Friday, January 23, 2009

Beautiful day full of strangeness

Today has been an absolutely beautiful day!!! I have had so much fun with the kiddos. We played together all morning long until Anna FINALLY took a nap and then I gave Paul boy a bath. He played in the bath for a whole hr until I finally said he had to get out. While he was in the bath I took that time to write a letter for our relator. She has had a claim filed against her that she didn't sell us this house we are in. I wont go into details but the claim is RIDICULOUS. So, we are writing a letter for her stating all that she did.

When Paul got out of the bath, at 11:15am, I immediately jumped in the shower. At that point I was feeling NASTEY. Then came lunch time. It was nutts, as usual. Anna wanted this/didn't want that. Paul wanted a picnic on the porch. Yaaaada Yaaaadaa yaada. After lunch was over I REFUSED to clean up the mess that was made and ushered the kids outside for a walk to the local, very local, park. We took Paul's basketball and we "played" on the court for a while before heading over to the equipment.

Now, this is going to sound really strange, but bare with me. While we were at the park a HUGE van, like church van size, pulled up. A father figure jumped out of the drivers side, ran around to the passenger doors and began drill sergeant yelling. Then all of a sudden a MASSIVE amount of kids came running out, there were eight He then yelled "you have 30 min GO!!" It was WILD. Throughout the 30min I watched in AMAZEMENT that all of these kids were his. The drill sergeant guy was the dad. All the kids were VERY well behaved and all the bigger ones took care of the little ones. I was reminiscing about when I was little hanging out with all of my cousins when all of a sudden the Father yelled "LINE UP!!!" I was like Oh you aren't." And he totally did. he lined the kids up Vontrapp style, oldest to youngest. Then he yelled "Give me 10!! NOW. DROP IT." And all of these kids dropped to the ground, in the middle of the muddy play ground, and did pushups. Even the 3 year old was doing them. I was beginning to get FREAKED OUT. Then he had them do several different marches in place while they chanted ARMY type things. Then all of a sudden the dad took off running and the kids followed. The little one, 3 years old, was having trouble keeping up so the other kids kept on running and the Dad ran back to tell the little one to keep up. The whole time they were singing "I don't know what you've been told........" FREAKED ME OUT. SERIOUSLY. They're kids. HOLY CRAP. There're kids. The dad must have been a retired drill sergeant or something. WEIRD.

However, the kids did look like they were having fun and the dad was in no way mean to them. It was like they were all playing a game. It was still weird for me though and of course Paul stood there staring at them the whole time saying boy, what are you doing boy?? HA HA HA you're funny boy." I kept going "sssssshhhh paul." But to be honest I was staring too and laughing on the inside.

Oh and the kids kept moving the big picnic tables under the shelter and trying to climb up on the roof. The dad was like "you can do it if you CAN. Let me see you. ADDA BOY!!" I was like "This man's wife has given birth to a family of ninjas." I totally wish I would have had my video camera. You know me, I would have recorded the whole thing!!!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

a little too personal

This is my new ANGRY song!! you know you have an angry song. enjoy!

being the wife of a full time minister with two small children is VERY lonely. Right now I feel like curling up in a ball and crying. I don't understand why some people walk by me, say hi to everyone in the room and completely ignore that I am even there. I go to church and only talk to my kids, the nursery worker and the music minister (I help her while she is teaching a class to the little ones).

I feel like I am never ever going to get a chance to meet people at church because any time they are in need of volunteers no one will step up and help and then I am left with the task. I am glad to volunteer (isn't that what church is all about) but I would like to be able to passively attend a church function every now and then.

What people forget is that the ministers (and their wives) are 24/7 ministering to others but have no one who ministers to them. I have a feeling this is what leads to burn out. It's hard to go weeks, months and even years without being ministered to and in my case, even talked to.

For some strange reason I am beginning to think this is going to be the norm. I guess I'm the untouchable in the room. "oh, there's the youth ministers wife....sssshhhhhh." Tonight no one even sat at the table with Paul and I. They pretty much completely ignored that I was there. USUAL. When I am around town and I see someone they completely ignore me. USUAL.

This whole gig is getting a bit lonely. My husband's always gone to either school or work and I am stuck at home with the kids staring out a grad school application that I have tried FOREVER to fill out. I get opportunities to go out with friends but then something comes up that Roger has to rush to and I am left at home with no one to watch the children. It's depressing. I think I am getting depressed.

I am tempted to pack my bags and run away from home. I love my husband and children but I need a little room to breath (and a hot tub) for about 2 days. There are a lot of weeks where I only talk to Paul, Anna and Roger. I feel like an alien. A weirdo.

This brings me to the importance of community. I see it all around me but I am not a part of it. All these 30 somethings with their kids and their friends. It's so nice to watch and I sometimes sit and think about how fun it would be to have friends with kids and we all lived close to one another. I think about how we would be able to get together and laugh and enjoy a glass of hot tea (or wine!!) while the kiddos played in the living room. Or how we could all take turns watching each others kids on friday so that we would all get a date a month with our husbands. I NEVER get alone time with Roger. Well, unless we send them to the grandparents for a whole weekend but then they are so far away.

Basically, I am lonely. I stay home with the kids all day. My husband is gone all the time either at school or work. All my friends are spread out every which way and stay busy (can't wait till they have children so they can see what busy is ha). I don't really have a church family. But hey, on the bright side, I start playing volleyball with the team this tuesday!!! I'll get out of the house ALONE and get to relieve some stress on the court. When I was an outside hitter I used to pretend that the ball was someones head and I would hit that thing as hard as I could. ACE!!!!!!

This helped a little but I still want to run away. Any one want to pick me up. I'll be the girl on the side of the road with a sign that reads "stay at home mom in need of a hot tub"

anna is crying and poor roger is doing his best to soothe her but the child insists on her mamma. And so the story goes.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Chaplain Jasper

I took Anna to the doctor today it get her a flue shot. Ouch. Poor baby? No, lucky baby!! Apparently we were the last people to receive the shot. They ran out.

Afterwards I walked Paul over the bridge to the hospital. He LOVES bridges so we stopped every few feet to check out the view. As I was walking through the halls of the hospital being my creepy self (Don't judge, it was cold outside and Paul wanted to explore) I realized how much I love being in hospitals. I know, weird. But I have spent the majority of my 24 years in them and they feel like home. I then started thinking about my plans to go to seminary to major in pastoral counseling. Then I got SUPER excited about my end goal.........CHAPLAINCE. I can really see myself walking the halls of a hospital ministering to patients. That excites me!!!

If you know anything at all about me you know that the past 6 years have been consumed with "WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH MY LIFE." And the fact that I feel that I know what I am put on this earth to do gives me the warm fuzzy happy feeling inside. I love that. Right now I am ministering to my family by being a stay at home mom but on down the road, after the kids start school and I get my masters degree, I will also be ministering to others. I'm so excited about life and the journey!!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Wednesday 14, 2009

First of all, it is FREEZING outside. I mean, it is "I don't want to go outside for fear that my nose will fall off" freezing outside. Anyway.

Today has been good so far. This morning I took Paul and Anna to story time at the local library. Paul was a little more involved this time around. Usually he just stands there and stares at the kids as they do the songs, dances and activities. You can tell he's really there to listen to the story and wants them to hurry up with the dances so he can listen to the book. Crazy, weird child that I have. :)

After story time there is usually a craft and today was not an exception. We got to make awesome little penguins out of a ruler so the next time it snows (will it ever) we can take it outside to measure how deep the snow is!!! how clever?!?!? Paul adores penguins so this activity was perfect for him.

Anna was feeling the lack of attention so she decided to show her ugly side but after cleaning up her vomit and feeding her, she rather enjoyed chewing on the puzzle pieces. all the other mothers looked at me in disgust for letting Anna chew on library puzzle pieces, but ya know, you do what you need to keep the peace.

We're at home now trying to eat lunch and get ready for N-A-P-T-I-M-E (nap time). Anna is already asleep and if I don't get Paul boy down in the next couple of minutes I am up a creek. I treasure the alone time when they are both napping. Unfortunatly I NEVER seem to get that.

Friday, January 2, 2009

River Of Earth

When I was little I attended a summer school for dyslexic children in Hindman Kentucky called the James Still Learning Center. Named after the well known Kentucky author, James Still. Over the summers my younger brother Jacob got to know and become friends with a kind, little old man that would come out of his log cabin and down the hill to the cafeteria to eat with us kids. His pockets were always packed full of different types of herbs. This old man would get a kick out of "spicing" up each child's dinner that sat down at his table. I never really talked to him much because I was an incredibly shy child, but I loved listening to the stories he would tell the select few that sat at the table with this strange little old man.

Over the years my brother Jacob continued to attend the summer school each year and later went back to be a counselor in the boys dorm. Slowly the identity of the little old man became known. It was James Still himself!! He ended up writing an Appalachian mother goose book and dedicating it to my brother. He even had one of the first copies sent to us. We also attended his birthday party on at least two occasions.

Even though I knew who he was I never really KNEW who he was. Being dyslexic I hated reading because it was so difficult. That was the reason for going to the summer school. Now that I'm older and better at the whole reading process, I can't stop myself from reading. I love it!! It is safe to say that I have a passion for reading! And if you know me, you know that I am obsessed with the author Wendell Berry. AMAZING!!! But for christmas my husband bought me the well know James Still book "River of Earth." It's so good!!

I can't help but think about how AWESOME it is that I went to a summer school for years to learn how to read, met a man that amazed me by his stories, later found out that that man was James Still and now I am sitting in my living room reading "River of Earth." How strange life is!

One summer our Dad decided to transfer his work (he's a state auditor) to Hindman so that we could all rent a house and stay together instead of me and my brother staying in the dorm. We rented a house on a hill near a log cabin. We had to park WAY down the hill and walk up a path that looked like a goat path through the woods. Each day after school we would wonder through the woods playing make believe. One day we came upon the log cabin that the mysteries old man, that we would later found out was James Still, lived. The door and all the windows were wide open. The wind blowing the curtains. We stepped in what seemed to be the living room. There were books EVERY WHERE. No bookshelves, just books laying stacked EVERYWHERE. We heard a noise, got scared and ran out.

Now here I am reading one of his books. I can't help but wish that during all those summers that I would have known exactly who he was. All the questions I would have asked! I know that we all have those what if moments and this is mine, "What if he was still alive and I was still little and I knew who he was?"

So, amazing!!