix. ya man I don't think so either."  Roger finally stood up and said in his most annoyed voice "yeah, you guys having fun over there. yeah, I bet you are having a great time."   It was kinda his way of saying "SHUT UP my wife is in pain and you want to make a stupid game out of it."

Once I was out of surgery it was INSTANT relief. I felt soooooooo good. I kept yelling out to the recovery room "thank you oh thank you.  thank you so much."  

When I was taken back to the room I was informed that it was indeed  my appendix and that if they would have waited any longer  it would have ruptured (it was big time swollen). They also said I had a lot of infection in my abdomen because of it. They started pumping me full of antibiotics.  

I really would have appreciated if the doctor, who told me that it WAS NOT my appendix, would have apologized. I didn't see his face the remainder of the time.

I'm still in shock that all this happened  at the University of Kentucky Hospital.  I really trusted them before but the care I received was horrible. 

It was miserable  to be surrounded by a massive amount of doctors but not really knowing which one was yours or which one was in charge.  I never want to go back to a teaching hospital ever again.  They didn't even ask my permission to have that many people in the room.  It was so confusing.

The bad treatment did not stop there.................I'll have to write a part 3 to tell you all about the room, the nurses and the discharge extravaganza.  

stay tuned and keep the prayers coming.  I'll try to write part 3 tomorrow. For now  I need to hug this vomit thing and see if anything comes up.  

my oh my

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

appendix part 1

I can't type too much because I am still in horrid pain but I wanted to let family and friends know that I made it through the surgery and I am now home.  I have to take some heavy duty pain meds that don't seem to be working but that is another issue.

Saturday evening (October 30) my stomach started hurting again.  Sunday morning at 1:00 am I woke up extremely did Anna. Roger and I were in the midst of dealing with Anna screaming while I was forced to suck up the pain (I honestly just thought it was my acid reflux again).

Sunday morning Roger headed to church while I stayed home with a sick little Anna and a jubilant paul. I was still in quite a bit of pain but I tried to ignore it by doing the laundry, tending to the kids and taking them to the park.  By 3pm I started hurting so bad I could barely stand up. I called roger "listen, when you get home from Etown I am going to need to go to the hospital."

I let the kids know that "mommy wasn't feeling very well," and they agreed to take care of me. Annd kept saying "you need some medicine. I get you some medicine?"

Roger got home around 5pm but I didn't get to the hospital until 5:30pm because I was worried about the massive bill that was going to result in me going to the emergency room. However, the pain got worse and I went.

Roger stayed home with the kids and I drove myself to the Emergency Room here in Clark County.

I got a CT scan and some blood work. At 10pm I was informed that it seemed as if I had appendicitis. I called Roger "get someone to watch the kids.  I need you."

At 10:30pm I was informed that I was going to be transferred from Clark Regional to the University of Kentucky ER because they Clark Regional was uncomfortable doing the surgery on me because of my severe heart condition and my history of my heart stopping during a previous surgery.

Roger stayed with the kids while I was loaded up in an ambulance to be transported to UK. He was waiting for his mom to drive up to stay with the kids and promised to meet me at the UK ER. AT that point  I was starting to feel really depressed.  "honey do you have any family with you?  Honey you really need someone with you?"

The ambulance ride made me feel worse...all the bumps.  They wouldn't let me have any pain meds because they were transferring me.  I was in agony.

Once I got to UK's ER I couldn't help but think "man alive this place is beautiful!"  have you been in there since the remodeling?

I also couldn't help but think "gosh, he/she is too young to be my doctor.  what the heck."   There were young people ALL OVER THE PLACE. I was kinda uncomfortable about it. My generation is growing up and taking over the world. It is so weird.

The UK ER refused to  give me pain meds before I talked to the doctor. I was starting to feel like I was going to vomit or pass out because of the pain. And of course the doctors took FOREVER and being at a teaching hospital, I couldn't quite figure out who my doctor actually was because I had to repeat myself soooooo many times to soooooo many people in white coats.  All of which were more concerned with getting information about my heart condition than trying to figure out the horrible pain I was in because of my appendix.

I was getting REALLY annoyed.

My mom and dad and Roger FINALLY showed up about 15 min after I got to UK.  I was so relieved to have family with me!

I was alone from 5:30pm until 12:30am in extreme pain.  That was so scary for me.

At this point I am going to stop typing in order to lay back down in the bed. I will write about the horrible care that I got in the next post.  I was sooooooo disappointed in UK and the horrible care that I received.  I'll write about that in Appendix Part 2.  

stay tuned and keep the prayers coming!  I feel awful.