Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Lord, Hear our Prayers

I'm having a rough day, emotionally

Last night, for the first time in several months, I cried myself to sleep. I couldn't get those awful images out of my mind. The images of my two cousins tucked into their coffins. 

This last year still feels like a dream. So much loss. So much pain. So much confusion. 

"It is dark. He does not know where he is. And then he sees pale light from the street soaking in above the dawn drapes. It is not a light to see by, but only makes the darkness visible." - Remembering, a novel by Wendell Berry.

Grief is a tricky thing. You think you are making progress, then all of a sudden you are back at stage one . . .  SHOCK. 

This past weekend Roger and I went to visit with his family. Before heading into town we stopped by Gran's grave for a visit. 
It was harder than we imagined it would be. Looking at the grave brought back the memories of sitting by her bedside, holding her hand as she struggled to hold on during those last few days of her life.

Paul - "The little lego thing that I made for Granny Janet is still in the coffin with her, right?"
Me- "Yes. And the little picture that Anna drew for her is in there too."

I'm tired.

I find myself wanting to spend the day on the couch.

I forced myself into the shower.

Forced myself to fix my hair.

I'm forcing myself to write a little something on this blog.

Later I will force myself to work on Seminary stuff.

I know all of these things will eventually help. They are helping.
My heart is becoming lighter.    The tears are slowing down.

Psalm 102: 1-2
Hear my prayer, Lord; let my cry for help come to you. Do not hide your face from me when I am in distress. Turn your ear to me; when I call, answer me quickly."

Life is rough sometimes.
So many people I know and love are going through such hard times right now. From the loss of babies, to the loss of Grandparents, to the loss of marriages. Lord, hear our prayers. 

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