I have been struggling as to whether or not to share my story.
The story of my journey that lead me to happiness.
I know there is a lot of skepticism, hesitation and stigmas associated with psychiatric medicine.
Because of this, I have hesitated sharing my story.
When I returned home from my cardiologist appointment with a new heart medicine I didn't think twice about popping it into my mouth. My cardiologist said it would help my heart pump, and me to breathe better.
As I swallowed the heart pill, feeling it slip down my throat, I wondered why it was that I popped that pill into my mouth so quickly when a month before I held on tightly to another prescription that I had received, not wanting to fill it.
The reason was because the other pill had a stigma associated with it.
A stigma that has hindered people like me from seeking help.
A stigma that has forced me, and others, to suffer in darkness and anxiety for years rather than be one of THOSE people who took psychatric medications.
I share this journal entry in hopes that others might be encouraged to seek the help that is needed and that they deserve.
Journal Entry from April 26th 2012:
This morning, on the recommendation of Roger, I took my prozac pill. Since I have PMDD I have been told by my doctor to start taking it a few days before my period and then stop once my period starts. I looked at the calendar and it didn't say that it was exactly time to start. I had a few more days. However, yesterday was a pretty bad day. I had a LOT of anxiety. Roger said I didn't seem myself and I didn't feel myself. I wanted to be alone all day, was mad that I wasn't able to be alone, and was exploding over little things. Nothing that I did was enjoyable. I could not feel content or at peace. The self talk in my head was very loud. I wondered around the house as if I were on speed. All I wanted to do was shut my self off, to turn off my anxious brain.
This morning,several hours after taking the prozac pill, I was my happy go lucky self. That's the WONDERFUL thing about this prozac! When I don't take it when I NEED to be taking it (before and during my period) I don't feel like myself. It's when I DO take the medicine that I feel my like my happy go lucky self. My biggest fear, prior to taking my first round of prozac, was that my mood would drastically change. That I would turn into Zombie Jessica.
That's not the case. I feel MORE myself. Little did I know that for years I had been walking around in a haze of depression and anxiety. The social anxiety had become debilitating.
Deciding to seek help for this problem that I have suffered with for years has been miraculous! The prozac has helped me tremendously with the social anxiety and depression that flares before and during my period. Because of this I have been filled with peace and quiet contentment and so many relationships have blossomed in my life! My marital relationship with Roger, that would typically receive an immense amount of strain during said period, has been transformed. I guess it helps that I no longer seem to have a split personality.
Not having to go through two weeks of deep darkness each month helps with LIFE in general!!!!!!
I'm happy! For the first time since elementary school I am truly content.
Anxiety, Social Phobia and Depression BE GONE. This chick has discovered Prozac!