Sunday, April 29, 2012

Gone Fishin'

This Christmas we bought Paul a fishing pole. The boy has been asking me to take him fishing ever since.  

Yesterday, Saturday, was the most perfect day to fish.  It wasn't too hot, wasn't too cold, there was a nice breeze in the air and I had gotten plenty of sleep (that is NEEDED).  

However, Roger is finishing up his last semester of Seminary so he was studying all..... day..... long.  i didn't want to go fishing alone with two kids.  That seemed like asking for trouble. 

I was ITCHING to go somewhere but I managed to remain content lounging in the back yard with my library book while the kids and the dog ran around me.  

Well, I remained content UNTIL after dinner.  At which point I HAD to go somewhere. 

 I convinced Roger to tag along with the kids and I to the fitness center.  
I exercised, Paul played virtual sports, and Anna bugged the living crap out of Roger who was trying his best to sit peacefully by the pool  and study.   

Once I finished my exercising, Paul, Anna and I attempted to play racquetball together.  It was HILARIOUS, probably a bit dangerous, but oh so much fun.  
We stayed at the fitness center past the kids bedtimes.  The kids and I were having too much fun.  
Roger looked a tad annoyed.  I get it, he has a lot resting on his shoulders.

This afternoon, Sunday, the weather was once again wonderful for fishing!  
And once again Roger had to study.  I was super bummed and trying my best to be content with the situation but I wanted so bad to be out by the water attempting to catch a fish or two.  

I loaded the kids up, some supplies, the fishing pole and my fishing license (yes I obey the law) and headed to the Lake.  We bought a permit, a dozen night crawlers and staked out a location before lathering up with sun screen.  

For over an hour we kept getting bites and getting our worm stolen.  
Paul thought it was hilarious.  "That is one sneaky fish!!!"   
Anna played in the dirt, held the fishing pole for a little while and splashed around in the nasty water.  

After a while I texted Roger that we were at the Lake because I didn't want him to worry when he showed up at dinner time to an empty house.  He promptly dropped his studies, met us at the lake, took the pole out of my hands and caught that darn sneaky fish.  And after we had been working on that little fish for that long Roger had the audacity to show up out of nowhere and catch it on his first try?
anna was too scared of the fish to stand any closer

the little dude was too small to eat

We ended up staying out for another hour, Roger and I attempting to fish with a little kids pole, while the kids used their imaginations to get covered in dirt, mud and lake water. 
yes, i took the mop bucket to put the fish in

mountain climbers

The one thing that Roger did point out when he spontaneously joined us on our fishing trip, was that when I cast the pole I look very dramatic.  I didn't understand what he meant so I had him film it.   I'm pretty sure my Dad will enjoy this clip.  I guess this is why he never takes me fly fishing with him?

In my defense, I was taught to fish with a cane pole.... in a pond.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

One Girl's Journey With Prozac

I have been struggling as to whether or not to share my story.
The story of my journey that lead me to happiness.
I know there is a lot of skepticism, hesitation and stigmas associated with psychiatric medicine.
Because of this, I have hesitated sharing my story.  

When I returned home from my cardiologist appointment with a new heart medicine I didn't think twice about popping it into my mouth. My cardiologist said it would help my heart pump, and me to breathe better.
As I swallowed the heart pill, feeling it slip down my throat, I wondered why it was that I popped that pill into my mouth so quickly when a month before I held on tightly to another prescription that I had received, not wanting to fill it. 

The reason was because the other pill had a stigma associated with it.
A stigma that has hindered people like me from seeking help.
A stigma that has forced me, and others, to suffer in darkness and anxiety for years rather than be one of THOSE people who took psychatric medications. 

I share this journal entry in hopes that others might be encouraged to seek the help that is needed and that they deserve. 

Journal Entry from April 26th 2012:

This morning, on the recommendation of Roger, I took my prozac pill.  Since I have PMDD I have been told by my doctor to start taking it a few days before my period and then stop once my period starts. I looked at the calendar and it didn't say that it was exactly time to start. I had a few more days. However, yesterday was a pretty bad day. I had a LOT of anxiety. Roger said I didn't seem myself and I didn't feel myself.  I wanted to be alone all day, was mad that I wasn't able to be alone, and was exploding over little things. Nothing that I did was enjoyable. I could not feel content or at peace. The self talk in my head was very loud. I wondered around the house as if I were on speed. All I wanted to do was shut my self off, to turn off my anxious brain. 

This morning,several hours after taking the prozac pill, I was my happy go lucky self. That's the WONDERFUL thing about this prozac! When I don't take it when I NEED to be taking it (before and during my period) I don't feel like myself.  It's when I DO take the medicine that I feel my like my happy go lucky self. My biggest fear, prior to taking my first round of prozac, was that my mood would drastically change. That I would turn into Zombie Jessica. 

That's not the case. I feel MORE myself. Little did I know that for years I had been walking around in a haze of depression and anxiety. The social anxiety had become debilitating. 

Deciding to seek help for this problem that I have suffered with for years has been miraculous! The prozac has helped me tremendously with the social anxiety and depression that flares before and during my period. Because of this I have been filled with peace and quiet contentment and so many relationships have blossomed in my life!  My marital relationship with Roger, that would typically receive an immense amount of strain during said period, has been transformed. I guess it helps that I no longer seem to have a split personality.       

Not having to go through two weeks of deep darkness each month helps with LIFE in general!!!!!!

I'm happy!  For the first time since elementary school I am truly content. 

Anxiety, Social Phobia and Depression BE GONE.  This chick has discovered Prozac! 

Wednesday, April 25, 2012


I started a journal for Paul when he was a baby.
I wrote letters to him about his days.
As he grew the letter journal morphed into a quote journal.

When Anna was born I thought about getting a journal for her but ended up just adding her letters (and quotes) to the same journal.

At 3 and 6 the hilarious conversations that happen daily are numerous. It has become impossible to document every single funny thing.  However, I do try my best the remember the more HILARIOUS conversations or special conversations and document them in their journal at the end of the evening.

When Paul climbed off the bus this afternoon he had a strange look on his face.
I asked him what was wrong.
"Mom, they were playing a bad game on that school bus."
My heart dropped. 
"what bad game were they playing Paul?"
"well, they were singing I pledge of allegiance to the flag, Michael Jackson is a fag."

He then got really shy.
"mom, fag is a bad word."

We walked into the house in silence. I was giggling inside. I couldn't stop thinking about the songs my class mates and I sang in elementary school.  I was THE kid who would initiate the, what Paul called, "bad game."

As I sat on the front porch, Paul sitting beside me enjoying his after school frozen yogurt, I started to explain to him how proud I was that he told me about the bus situation.
I then went on to tell him that he was right in not joining in.
He of course, in true Paul fashion, asked why someone would invent a game that was bad.
"Mom, when I invent a game it isn't bad and it doesn't call people bad names."

I did my best to explain about kindness and how people sometimes pick on one another and how that is wrong.
He looked up at me and said "but mom, who IS Michael Jackson?"

As I was cutting up the vegetables for vegetable soup Paul asked in a very concerned voice, "Why do boys have nipples? They don't feed babies milk with them.  or do they?"

I went to my go to answer. "Well Paul, that's a great question. I have no idea why boys have nipples but why don't we look it up this afternoon."

He then asked why girls have TWO nipples.

As I was preparing to spit out my go to answer he interrupted me.
"I KNOW!!!!    It's so that if they have TWO babies, twins, each baby will have a nipple to suck on."

But then Anna threw him a one eighty when she joined in the conversation.
"But mom, didn't Paul have milk in his nipples when he was a baby?"

I had to admit that yes, Paul did in fact have milk in his nipples when he was a baby.
I had told them that story about a year ago when they asked for me to tell them funny stories about when they were babies.

While I was breastfeeding baby Paul he got a little TOO much of my hormones and started producing milk. At the time it was a tad bit scary, for a new mom. But looking back on it, it was HILARIOUS.

I'll leave you with a journal entry I wrote to Paul on Jan 7th 2009. He was 2 years old.
While in the doctor's office waiting room you said you wanted to play in the toy area.  I said you could but you whined a little and said you couldn't.  I asked why and you said someone was in there. I told you to go play with them and share.  We went around the corner and there sat a mentally retarded young adult playing with baby toys.  You yelled REALLY loud. "See Mom, He's TOO BIG. He's really TOO big."  I was so embarrassed but I also had to hold back the laughter so much that I thought I was going to cry.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Sex, God, and Communion

I have been wanting to write a blog post about the Baptist Conference on Sexuality and Covenant that my husband and I attended last Wednesday through Saturday.
But as you all know, I have two young children and a husband who is working like a mad person to get all of his papers finished for school.

That leaves little time for me to actually formulate a thought about anything of relative importance.

In fact, I just had to ask my husband, shortly after walking in the door at 10:30pm, if that sentence above made any sense. 

And yes, he just helped me formulate THAT sentence as well.

I am so pitiful.

My brain if blubber but I can keep a house clean and children alive!

I ran across (I didn't actually run) this article written by a local Pastor that attended the conference with us and thought that it was well written.

Here is a link to Pastor Joe Phelps' article about his experience last week.

The experience of the Conference was very holy for me.

The conference was full of respectful dialogue and reverent prayer.

On the last day, as we were having communion together, the room was spirit filled.
We each took turns serving one another the body and blood of Christ-  young, old, black, white, rich and poor.

As I sat from my pew, after having served my husband from the chalice and plate, I wanted to capture the moment and hold on to it.
"This is what Church is. This is what the body of Christ on earth looks like."

This blog post is about as random as I am

Last night, once the kids were snug in their beds, Roger and I sat up and worked on my Financial Aid/Scholarship papers.

When I completed my class schedule paper I felt the overwhelming urge to take a picture of it.

I guess some of you would laugh at how excited I am to start back to seminary.

I compare my 4 years of stay-at-home motherhood as time spent in a hermitage.

I am emerging a spiritually changed person. 

Roger left for class early this morning. In his back pack were my papers for admission.

As my husband prepares to graduate seminary on May 12th, I am preparing to enter in August of 2012.

As Anna throws herself in the floor screaming I am thinking that this whole seminary plan might be completely insane.

Are we insane?

My tension level has been sky high the past two days.

I have no clue what is going on with Anna but something is going on with her.
She has been super clingy, very fussy, and incredibly hateful.

I attempted to meet some other mothers at Chick-Fil-A today for a mid morning knitting circle.
Anna refused to go into the play area. She, instead, sat by my side complaining, and fussing and being hateful.

I was really hoping it would be a wonderful little play time for her with other little kids her age, while I got some social interaction with adults and got to knit.
It was far from that.

However, after lunch I ran her by the library and she seemed to perk up a bit.
She always perks up a bit when there are books around!
And when there is no one else vying for my attention.
This is a problem.

Trying to get to the knitting circle was INSANE.
Anna HATES wearing clothes.
The child would love a nude beach!
water!  sand!  nakedness!

After giving her two clothing options, that she didn't like, she proceeded to kick, scream and run through the house like a cat that knew it was about to be submerged in water.
She actually jumped on the top of the wing back chair, perched and SCREAMED.
"You can't do this to me. You can't. You can't"

I simply walked out the door.
She followed shortly...... in her underwear.
I was prepared with clothes in the car to throw on her once we got to the restaurant.
It was less of a battle of the wills in the freezing parking lot!

We German blooded women have VERY strong wills.

Momma is more powerful than you dear child.

I just called her pediatrician.  She has an appointment set up for this Thursday.
I suspect she might be sick.
I'm almost POSITIVE it's not that I am the worlds most awful mother that she is acting like this.

Paul's bus gets here in less than 30 min.
Roger doesn't get home until around 11pm.
It is at this point that I am extremely grateful for my new heart medicine!

Did I mention I am taking a new medicine?
I think I did in a few blogs back.

Anyway, the medicine is WONDERFUL.
I am not near tears at this point of the day from complete exhaustion and lack of oxygen.
I mean, I'm tired but I am not TIRED.  You know?
I suspect I'm the normal tired of a person who rears children for a living.

 I can BREATHE and I seem to have ENERGY to push through the afternoon.

With kids and a husband that is gone a lot, I need all the energy and oxygen I can get!

Saturday, April 21, 2012

I feel so refreshed.

I've learned so much.

A [Baptist] Conference of Sexuality and Covenant

I've meet so many wonderful people and listened to their stories.

Singer/Songwriter Jennifer Knapp
I have fallen deeper in love with the man I married.

I can't wait until I get a chance to process all of this information that I have received through attending this conference and share it with you all.  I'm sure it will fill many blog posts.   

If anything, this conference has reaffirmed my calling into the ministry.
Starting seminary this August has NEVER sounded so good!!

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

What we do.....

.... at night while Roger is fighting to stay awake during his seminary classes.

The kids were getting REALLY grumpy, I was worn out and it was hours before bed time.

I made a last ditch effort to liven up the room with an old Easter Balloon. 

It worked!!!

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Yet Another Heart Update

I'm super tired at the moment and in need of a nap but I didn't want to leave everyone hanging.

I'll type more about it later (maybe) but my doctors appointment went as expected.

My heart is progressing as they predicted; As an adult with d-tgv.

With that said, my doctor has added another medicine to my list of heart meds that I take daily.

He has started me out on a low dose of Enalapril.

As expected, with my specific condition, the Right Ventricle is not pumping as well as it was in my young days. 

Currently the RV is what pumps blood to my whole body (since my heart is backwards).

(You'll have to look it up if none of this makes since.)

This is a normal progression of my congenital heart defect. It just happens. It's what was expected. 
My heart is going to need a little more help to pump.  

The good news is that there are plenty of medicines out there that I haven't even tried.
The even better news is that I am not to that crucial point yet.

My cardiologist wants to start me on these meds BEFORE things get too bad and then we are playing the game of catch up.

Makes since to me! 

My cardiologist is starting me off on a low dose of this new medicine, to add to the others that I am taking.  The hope is that this new medicine will relax my valves, allowing oxygenated blood to pour through easier. 

We shall see!

I have also been ordered to take a stress test to look at my overall heart function as I exercise. 
That's kind of a normal thing that has to be done every couple of years.

In other related news, I am worn out.
Paul has been on spring break all week, Anna has been  quite needy all week and Roger is desperately trying to finish up his semester.  

I, in true Jessica fashion, am trying to avoid a melt down.   
I am tucking tail and running to a friends house tomorrow to camp out with her, her husband and her precious daughter. 

I NEED friend therapy.
I'm taking both of the kids along with me so that Roger can have a quiet house to finish some school work.

On saturday I'll be going to our other house, with the kids and my family, to do some painting and fixing.   We have GOT to sell that house.   

Other than all of THAT, life is pretty preachy!!  (not being sarcastic)

Everyone has life craziness that they go through at one point or another.
It's all about how you chose to manage the emotions that come along with it. 


Wednesday, April 11, 2012

I sit at the kitchen table, sipping coffee, pouring through recipes online, preparing to go grocery shopping. NPR is filling the house with human voices. The open windows are allowing the sounds of peace to slip in. Anna sits by my side creating wonders with her play-dough.

It's Monday!  This is our routine. Well, except for the NPR. That's new today. As an adult I have had an aversion to listening to the radio news program. As a child my Dad was an NPR junky. It was always on, in all the rooms of the house. He said it was so he could float freely from room to room without missing a single thing the talking heads were saying. It drove me nuts.  

Later, after I was married, Mom got him a little ipod. I think it drove her nuts too.

I remember Dad picking us kids up from school, or our grandparent's house, in his little red toyota pickup. The manuel truck lacked air conditioning. During the hot seasons the windows were rolled down. I sat squished in between my Dad and my little, very annoying at the time, brother, worming around as I tried desperately to direct my knees out of the way as Dad shifted gears. NPR blasted through the small beat up speakers as I sat sticky hot, with a comical amount of wind blowing through my stringy blonde hair.   

This morning is the first time that I have been able to listen to NPR without having that squished, hot and uncomfortable feeling from childhood emerge. Until just now, if I walked into a room or got into a car and NPR was on, I would ask, to the annoyance of my NPR loving Husband, to have it turned off.  

I'm the same way when it comes to bagpipe music. I was the kid in the pickup line whose Dad BLASTED lovely bagpipe music. He didn't do it to annoy me or anything, he just genuinely loves things I consider weird.  Like, tai chi and civil war reenacting. 

I think he still gets up in the middle of the night to listen to a radio program called Coast to Coast. I once sat up with him to listen to a news story about a possible alien invasion. 

Maybe it's his fault that I am obsessed with the Elvis Presley conspiracy theory. 
Elvis is NOT dead, people. Look at the evidence.

These are some of my fondest memories of my Dad.

I wonder what things my children are picking up from me. What things will they look back on and laugh about?  What memories are being made within the normal boring routines of our day that they will hold on to?

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

There's a mountain
Here before me
And I'm going to climb it
With strength not my own
He's gonna lead me
Or the mountain beats me
Carry me through
Carry me through

There's a river
Here before me
And I'm gonna cross it
with strength not my own
He's gonna save me
Or the river takes me.
Carry me through
Carry me through

Oh Lord be gentle
I'm just a man
Please don't crush me
Help me in.

Oh Lord remember
I try so hard
I walk and talk
Your kingdom love

There's a sinner
Here before me
And I'm gonna give them
Strength not my own
He's gonna carry me
when I get weary
Carry me through
Carry me through

Oh Lord be gentle
I'm just a man
Please don't crush me
And help me in

Oh lord remember
I try so hard
I walk and talk
Your kingdom love

Carry me through

Lord Sweet Lord
Carry me through.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Heart Update

I had a dream last night that I woke up to 6 inches of snow in April. 
In the dream I was looking out the window, laughing at the surprise spring time snow.  I spotted a massive machine heading towards our house.  The machine's wheels were taller than me and a massive digger was on the front of it. In the dream I yelled for Roger. We both stared out the window dumb founded. "I called someone to work on a few things at the house but I didn't know it was going to be THAT big of a deal."

I was startled awake by Roger shaking me.  "Jessica, get up. You have to call your cardiologist this morning."  A bit groggy I stared at him, trying to process what he just said. "I just had the craziest dream."

Yesterday afternoon (Easter Sunday) I checked my inbox to find an email from my cardiologist.  He asked me to go to the nearest Emergency Room.  His email was in response to an email that I had sent him earlier that morning, before church. 

I'd been having a lot of strange heart beats for several months. Just recently the strange beats had gotten more frequent and much worse. They were keeping me up at night.  I was feeling especially bad as I was getting ready for church so I shot my cardiologist an email list of my symptoms. 

In the emergency room my strange heart beats immediately showed up on the screen.  I was having Premature Ventricular Contractions.   I was not having them right after another, that would be called v-tach and is very serious.  I, instead, was having them with a few normal beats in between.  They call this kind of PVC benign.  In a healthy heart this isn't a cause for alarm. PVCs are pretty common. In fact, you might be having them and have yet to notice.  

However, in the heart of a patient with a congenital heart defect, PVCs are cause for alarm.  PVCs alert the doctor that there is something going on.  Now it is a matter of figuring out WHAT exactly is going on.

Currently there is a team of cardiologists and nurses looking through my health history and all the data collected at the ER visit. I'm hopeful that this will only require a little tweaking of my pacemaker, medicine and diet.  I'm set to meet with them this Thursday (April 12th).

Until then I shall enjoy this BEAUTIFUL weather! The kids do a marvelous job of entertaining themselves in the backyard (at least for a little bit) and I love the warm sun on my face.    

I LOVE singing this song!!

Here are the lyrics

Come down to the river
Come and let yourself in
Make good on a promise
To never hurt again
If you're lost and lonely
You're Broken down
Bring all of your troubles
Come lay 'em down

All you sinners
And the weak at heart
All you helpless
On the boulevards
Wherever you are now
Whatever evil you've found
Bring all of your troubles
And come lay 'em down

We're all tied to the same old failing
Finding shelter in things we know
We're all dirty like corrupted small towns
We'll bring our troubles
We'll bring our troubles
Lay 'em down

All you rich men
And the high above
All of those with and without love
All you burdened broken down
Bring all of your troubles
Come lay 'em down

Come lay 'em down [x4]

Come all you broken [Come lay 'em down]
Come all you helpless [Come lay 'em down]
Bring all your burden [Come lay 'em down]
And just lay 'em down [Come lay 'em down]

Come all you broken [Come lay 'em down]
Come all you helpless [Come lay 'em down]
Bring all your troubles [Come lay 'em down]
Just lay 'em down

Come lay 'em down [x3] 

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Life as a Robot

The craziest thing happened last night.

Let me first back up to several months ago.

Several months ago I complained to my cardiologist that my heart was "feeling funning."
I felt as if my heart were skipping lots of beats resulting in me feeling some nausea, my lips going numb and sometimes going so far as to black out.

A 30 day halter monitor was ordered but nothing too serious was picked up.

When I went into the cardiologist to have an echo done the tech looked alarmed when I flat lined on the screen. Don't worry, my heart picked right back up on it's own!

The cardiologist gave me the all clear. He explained that I have a LOT of arrhythmia but he wants to hold out giving me the last ditch medication for when it gets REALLY bad.

really bad?

I thought the pacemaker was suppose to help with this?

I went home from the appointment a bit confused but having so many other life situations going on that I put my own heart in the back of my mind.

I'm still feeling the nausea each day, my lips still tingle and my face goes pale, and I still have moments when Roger has to catch me as I start to fall.

Yes, it has been worrying me a bit.
Especially when I am home alone with the kids.
I've taught Paul how to dial 911, told him I ALWAYS keep my phone in my pocket.
I'm just worried about if I am here alone with only Anna.
I'm not as confident in her abilities to call for help.

Last nigh,t as Roger and I were attempting to watch a movie together, I started feeling faint, went pale, and was having a hard time breathing.
I let Roger take a listen to my heart.
He typically takes a listen, tells me all is well and not to worry.
This time it was different.

He had his ear stuck to my chest for a long time.
When he pulled away you could see worry in his eyes.
It freaked me out.
He explained that he had NEVER heard my heart beat so funny before.
It was skipping beats, having fast beats, and really hard beats.

I started to cry.
"I knew it. I'm going to die. My heart is just going to STOP, Roger. I always knew I would NEVER make it to 30. I'm not going to get to see my children grow."

I get REALLY dramatic don't I?

When I got up to walk into the bedroom my heart started feeling a bit better.
I had Roger listen to it again.
This time it sounded better.
It sounded normal.

Then I got to thinking, how can I go exercise at the gym like I do and have no problems yet as soon as I sit down I start feeling sick and light headed?

I sat back down, got my heart to it's pacemaker set resting rate. 
The irregular heart beats came back. 
I started feeling sick, light headed.

I got up, started jumping around the house, getting my heart rate up.  
The irregular heart beats went away.

This is the conclusion that we have come to.
I think my pacemaker is set too low.
They have my resting rate at 64.
That is the lowest it has ever been in 12 years.
It is so low that the pacemaker isn't kicking in to help with the arrhythmia.
That's why when  my plus is up I have no arrhythmia. 
Hence why I can exercise and feel fine yet I can't sit on the couch and feel fine.

Roger and I both started laughing.  "I guess you wont have to remarry after all!!"

First thing Monday I am calling my cardiologist to set a time to get my pacemaker adjusted.
He'll probably let me come in that day for a quick tune up!

This whole "life as a robot" thing is a bit nuts.
You would think after 12 years of this I would be used to it.
But no, it is still very strange to have a piece of medical equipment keeping you alive. 

Friday, April 6, 2012

Paul rides the school bus

Last Friday Paul rode the bus home for the first time.

All school year I have been dropping him off and picking him up.

I've been noticing how every afternoon I get home from picking Paul up at the SAME EXACT time the school kids are being let off of the bus in the neighborhood.  With the gas prizes like they are and the fact that I have to drag Anna out of bed, waking her up from her nap in order to get to the pick up line, I decided that Paul riding the bus home would be a better option.

I, being the mother, was naturally a bit worried about him riding the bus.  You hear all the horror stories about the bus.

All this week we have dropped him off at school in the morning and the bus has brought him home in the afternoon.   

He LOVES it!   
He gets to sit with his best friends from school and church while I get to let Anna sleep.  
When he gets home we get to have Paul and Mommy time since Anna is napping. 

It is wonderful!
We get an hour of uninterrupted mother-son chit chat about his day and my day as we share a snack.  

These years are going by so fast, they really are.
I can't even believe Paul is going to be 7 this summer.
As I watched him climb off of the bus it was as if, for the first time, I was realizing he was a kindergartener. 

Last night as we tucked Paul into bed he asked if he could climb into our bed in the middle of the night to snuggle with me for a little bit.  "I just love you mom.  I want to snuggle up with you for a little while."

At around midnight I had Roger carry a sleeping Paul into our bed.  I snuggled up to that sweet boy and whispered in his sleeping ear how much I adore him.   
I don't think he woke up fully enough to remember our snuggle time but I will certainly never forget it.

On Monday we allowed Paul to stay up late to watch the national championship basketball game as we cheered on our Kentucky Wildcats.  It was a WONDERFUL mother-son bonding experiance. He got so excited every single time Kentucky got a point, jumping up, fist pumping the air, and giving me a high five.  

We jumped and cheered and high fived until a little after 10pm. That's when Paul, being a very responsible kid, said "Mom I have GOT to go to bed. I have school in the morning and I am tired."   I stayed up until after 11pm watching the rest of the game, missing my little cheering buddy.