Monday, December 17, 2012

random mondays

It was rough sending the kids to school this morning.

The Connecticut school shooting is still fresh on my mind.

I have 18 pages written on my final seminary paper for the semester.

It's in rough draft form but it still feels nice to have something written out.

It is due no later than Wednesday the 19th.

Today is the last full day with out children that I have to work on it.

Anna and Paul have their classroom Christmas parties tomorrow.
Anna only has class until 10:30 tomorrow.

I haven't done anything for Christmas yet. I've been consumed with school.

I'm tired.

I need to go get a new license.

I hate going into the court house.

It is so white.

They need some color in there.

It's sterile and depressing and always puts me in a bad mood.

It that weird?
I just hate that I have to go through a pat down to go get my license.  
I can't walk through the metal detector because of my pacemaker.
Then they have to SEE where my pacemaker IS and check everything on me.
It's annoying and not something that I enjoy doing.
I get tired of the "you don;t look old enough to have a pacemaker" comments.
You would think I would learn not to lose my license.
I need to get a wallet.  A small one.
I hate carrying a purse.  That's why I am always losing stuff.
My pockets suck apparently.
I should get back to working on this paper.
My head hurts.
All I want to do for christmas is cuddle up with the kids and Roger and watch movies.
we're ALL ready for a break.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

My First Semester Back

It's rough getting out of bed on a Saturday when you have been up all night with a sick 7 year old.

When Anna barged into the room at 7am asking for breakfast RIGHT NOW, I sweetly cuddled up to my husband and whispered sweet nothings in his ear in order to convince him that I needed at least another hr of sleep.

It worked!

But I'm not really sure it was because of my sweet nothings because he eventually came back into the bedroom demanding that I get up to go study for my final exams.I guess he wanted to make sure I got plenty of sleep because he knew he was going to kick me out of the house to study.

You see. I pushed him for 5 yrs, (well more than that if you count the undergrad stuff) to get his studying done. We were BOTH determined that he would get his MDiv. I supported him by taking on the tasks of child rearing, house cleaning, and dinner making, and occasionally kicked his butt so that he would be motivated to get his class work completed.

The roles have changed.  Or so it seems.

All of Saturday was spent locked in the church office studying for my final exams.  When I got home I found a hot hunk of a man folding our laundry in a clean house.  He had even fed the children and get this, bathed them. . .  both of them!

This afternoon, Sunday, I fell asleep on the bed while studying.  Not a good place to study. I woke up a bit disoriented, realizing that I needed to go to the grocery store.  As I was rushing around trying to find the list that I had made between study sessions, my Husband grabbed me by the arm and said in a oh so romantic voice "why don't you let me go grocery shopping. You need to rest. You have a big day tomorrow."   My eyes glossed over and little hearts began to fly over my head.

This first semester back after 5 yrs of not being a full time student has been emotionally draining. It is tricky trying to juggle the kids' school activities, their homework, church stuff and family stuff, all while attempting to be a full time student.  On top of that, my heart was giving me a lot of trouble the first part of the semester. That in its self was an emotional roller coaster. One evening when I was feeling particualry bad, right before going to the ER, I rolled over to Roger and said "I don't think I'm going to make it through the night. Just know that I love you and the kids and that I'm ok. I'm not scared to die."

After being rushed to the hospital, we found out that my doctors had my pacemaker set too low and had me on meds that were making my blood pressure dangerously low. I was also having a LOT of skipped beats, to the point that my pulse at resting was 40bpm.  As my cardiologist said, I was on the verge of drifting into heaven. 

I feel incredible now that all the meds are balanced and the pacemaker has been set higher!

 More than anything, this semester has been about learning our new rhythm.  For so long I have taken on EVERYTHING so that Roger could focus on school and work and enjoying the kids whenever he had free time.  It's been hard for me to step back, and it has been hard for him to know when to step up. I think we are finally getting the hang of this!   maybe?!?

I mean, I could totally get used to coming home to a clean house, clean children and clean laundry.

I'm just saying!

I will close with a prayer.  "Dear Lord, Help me pass my exams."   Amen