Monday, September 16, 2013

A touch of Joy

I went to class this morning unprepared for the cooler weather. Being that I live 2hrs from campus I couldn't just run home to grab something. This afternoon, with time to kill between classes, I ran (drove) to the local Goodwill in search of a sweater.

As I walked through the back door of the library I caught a glimpse of myself. Everything that I had on, literally from head to toe, was either bought at Goodwill or given to me out of the goodness of someones heart. 

My hair- Two lovely ladies at the church bought me a VERy generous gift certificate to the local salon I use. I have had free haircuts for almost a yr now, including the kids. Best Christmas present EVER.

My glasses- My Mother works for an eye doctor and gets a 2 free eyeglasses a year. The doctor, out of the goodness of his heart, gives me a free exam and my WONDERFUL Mother gives me one of her free pairs of frames.

My clothes- Goodwill finds

My umbrella - Goodwill find while we were on vacation (yes, I hunt out the goodwills in the expensive neighborhoods)

My Shoes- My Mother-In-Law knew how much I wanted Chacos, but could not afford them, so she got them for me for my 25th birthday.

My backpack- A VERY kind woman in a church was selling a backpack that she had originally gotten for her daughter, but said daughter didn't like the color. I offered to buy it off of her, for a reasonable price, but she refused to take the money, saying it was a Seminary gift.

My purse- I would say this is out of the kindness of her heart, but, in all honesty, I think my mom got tired of my carrying around crap bags so she bought me a very nice 31purse. Thanks Mom!!!

As I stood looking at my reflection, like a crazy person, I was humbled.  I am so incredbily thankful for the wonderful people that our in my life.  Joy!  Joy is what they bring me.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Hello blog world!

It's that time of year again. 

I head up to see my cardiologist for the BIG look around this Friday.

Please be praying for me around 11:15am Sep 13th?
I always tell myself that I'm not nervous, but clearly I am. 

I mean, I'm looking up all of this information on the internet that I have already looked up before. Information about my heart condition that I look up every year about this time.

 "High risk of sudden cardiac arrest" read the websites.

I'm a little freaked out that my appointment is on Friday the 13th.
I don't know why I'm freaked out.  I just am.
It's friday the 13th.
Isn't that a bad luck day?  

I should reschedule. 

The bottom line, that I have to keep reminding myself, is that non of us know when our last breath will be.  Each day is a precious gift.

so happy to get my new pacemaker

I  will never take one second of this gift for granted.  

Summer 2013

Summer 2008

Winter 2009

Summer 2010

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Lord, Hear our Prayers

I'm having a rough day, emotionally

Last night, for the first time in several months, I cried myself to sleep. I couldn't get those awful images out of my mind. The images of my two cousins tucked into their coffins. 

This last year still feels like a dream. So much loss. So much pain. So much confusion. 

"It is dark. He does not know where he is. And then he sees pale light from the street soaking in above the dawn drapes. It is not a light to see by, but only makes the darkness visible." - Remembering, a novel by Wendell Berry.

Grief is a tricky thing. You think you are making progress, then all of a sudden you are back at stage one . . .  SHOCK. 

This past weekend Roger and I went to visit with his family. Before heading into town we stopped by Gran's grave for a visit. 
It was harder than we imagined it would be. Looking at the grave brought back the memories of sitting by her bedside, holding her hand as she struggled to hold on during those last few days of her life.

Paul - "The little lego thing that I made for Granny Janet is still in the coffin with her, right?"
Me- "Yes. And the little picture that Anna drew for her is in there too."

I'm tired.

I find myself wanting to spend the day on the couch.

I forced myself into the shower.

Forced myself to fix my hair.

I'm forcing myself to write a little something on this blog.

Later I will force myself to work on Seminary stuff.

I know all of these things will eventually help. They are helping.
My heart is becoming lighter.    The tears are slowing down.

Psalm 102: 1-2
Hear my prayer, Lord; let my cry for help come to you. Do not hide your face from me when I am in distress. Turn your ear to me; when I call, answer me quickly."

Life is rough sometimes.
So many people I know and love are going through such hard times right now. From the loss of babies, to the loss of Grandparents, to the loss of marriages. Lord, hear our prayers.