Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Moving On Up

We have officially moved out of the old place and into our very own home!! how strange?? I thought is was so cool that today, new years eve, was our move out inspection. Goodbye 08, hello 09!! So, tonight we are CELEBRATING all the many adventures to come!!!

I swear moving is such a pain, but I had no clue, absolutly no clue, how hard it was going to be packing two kiddos and all the toys that come with them. Roger and I have been married for 4 1/2 years and we have moved 6 times. You do the math. NUTTS!! I know. Moving with one child is hard, I'll admit, but moving with two is "I'm hiding in the corner and crying till this move is over" kinda hard. If only we lived close to family. We are seriously like ALONE when it comes to the kids. The grandparents are an hour and a half away.

Roger loves his new job! I'm so excited for him but I am starting to understand the whole "stress" of ministry. First of all, I had no clue that ministers were on call. I thought that was a doctor/nurse thing. Who knew?? So, we are sitting having dinner one minute talking about how we should take a walk because it is a beautiful night and the next Roger is pulling out of the drive to go minister to a soon to be widow. This new life of being married to a full time minister is kinda strange. A part of me is sad to see him rush off in the middle of dinner but another part of me is very understanding and proud. It's not like he's rushing back to the office to finish paper work and by doing so ignoring his family. He's going to comfort a grieving wife who is about to loose her bestfriend of 50 years. I'm so proud of him. What an incredible responsibility he has taken on. I just pray that I will always be as understanding and proud.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Evil Thoughts

I am so stressed out and want to scream. Trying to move with two small children around the holidays is completely driving me crazy. If only I had someone to watch the screaming baby and the anxious toddler life would be a tiny bit easier. How about this, I'll go away to Hawaii for two weeks while someone unpacks and decorates my home. That sounds like a great plan.

I feel the urge to grab the next person, without kids, that says they were "so stressed" during the moving process, by the back of the head and punch them in the nose. I know that sounds so evil and after I do the evil act I will pray for forgiveness but I really want to hit the next person who makes that comment to me.

I feel like my sense of humor has been replaced by evil jessica. I need to run away. Ok, what I really need is help with the kids. How can a person concentrate on ANYTHING with the two of them?? seriously???? They're good kids but kids all the same. They need fed, changed, cuddled, disciplined and their toys and clothes unpacked. All I can say is at least we didn't move into one of those "good investment" houses. A good "fixer-uper is the last thing I need at the moment.

Oh, speaking of "fixer-uper" when we got back from the christmas break we found that our storm door had not been shut properly when we left and had been blown off of the hinges. GREAT!!!! The glass door didn't break..THANK GOD.... but part of the frame around the door (the wood and metal) was all bent to hell. Good news is that Roger took the door off and it seems to be easy to fix. We just need to make a trip to the hardware store.

anyway, both Roger and Paul want dinner so I best go and do a little jig in the kitchen and make a little something something.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Jasper Christmas

We celebrated christmas with Paul and Anna tonight. We made a cake and after dinner had a birthday party for Jesus. I don't want to do the whole Santa thing. I understand people who do but I want christmas to be a more holy sacred time in our family. Anyway, we put some candles on the cake, sang happy birthday to Jesus and let him open up his presents. Tonight when Roger gets back (he's out caroling with the church) we are going to watch a little kids movie about the virgin birth. I'm really excited about getting snuggled up to watch a real christmas movie with my son.

Speaking of the Santa thing. I walked into a book store last week and Santa was there. I prept Paul before we walked by and let him know that Santa wasn't real. I told him that he is kinda like Bob the builder. He is just make believe. So, we continued on and the Santa stood up and did the whole "HO HO HI LITTLE BOY" and waved. Paul looked up and said "you're not real" I was a bit embarrassed but I couldn't help but cackle. When he gets a little older I'll have to explain to him that he can't go around telling people that Santa's not real.

Friday, December 19, 2008

random thoughts

i'm having a me night tonight! I've decided to stay up late, eat junk food and surf the net. Thus far I have eaten two chocolate covered cherries and a cinnamon raison bagel with cream cheese. I wish the cream cheese was flavored strawberry but Roger just got the plain.

I was to excited to what until christmas to give Roger one of his gifts so I made him open it lastnight. He made me open one of my gifts tonight. I LOVE it. It is the Ordinary Radicals book by Shain Claiborne. Roger is trying to corrupt me and bring me over to his side through books. It is working! The more books I read that he suggest the more I understand him and the more in love I fall. I sure did marry a good man!!!

I think I'll go to the kitchen and find something else to eat.

I found some celery. I know. but I LOVE celery and it is so crunchy.

So, my pacemaker has been shocking me off and on for the past week. I stopped counting yesterday at 12. It feels more like a burn in my arm. It doesn't last to long but it can be quite uncomfortable. I have an appointment with my favorite cardiologist in the whole world set up in January. The last time I saw him I mentioned the pacemaker shocking me and he informed me that one of my leads was broken and that the other one didn't look to good. So, I might be having my leads replaced in the near future. That sure does suck. I know pacemakers aren't really that big of a deal anymore but the idea of wires touching my heart FREAKS ME OUT. I've had some BAD surgery experiences. The worst experience was when I woke up in the middle of a heart cath surgery and threw up all over the operating table. It was bad.

With all of these heart surgeries that I am going to have in my life I am beginning to think I should have married a heart surgeon. "Honey, do you think you could replace my lead for me? The darn thing just keeps shocking me."

Tomorrow is Saturday. I love Saturdays. Roger is here to help me with the kids. I wish we could lay in bed and snuggle on weekend days but between Anna needing fed and Paul jumping on me that is totally impossible. How do people have 3 kids? when do they get the time to, well, you know?? That amazes me. By the time the kids are in bed I'm exhausted and Roger is snoring in the living room floor, face down in a book. Needless to say, we're only having two kids. This factory is closed.

we're thinking about being foster parents when anna is 2 years old. I met a lady at communality who takes foster infants and she said there is a high demand for stay at home moms to be foster parents to take care of the babies that are to little to go to daycare. I would love to do that. I would just consider myself a babysitter for a mother or father that is trying to get back on their feet so they can take care of their new infant. We're looking into that. But I don't want to take on another child until anna is a little older. It amazed me that in the foster care system stay at home moms are in high demand.

Alright, it's 12:30am and I think I have stayed up late enough. I have christmas shopping to do tomorrow. booooo

Humm, I think I might do the "Rog, can you feed Paul and Anna this morning while I lay her and rest just a little bit longer" move in the morning. I wonder if he'll let me? He's a good husband and usually lets me lay there as long as I want.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

screaming child

Anna has been screaming nonstop for the past 5 days. It is starting to drive me absolutely CRAZY. I change her diaper, rock her, and then try to feed her. Nothing helps. The worst part about it is that she wont even eat. Every hour I sit for 30 min trying to get her to eat a bottle. She just throws her head back, clinches her fists and SCREAMS. Then she starts biting at the nipple. I know she is teething but this is nutts. I've tried all the teething meds and tricks and nothing seems to help.

I did manage to get some milk down her yesterday and today after a HORRIBLE fight.

The poor thing also has a reflux problem. If I don't put rice in her milk (told by the pediatrician to put a teaspoon for every ounce) she projectile vomits all of the milk before it even has time to digest. Because of her "little" problem she screams if she is not in a sitting up position. I mean SCREAMS!!! You can hear the agony in her cry. It is horrible. So, laying her down for anything is pretty much impossible unless you don't mind the horrible screams. She spends all day either in a high chair, in my lap, or laying in the floor screaming. I can't get any peace.

Now, my question. Why wont the pediatrician give me any meds for this?? I understand that the Doctor wanted to wait it out and see if she outgrew the problem but it is clear that she hasn't and it is clear that she is in horrible pain. All the doctor tells me is "well, lets try making her milk a little thicker. Let's increase the amount of rice we put in the bottle." COME ON PEOPLE. yes, the rice is helping BUT the poor baby is still hurting sooooo bad. The only difference I can tell with the rice is that when she tries to projectile vomit the milk is too thick to come out all the way and just chokes her a bit and then goes back down. IT STILL BURNS. IT's STILL HAPPENING.

The worst part about this whole thing is that I like Anna's pediatrician as a person. She's such a sweet lady and you can tell that she loves her job and adores baby's. but as a doctor, i don;t really trust her. She doesn't seem to have enough backbone. I ask her questions and then tell her what I am doing about the problem and she just kinda nods her head. I am left thinking "ummmmm ok ANSWER MY QUESTION" I mean for real, I'm just the mom, she's the doctor. I sure as hell didn't go to med school. I just had sex and a baby popped out. I only know so much by the process of elimination.

I think the Doctor doesn't want to step on my toes by saying I'm doing something wrong so she doesn't really say anything when I am doing something that is clearly wrong. But, I NEED her to tell me when I am doing something wrong. This whole thing just stinks.

Any one know of a good pediatrician at the UK pediatric clinic???? I need one that would be willing to knock me over the head when I am doing something wrong but also one that I feel actually CARES and likes their job!!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

adventures of motherhood

It seems like I have absolutely no time to breath. Once I get finished with one child, the other one needs me. It goes on like this all day long every day. Sunday I was so exhausted that I had to hold back tears during church. All I wanted to do was crawl in a hole and cry until I couldn't cry anymore.

Roger has to be at church earlier so I am left at home alone with a toddler and an infant. I rush around like a mad person getting everyone fed, changed, clothed and to church by 9:40am. It is crazy. I know that mothers all over do it but for some reason it just plum wears me out. I never have any time to really care for myself. I guess that is what motherhood is all about. The main sacrifice is neglecting yourself in order to care for your children. I pretty much feel like I look like utter crap every single day. I don't ever get any time to REALLY get dressed. I jump in the shower... jump out...put on a in and soothe Anna a back to the room to throw on some undees....check on why Paul is back and throw a shirt and pants in and change anna's diaper and feed back to the bathroom to dry my into the kitchen and put a bowl of cereal out for back in the bathroom and throw the hair in a pony tail.....check on why anna is back to the bathroom to brush my teeth....... It goes on and on like that ALL DAY LONG. By the time Roger gets home I want to run away but we have to start dinner. Then clean up dinner. Then feed Anna. Then get Paul a bath. Then get him into bed. Then get Anna to bed. Then I am so tired I go climb in the a hot bath and space out until I start dozing off.

Being a mom is hard work and being a stay at home mom is just completely nutts. I feel blessed that I get to stay home with my kids but sometimes I yearn for a career other than mom. With a 9 to 5 job it is just that, 9 to 5. Being a stay at home mom, my work day starts anywhere between 5am and 7am and ends anywhere between 8:30pm and 10pm. With two kids and one mom (me) there are no lunch breaks, no 15 min breaks and barely any bathroom breaks. Oh, and there are no sick days or vacation. You're sick, who cares, the kids still need to be fed, changed and entertained. Want to go on vacation?? Ok, but you have to take your work with you.

If it sounds like I am complaining it is because I am. As a stay at home mom I feel under appreciated. I hate the looks I get when someone asks where I work. They act as if staying at home to raise my kids is not work. I have had a job outside of the home and I can testify that staying at home with kids is WAY HARDER than it looks but it is WAY MORE SATISFYING. AT the end of the day I am completely worn out but at least it is because I have been taking care of my little family.

All I ask is that the next time you see a mom appreciate her. Whether or not she works at home or works outside the home. Appreciate her. Give her some respect. Show her some kindness.

And heaven forbid moms, quit trying to one up each other. Why can't we all just get together and talk like normal people with things going on in our lives besides our children. And please for the love of everything holy, stop the baby talk. Oh man, the baby talk drives me nutts. And don't ask my 6month old questions. She doesn't understand. If you want to know "why the itty bitty sweety is a wettle fuuuuuzzzy tooooday" just ask me.

Being a mom is hard work and all us moms need to stick together.

Now, on to figure out why Anna is screaming yet AGAIN.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Things I LOVE about the house

- the MASSIVE front porch
- the BIG back deck
- the beautiful staircase and foyer
- the hardwood floors
- the very DEEP kitchen sink
- that all the bedrooms are upstairs and it feels so cozy and relaxing up there
- being right by the park, the church, the library and paul's school
- having two living rooms (formal and family)
- the door chimes
- the crown molding in the family room
- the bay windows in the living rooms
- the lazy susan cabinet in the kitchen
- my cheep house payment

Moving on up

So, we've moved!! We have maybe a car load of stuff left at the other place and we still need to clean the other place but we are official residents of the new town that we are in. It feels really weird. Maybe it feels weird because I am so incredibly tired. I'm also a bit out of it. I have a bad cold and took some cold medicine. my head is floating and my fingers for some reason look really really long. Strange.

We have pretty much unpacked everything but we still have some odds and ends laying around. I'm trying not to be to neat freak about everything and work on taking care of the kids. It is difficult trying to "set up house" while taking care of a 3 year old that keeps getting everything out and an infant that keeps screaming and spitting up everywhere. I love my children but having them sure does make things like, taking a shower, getting dressed, making dinner and MOVING incredibly difficult.

Saturday was our main moving day. And if you can remember, it snowed Saturday. I woke up dreading the move, got dressed, ate some breakfast and then looked outside. "HOLY CRAP YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" Just my luck, it was snowing BIG TIME snowing. SNOWING!!!! :(

Colt came over around 10AM to help us move. I must pause here and say that if it wasn't for Colt we would either still be moving or I would be crushed my a washing machine. He was the only friend that was free to come help us. Thank you so much Colt!!

As soon as Colt arrived we piled in the uhaul and prepared ourselves for the ride of our lives. Think about it. Me trying my best to drive a packed Uhaul in the snow down the interstate with Colt and Roger laughing at any and everything. It was a little nutts but we had fun and most importantly, we didn't crash and die. YAY

Roger's mom and sister came up on Saturday and took the kids to their house. It was such a relief to get the kids out of the way. Paul was freaking out that we were packing up his toys. I tried to explain that we were taking them to the new house but he wouldn't calm down enough.

Colt helped us until 4:15pm and then he had to leave to go to work. What a great guy! He helped us load and unload two uhaul trips and then went to work from 6 to 11pm. I bet he was so tired.

Roger and I continued to work well into the evening. At about 8pm we finally finished unloading the last uhaul trip and decided to go out to eat. As soon as we got into the restraunt I collapsed on the table. I barely had enough energy to chew.

When we got back to the house I cleaned and unpacked the bathroom while Roger set up our bed. We had church the next morning so I was trying to get everything ready so we would be able to get dressed in the morning. As soon as my head hit the pillow (around 12:30) Roger rolled over and said "Oh I forgot we are suppose to light the advent candle at church tomorrow and we have to say a little something."

The next morning was CRAZY. None of our clothes were unpacked so we had to rummage around and find something, take a shower and rush to church. As soon as church was over I rushed back to the house and started unpacking. And that is what we have been doing eve since. It is nutts. COMPLETELY NUTTS. But I do love the house and the location is absolutely awesome. We have truly been blessed.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008


I am on the verge of giving up. How in the world am I suppose to pack up this place and move boxes to our new house while taking care of a teething and gassy 6 month old and a sick 3 year old. This is seriously nutts. You should have seen me yesterday. All I wanted to do was run away and hide in a hole.

I packed the car with boxes between feeding, changing, and soothing anna. Then I drove 30 minutes to our new house, went to wal-mart to buy light bulbs, smoke detectors, carbon dioxide detectors and a fire extinguisher. It took me a whole hour in Wal-mart because Lord knows why. Then I drove on to the new house and unpacked everything into the dinning room, including a screaming baby. Then I tried to unpack but Anna decided that she wanted to scream so for a whole hour I worked on soothing, feeding and changing her. before I new it I hadn't unpacked anything and it was time to go pick Paul up from his preschool.

So, I loaded the screaming baby up and picked up Paul and brought him back to the house with me. I attempted AGAIN to unpack the stuff and after 2 hours of unpacking a little, feeding a baby, unpacking a little more, fighting with Paul, unpacking a little more, changing Anna, unpacking a little more, changing Paul, I finally finished unpacking the small car load that I had brought.

I feel bad but I am just so mad at my kids at the moment. I know, "How can you be mad at a 6 month old and 3 year year old?" I'll tell ya. This is our first home and I want to do the whole first home "enjoy moving in" process. I want to be able to unpack my crap without constantly worrying about what those two little rascals are doing. And the screaming, oh my gosh, the screaming is really starting to get to me. Think about the torture of being locked in a room for 3 days with a screaming baby. It is just that, pure torture. I've given her orajel, gas meds, I offer her food, I change her diaper and she still screams. All I can do is give her some toys and walk out of the room. The screaming is psychologically draining. I want to cry.

I wish Roger and I could just go over to the house and unpack like normal people. But no, the majority of the time allotted to unpacking is spent wrangling kids.

Man alive. I am psychologically exhausted and want to run away to a beach with my Wendell Berry books until this whole moving thing is over. Or maybe I could just send the kids away until we have moved in so I can actually get some moving done

Monday, December 1, 2008


I am really missing my Grandfather (Papal). I know he passed away a little over a year ago but I still haven't fully gotten over it. I just feel so guilty. I should have driven the 2 hours to the hospital at 3am. I just should have. He was headed to the hospital because of back pain. How was I suppose to know that he was actually suffering pain from the aortic aneurism that had burst? It was 3am and I was half asleep when my mom called and she didn't act like it was that big of a deal. I should have thrown some clothes on and driven as fast as I could. I feel so incredibly guilty. I had to work the next day at the state psychiatric hospital at 7am and I knew I wouldn't be able to get off of work. Damn work. Damn that psychiatric hospital and all the crap that the nurse manager put me through. If only? If only?

My life changed at 5am on July 29. My mom called and told me that my Papal (my bestfriend, my mentor, the only person who has never really judged me for my faults) had passed away. He bled to death. He went all day bleeding internally and had no clue. I absolutely hate that I wasn't there for him when he most needed me. He was always there for me and I wasn't there for him.

Needless to say I called in to work, got dressed as fast as I could and drove as fast as I could to my Mamal's house 2 hours away. It was horrible. All I wanted to do was mourn with my family but everyone acted like it wasn't proper to cry. My family is not big on showing emotion. It made it worse. It made me miss my Papal even more. I walked into his room, curled up in a ball on his chair and cried until I had no more tears. I just wanted my Papal back.

The next day I was unable to get off of work (stupid psychiatric hospital) so I had to go to work and try to explain to my psych patients why I was walking around all day in tears. It sucked.

At the funeral I couldn't help but hold Papal's hand most of the night, kiss his forehead and rub my fingers through his hair. He was so cold. His hair was so soft. He looked so unreal. I couldn't believe that it was my Papal laying there. I wouldn't believe. IT felt like a dream.

When I went back to my mamal and papal's house after the funeral I noticed the tractor over in his field and someone was driving it. I immediately thought "It WAS a dream." and had the overwhelming urge to run out after him. Then I came to my senses. The next day I put on my walking shoes, headed out to Papal's farm and walked the fence row as long as it took for me to stop crying. That was the best thing that I could have done. Being all alone out on that 100 acres helped me to say goodbye to the person that meant so much to me.

I spoke at his funeral. The following is what I said:
Being the oldest of 16 grandchildren I felt that it was my responsibility to stand here today to let everyone know how much Papal loved his little buckaroos.

Papal was more than just your ordinary Papal. He was our friend and mentor. Seeing us succeed brought him great joy. It seemed like all he ever wanted to do was make us happy.

Looking back on my childhood all the happy memories are when I was with my Papal. He had the tendancy to make everyday things extrodinary. I ll never forget those long summer days spent on Bunkerhill being pushed in a tire swing by Papal or those cool spring afternoons riding in the back of his truck across the farm or even those rainy days when he would give each buckaroo 5 dollars and insist that Mamal take us all to the dollar store.

Life wont be the same without our Papal but it will go on. Right now we are feeling happy, sad, and confussed all at the same time. Happy that Papal is where he has always yearned to be. Sad that some of the younger buckaroos will never get to experience the wild and crazy adventurs of Papal. And confused because we just lost our best friend.

Papal, we love you so much. Our hearts ache for you. What we wouldn't give to have one more little adventure with you. Each and everyone of us feel incredibly blessed to have had a Papal like you. You truly were an incredible person.

You always told the older buckaroos to take care of the younger ones and I promise you that I will make sure that the little ones grow up knowing how much you loved them.

Thank you so much for loving us, teaching us and making us laugh. We love you Papal!

No matter how old we get we will always be your little buckaroos.

picture of mamal with some of the grandkids and a picture of the tire swing

Sunday, November 30, 2008

saw a mouse

I was walking into the bathroom half asleep when all of a sudden a mouse crawled over my foot. I screamed terror and jumped in the laundry basket. Now that I am calm I'm thinking about how funny I must have looked to Roger when we ran into the bathroom and say me standing in a laundry basket half screaming/ half crying. I hope we catch that nasty thing.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Our first Home!

We bought our first home! How strange is that? I mean, seriously, I'm a little freaked out. I own a home. Oh man. What in the world have I gotten myself in to. I feel like I should be more excited than I am. I want to be excited. I guess I'm excited but not as excited as I thought that I would be. i'm thinking maybe it is because once you have given birth, twice, buying a house doesn't really seem as exciting. Lets I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that having a baby is SO MUCH MORE exciting then buying a house. Nothing tops having a life made out of love!!! I'm thinking this is why people buy the house and then have the baby. I don't know. Just a thought.

Anyway, we own a home. YAAAAY Well, let me rephrase that....we own a house. Over the next couple of months we will be making it into a home. I hope (biting lip).

The whole closing process was a piece of cake. Don't roll your eyes at the screen. It WAS a piece of cake. the only thing about the house buying process that was annoying ( i wouldn't call it stressful) was getting my mutual fund closed out and a check sent to me. Darn Edward Jones could not seem to get anything right.

I must say, however, that I was feeling a little overwhelmed whilst sitting in the conference room at the bank with our attorney (this is another story), our loan officer, our realtor, the seller and the seller's realtor. I sat and stared at the stack of papers we were about to sign and rocked back and forth in my chair, while sitting on my hands. "What are we doing? Is this the right decision? Oh no, I'm signing my childhood away. I have to grow up now. I have a mortgage." At which point Roger looked at me with that crazy, creepy smile and all my fears and worries disappeared "yep, we're making the right decision."

I was feeling pretty calm and starting to get a little bit excited and then the seller handed me the keys. I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. It was almost as if some random person on the street walked up, handed me their child and took off running. My immediate reaction was to slide them back across the table and say "ha, funny."

After the whole "holy moley we own a house" smile. We decided to get lunch from a local deli (SubWay) and have a picnic in OUR living room. It was so weird walking into a house that we own. I mean, we OWN a house. How unjasper is that??? OWNING a house. Anyway, we had a lovely lunch!

Then I drove across the street and picked up Paul from school. He has been soooooooooo excited about having his own house. He was very confussed a couple of weeks ago as to why we were not allowed to stay at the house. I tried to explain to him that mom and dad had to give the man money first and then he would give us a key. Well, yesterday while he was at his Nanna's house he found some change on the floor. He grabbed it real fast, jumped up and down and said "I can buy my new house now!!!!" So, when I picked him up from school I took him to the house. While we were on the porch I said "Paul, you know that money you found yesterday? I took it to the man. You know what he gave me??? A KEY!!!!" Then I pulled the key out of my pocket and he jumped up and down faster than I have ever seen him jump. We sat on the stairs in the foyer and enjoyed a snack of apples, marshmallows, and raisons. His little face was priceless. He is so excited and that makes me so happy!!!

Also, I drive around town this afternoon looking for a fitness center, a hair dresser, and cool stores. guess what I found??? THE PEDDLERS MALL!!!!! YAY. It's even better than the peddlers mall where we live now. less junk!!

To end this blog I must say how blessed I feel. God is truly amazing and I have no clue why he has blessed me so much. He amazes me!

Sunday, November 23, 2008

meaningful living

Life has been so great lately, I have been learning so much about so many different things.

For the past month I have been very interested in the learning as much as I possibly can about the civil right movement. I grew up in a small town in Kentucky that thought Martin Luther King Jr. was quote "nothing but a no got for nothing nigger." I know most everyone that is reading this is in utter shock by that quote but let me tell you something even more shocking, that quote was from my parent's sunday school teacher. I know, you are speechless aren't ya.

Anyway, I grew up knowing very little about the movement and really had no REAL clue who Martin Luther King Jr, was. I mean, I knew who he ways but I didn't really know WHO he was.

In college I took a class entitled Seminar on Vocation. We were given an ungodly amount of incredible books to read and asked to write a reflective essay on each. It was a bit overwhelming and needless to say I only skimmed through most, ok, all of the books. However, I kept all of the books with the intention of reading them at some point in my life. One of those books was the autobiography of Martin Luther King Jr. So, with the whole Obama running for president thing I thought I better hop to it and learn as much as possible about Mr. King and the movement so that I could really enjoy the history that was taking place.

Thus far Martin Luther King Jr rocks my world. He was such an amazing man and I promise you that if I were to have another son I would name him Martin. A lot of people in the small little town I grew up in believe he started the whole movement. No, he didn;t, he just happened to be in the right place at the right time. He was just a well respected pastor at a local church. Rosa Parks was kinda the person who started this whole thing. Let me explain.

Something I didn't know that I learnt from the book was that Rosa Parks was NOT the first black individual to refuse to move to the back of the bus. She was simply the first black individual that refused to move to the back of the bus that didn't resort to violence. Thus, she was the first black individual to be arrested for soly disobeying the jim crow laws. The others prior were arrested because of disorderly conduct. When the black community found out that a little kinda hearted, good tempered Rosa Parks was forced off of the bus and into jail they became very upset. Violently upset. But Martin Luther King, being a passivist, discouraged a violent retaliation and simple stated that if the bus system was unwilling to treat Negros fairly they would simply no longer ride the bus. Why support (give money) to a system that is unjust.

Another bit of information that I have picked up from the book is that Martin Luther King required those who wanted to participate in the demonstrations (marches, sit-ins, boycotts ) to go through a training. This training was to insure a peaceful, nonviolent demonstration. He wanted to make sure they knew the proper way to respond when faced with violence. This was to be a peaceful movement. Unfortunately some white citizens didn't get the memo.

So, I contend that if it was not for Martin Luther King Jr the civil rights movement would have been even bloodier then it was. He stood in the middle of those who were content to be ignored and degraded and those who where so tired of being ignored and degraded that they had resorted to violence and hatred towards the whites. He spoke to the content that it was not ok to be content in the unjust jim crow laws and he spoke to the discontented that violence and hatred was not the way. "A social movement that only moves people is merely a revolt. A movement that changes both people and institutions is a REVOLUTION."

The amount of knowledge out there that is at my finger tips amazes me. I never want to stop learning, I never want to be that person that thinks they know everything and that there is no longer a need to search. I want to pursue my PhD soly because I want to go to school as long as possible and soak up as much as I can while I am there.

My year of discovery, as I lovingly call this gap between undergrad and graduate school, has been such a blessing. I have been blessed with the time to seek out things of interest and learn as much as I can. No deadlines, no requirements, no GPA's. It's fabulous!!! Stress free learning at it's finest.

I only pray that one day Paul and Anna will have the passion for learning that Roger and I have just recently discovered. My dream is that one day Roger, Paul, Anna and I will have indepth discussions about theology, psychology and philosophy over a nice home cooked meal as the grandkids run circles around the table. What a a wonderful life!!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Day Dreaming

I love my children but sometimes I crave the "married without children" life. Being married with two children is hard work. There are times when Roger and I are home all day together and never really talk. We say words to one another like "hey, Anna needs her diaper changed" and "Paul is screaming in there. Can you go check on him." But we lack actual conversation. It's hard to have an actual grown up conversation when you have little ones around who need constant care and attention. Then when the little ones are in bed asleep all I want to do is jump in a hot bath with a glass of wine and lay there until I'm half asleep.

Sounds horrible? I know!

But the truth is that is not how most nights and days are. For instants, lastnight Colt came over to talk, I went to play Volleyball (we won second in the tournament) and the kids played nicely in the living room. When I got back from the game the kids were in bed and Roger was lying in the floor reading. WE talked a bit and then decided to sing Karaoke until 1am.

However, today while I was at the library, I began to think nasty thoughts "Man, life would be so much easier and I could get so much more accomplished if I didn't have these darn kids." For example, going anywhere with the kids is a huge task. It takes FOREVER just to go to the library to get a book and half the time when I finally get into the library I am to tired to fight with paul to follow me over to my section to look for anything.

I'll spare you the details but getting two kids and yourself dressed, in the car, back out of the car, into the library and back in the car again only to get back out is extreme.

Today at the library I had my hands so full that I had to ask a librarian to hold Anna. It sure does take a village.

I envy people who have their parents near by for help. Our parents live 2 hours away. If we want to run out and do something we have no one to watch the kids. I would love to be able to say 'man i need about an hour break. Rog, I think I'll take the kids to your mom;s for a bit." No sir that does not happen here. If we want to go anywhere at all, even out for a quick bit of coffee alone together we have to plan it way in advance. Thankfully we have friends who are more than willing to drop everything if we absolutely need someone at that moment to watch the kids, but I hate to bother them to much. here lately we have been sending the kids, once a month, to their Nanna's house for the weekend. It gives Roger and I a chance to reconnect with one another, get caught up on school work, and hang out with friends.

On a side note, Anna has two teeth now!!! She screamed all day yesterday and nothing would appease her. So, I got to thinking that maybe she was teething and stuck my finger in her mouth to massage her gums. Then she bit me. OUCH!!! And I discovered that she had two teeth on the bottom. I wanted to cry. My little baby girl has teeth. I swear she is growing faster than Paul.

Anna also has decided that I am just as funny as paul. I don't even have to do anything, she just looks at me and laughs. However, she does still look at me and cry....she needs to get control over her emotions :)

I'm excited about moving to the new house, still!!! I have been thinking about how I am going to decorate (shhhhhh don't tell Roger). I'm going to go with a Wendell Berry theme in our living room, a Beatrix Potter theme in Anna's baby room and Paul wants his room to be all about baseballs.

Ok, I'm rambling. I guess the time has come to exit the internet world and reenter the stay at home mom world by waking up the kiddos. Nap time is such a sacred hour. wish me luck!

Friday, November 14, 2008

quick update

First, my husband hates the nick name that I have given him. So, I have changed all the names. We are now going to be refered to by our first names. Jessica, Roger, Paul and Anna.

Second, Anna tried green beans today and said "mmmmmmm" I think it is safe to say that she loves the green beans.

And third. We have locked down an interest rate!!! Are you ready? Don't wet your pants but we got a 5% interest rate!!!! How AWESOME!! So, our house payment is crazy low. I keep pinching myself. I'm freaking out. Roger has been looking around at banks for two weeks and he totally hit the jackpot today. I know what you are asking..."did you buy points??" and the answer is NO. My husband just has ridiculously good credit.


Our closing date has been moved up to Nov 24. CRAZY. We're going to have so much to be thankful for this thanksgiving. I'm so excited about sitting around the table, eating turkey and showing off our new house.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Mr. inspector

We had the home inspection today. It was a little bit overwhelming. We walked through the house with him for 4hours while he told us this and that about the house. Well, I didn't really get to walk through the house listening to the man. I was to busy with little chica and amigo. They were a handful today.

Anyway, we got good and bad news. The house isn't absolutely perfect :( Hey, stop rolling your eyes. I was praying that he was going to walk in the house and say "Wow, perfect house. You have absolutely nothing to fix." Of coarse that never happens but hey I can always wish.

The things that he saw as a problem really aren't that big of a deal to fix. So, we are going to have some other professionals out to look at those things and give an estimation and see whether or not we need to re-negotiate with the seller on the price. We'll see. Either way we are pretty sure that we are going to go ahead and buy it but you just never know.

While preacher man and inspector man were walking through the house I took some pics. I' excited but I'm trying my best to not get too awful excited. Our closing date is still set for the 26th so if everything goes smoothly from here (fingers crossed) we'll get the house. I'm a bit nervous about buying a house but I guess everyone is when they buy their first house.

Also, we got the extra money in the other bank account!!!! YAY!!! I was so nervous about that. So, now we have a 10% downpayment plus a little extra to do some work on the house.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

the kiss of death

So, things have not been to good in the Crazy household.  All day Saturday Amigo threw up.  It was so sad to watch this tiny little guy throwing up in a bucket all day long.  It crushed me.  Then Saturday night Preacher man started to feel sick.  Sunday morning came and Preacher man decided to call in sick to church.  

Saturday through Monday I played the role of doctor mom/wife.  Taking temps, giving plenty of liquids to the needy, and cleaning up vomit.  I was very careful the whole time to not touch my mouth with my hands and to constantly wash my hands.  Well, monday night around 10pm I started feeling a little "not myself."  I decided I was tired and took a nice hot bath to get ready for bed (I was freezing).  While in the bath I started feeling like I was going to throw up so I immediately got out and got dressed as fast as I could.  I hopped in the bed hoping that the nausea feeling was just a result of bath water being to hot.  

Sometime in the middle of the night I found myself screaming for Preacher man while my face was in the toilet.  It was horrible.  Now, what you need to know about me is that I am a BIG BABY when it comes to being sick.  I cry and do the classic "ooooh I am so sick" kinda whine.  After 4 1/2 years and two children, Preacher Man knows his job when I'm sick.  He holds my hair back and rubs my back.  What a lovely guy!!!

I was so sick last night that I decided to sleep with a bucket beside the bed.  Every 30 minutes I would roll over, yell for preacher man and he would give me support while I threw up (I know I am such a baby)

Early, early this morning amigo came in our bedroom saying that he was going to throw up.  He laid in our floor with his elmo blanket and we both took turns throwing up in the bucket.  It was a miserable night.  

My main concern is little chica.  She's just 5months and if she gets what amigo and I have it would be devastating.  Preacher man stayed home with us today and took care of the kids and me.  I laid in bed until 4:30pm and then finally forced myself to take a shower.  I feel a whole lot better than I did lastnight but I'm still aching all over and just feel a bit nauseated.

Anyway, that's what has been going on in the Crazy house.  There's you a little update.

Also, we have our home inspection on Thursday so let's all pray that it goes well!!  Also, we have a bank that said they would offer us a 6.0% interest rate with zero points.  AWESOME!!   we just need to get all of our statements together so that we can lock down the interest rate.  hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.  I sure hope amigo starts feeling better.  It worries me. 

Thursday, November 6, 2008

times, they are a changin'

Whether you were for Obama or McCain how could you not be moved by what has taken place? 

Yesterday I was listening to Martin Luther King Jr. "I have a dream" speech.  I started to cry.  It was even more moving than it was the first time I heard it.  His dream has come true.  A black man has been elected to the highest office in America.  And the amazing part is that I am alive to see it!!!  My children will be growing up in a world with a different outlook than what I grew up in.  how amazing??  I feel so blessed!

On the way to the park yesterday (we've gone to the park everyday this week because it has been so beautiful outside) I turned up John Lennon's "Power to the People."  It was such an amazing experience being able to drive around listening to that powerful song while people all over town were taking down their Palin/McCain signs!  I couldn't help but feel giddy!! 

Ok, enough about being part of history and on to the main point of this blog.  Keeping family and friends updated on the life and times of the Crazy family!

Like I said above, we went to the park yesterday.  

I called preacher man at work and begged him to take the rest of the day off so he could go to the park with us.  To my surprise he agreed!!  We had a wonderful afternoon laying around at the county park while Amigo played.  However, while there, we saw some strange characters.  And all of you all know how much I love strange characters. ( I must admit I miss working at the psychiatric hospital)

The first character:
   A young man, around the age of 16, rode up to the park with his bicycle.  We notice that he is talking to himself about weird things and acting like there was two people he was talking to.  However, those two people weren't  there.  I've seen the boy before and I have decided to diagnose him with schizophrenia.  He seems to be the text book case. He also loves to listen to his little headset.  That is another sign.  All the schizophrenic patients at the hospital had their headset on at all times.  The music would deaden the voices that they were hearing.  It was their only escape unless they had the type that only heard voices through the radio

So anyway.  He was fun to observe!!!

The second Character:
   We were trying our best to listen to the first characters conversation with his "friends" when out of no where this man appeared that looked a bit out of place. He had nice black dress pants on that were way to short and a dress shirt.  I thought he was a Dad that was meeting his family at the park like preacher man did.  However, he immediately walked over to the monkey bars and started swinging his arms around like he was stretching.  I said "oh no, is he going too.  Oh tell me he's not."  And he did.  He jumped up and started doing pull ups.  He would pause in between a few and do those stretches of his and then jump right back up on the bars.  He was grunting and everything.  So, there we were with this character doing pull ups while the other character was walking around yelling at himself.  Then all of sudden character 2 stopped doing pull ups and headed towards a tree.  I thought "Oh maybe he is going to do some karate stuff."  No, I was wrong, he started smelling the tree.  SMELLING THE TREE.  I think he might have even licked a leaf.  At least that's what it looked like from where I was sitting.

While we were watching Character 2 we lost track of character 1.  We thought he must have went home.  then all of a sudden we heard a kid scream. Lo and behold character 1 was standing at the bottom of an enclosed slide, screaming boo as the kids came down.  Man, wouldn't that be traumatic for a kid.  

Anyway, we had fun and I thoroughly enjoyed the uniqueness of the characters we were so blessed to encounter!!  


Sunday, November 2, 2008

Our House, is a very very very fine house

I can't get that Crosby, Still, Nash and Young song "Our House" out of my head.  After church today we drove by the house that is soon to be ours and put the cd in.  On the way back to Georgetown I kept hitting repeat.  It makes me smile to think about how blessed we are.  God has truly taken care of us!!  

I still remember the day that we decided to get married. We were Freshman in College and just had the wild idea to get married.  We had everything planned except for where we were going to live, work or how in the world we were going to be able to continue to go to college.  WE left it all up to God.  Sounds crazy?  UMMM yeah!!  But sometimes the only way you can truly follow the will of God is to be completely nutts.  Just look at John the Baptist, Abraham and Sarah, and Moses, now Moses was a  complete nutt.  Have you read the passage in Exodus where he waits in the bushes for the King to come down to the river?  Then he jumps out of the bushes and says "Let my people Go!"  He was a nutt.

Nutty or not, we got married, made it through college with no loans, and had two kids.  Now, at the age of 24, we are blessed enough to buy our own home.  Cliche' alert, "God is so good!"  

Preacher Man and I, since the beginning of our marriage have been committed to living a simpler life.  The first step we took was buying silver wedding bands.  It's not what the ring is made of that matters.  It's the commitment that was made with the ring.  The ring is a symbol of not only our commitment to one another but our commitment to God and our commitment to have a simplistic life style.

We are buying a house.  How is that simple?  I know.  I have been asking myself the same question.  But to be honest.  We bought the house not for the whole "Oh look we are homeowners."  We bought the house as an outreach for the church that we are now involved in. We are going to be able to meet so many people by living down town!  the house is also spacious enough to have many youth and young adult events in.  It's also going to be so much easier to minister when we are only 2 blocks from the church.  All the travel has left us all exhausted.  

On the day we close on the house (the weekend before Thanksgiving) we are going to camp out in the living room by the fireplace with some sleeping bags and a bottle of wine!  Then the day after we officially move in we are going to sit down as a family and watch "It's a Wonderful Life."  

I feel so blessed.  God is truly taking care of us.  With out him none of this would have been possible.


Tuesday, October 28, 2008

downtown living

So far we have been pre approved by two banks!!!  We're talking to the third one at 1:30pm today and then talking to my financial agent who handles my mutual fund at Edward Jones.  They informed us yesterday that they would be willing to give us a home loan.  She said it would be better than what any bank could offer us.  I guess we'll see.  So far we have been getting AWESOME offers from banks.  It's so fun to shop around for loans.  It makes me feel so special to have these banks compete for our money.  ***smile***

Preacher Man was gone ALL DAY yesterday.  He didn't get home from class until 9:30pm.  Today he's not getting home from work until late so we are going to meet him for dinner.  Once again, having a home there would be AWESOME.  he could just walk over to the house for a dinner break instead of us driving all the way there and eating out.  Moving there is going to be a BIG MONEY SAVER!!  The most our house payment will be is 750 a month and that is including the home owners insurance. It'll probably be lower than that because we are not giving the woman what she is asking.  We're going to start out by offering 20,000 less than her asking price.  Just to see if she bites.  I'm thanking Mr. Sid for that bit of advice.  And the good Lord above!!

This is all so exciting.  I'm not as excited about the being a home owner (although I am LOVING the house) as I am the fact that we are going to be living within walking distance of the church, the park, the library, Amigo's preschool, downtown!!  When I say walking distance I mean all of this stuff is like 2 minutes away on foot.  VERY CLOSE!!!  We're going to use the house as an outreach to the community.  We're going to start weekly bible studies and youth events!!  ***smile***  Our house theme is "you need a place to sleep, eat, sit and talk? The door is always open. "  Something to that exstint. 

Ok, enough about that.  I must go eat lunch before little chica wakes up.  Adios!!  


Friday, October 24, 2008

quite times are to prepare us for the not so quite times

Today has been somewhat of a crazy day.  Preacher Man's days off are Friday and Saturday so it was suppose to be a relaxing day for all of us.  Ummmm yeah right.  With two kids everyday is a work day.

I got up at 7:30 because I wanted a little time to eat my breakfast and do my daily reading in peace before all hell broke loss. Amigo went to bed at 11pm lastnight because we went to songfest practice and walked around campus looking at the benches.  I knew that when he got up he was not going to be a happy little man.

It was so peaceful being able to sit alone while the sun was coming up.  Just me, exodus and my oatmeal. I know. I bet you're trying to figure out who or what exodus is.  I have decided, after much thought, to read the Bible through.  I'm so tired of people (preachers, teachers, parents) jamming their theology down my throat.  Yes, I minored in religion in college and grew up on the stories of Adam, Eve, Moses, Abraham, Jacob, Job, Paul, Jesus......   But a part of me, a big part, just wants to sit back and read the stories for their literary value .  I don't want to have a commentary to tell me this or that or a preacher that's going to take a verse out of context.  I want to see the story play out in my head like a movie while I read. I JUST WANT TO READ.  I have found that this type of reading of the text is so moving.  They're beautiful stories.

At about 8am Amigo came running through the house yelling "Amigo's up!"  My heart sank.  I was having such a wonderful alone time.  But them he ran up and gave me the biggest good morning hug and kiss I through the Holy word to the side and decided that the whole family should have snuggle time in the bed.  Even little chica joined in on the fun!!

The morning went on and all was well in the Preacher Man's house until about 9:30 when Amigo asked to get the Legos out.  I walked into his closet to get the sacred Lego box when I discovered the carpet was soaking wet.  When I stepped down on the carpet a jet of water squirted up between my toes. My immediate thought was "Man, my socks are all wet now."  Then, after changing my socks and putting them in the hamper, the thought crossed my mind "my floor is soaking wet."  I ran to the bathroom that is beside Amigo's room and sure enough the toilet was running all over the place.  
Let, me explain. The toilet has been clogged for a good month.  We hadn't called the maintenance guy because, well, we hate asking people to do stuff for us even if it is their job.  I always feel bad.  Especially for a "simple" clogged toilet.  So I guess the toilet got tired of just sitting there not being used and threw up.  ALL OVER THE PLACE.
The rest of the morning and a good portion of the afternoon was dedicated to cleaning up the mess.  It was great fun.  At least Amigo thought it was.  Bob the Builder came to his house to fix his toilet and clean his room!!!  I was super mom in his eyes.  "Wow, my mom called Bob the Builder and he came to MY house!"

To make things better we (Amigo and I) snuggled up on the couch to watch a movie about Beatrix Potter and later read three of her lovely stories!!  There's nothing like sharing a story with your child on a rainy day after cleaning up poo water all morning!!   

The van and hose cleaning the poo water up

The fan trying to dry up the carpet

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

houses & pumpkins

The past couple of days have been FANTASTIC!!!  Monday Amigo and I decided to have a picnic for lunch on our back porch. As we were sitting out there I couldn't help but think how beautiful it was.  So, I decided that we HAD to go to the Orchard and get pumpkins. 

It was so beautiful at the orchard. Hardly anyone was there!!!  I hate going places when they are packed full of people because it takes the whole "trying to relax" thing away. We got a wagon full of pumpkins; some to carve and some to attempt to make a pie. Then we played on the slides, hay and tractors and went running through the corn field.   Little Chica had a blast as well.   She laughed and laughed at how funny Paul and I were.  She's pretty easy going.  She likes to sit back and watch here family act a fool. 

Rachel came over in the afternoon for dinner and pumpkin carving!!  We had a lot of fun being kids with kids. Amigo wouldn't put his hands in the pumpkin.  He said "i don't want to get my hand all nasty."

Today we found out that we have been approved for a 30 year fixed loan at an interest rate of 5.75!!  Also, the realtor for the house we want VERY BADLY called and said the owner was nervous about the winter months coming up and is willing to negotiate!!  I let her know that we had all the paperwork together and that we are going to meet with our realtor tomorrow to make an offer.  So, we're making an offer tomorrow!!!!  HOW EXCITING!!!!   She is asking 109,900 for the house but our first offer will be 90,000.  I doubt she'll accept but we'll see what her counter offer will be.  Either way, we're going to try and get her to come down on her price significantly.  She's been out of the house for almost a year and she lives in another state.  The house is move in ready (refinished hardwood, new windows, fresh paint....) I plan on being in there before christmas maybe even before thanksgiving!!  Hey, we could have everyone over for dinner!!!  Either way. I pray it all works out.  We're trying to take this whole process slowly so we don't get stressed and we'll enjoy the whole home buying process.  So far, since we decided to sit back and enjoy the house buying process, it has been AWESOME!!!  We came to the conclusion that if God wants us in this house he will provide a way.  We're justing doing things one step at a time!!  The next step is an offer!!!  YAAAAY!!!!


Sunday, October 19, 2008

searching & discovering

These past 9 months have been the most life changing. I was put on bedrest with Anna and life as I new it changed. I had a massive amount of time to sit alone in a hospital reading and thinking about life. I found myself! I began to see my true purpose in life. The key word being true.  And it's simple.  My true purpose in life is to love. To not only love those who it is easy to love but to love those who I have no reason to love. I am beginning to see the world in a whole new light. I'm not out to change or save it one person at a time. I'm just here doing what God has called me to do......LOVE.

I was raised to fear everything. I was raised that people are always out to get you and take your stuff. I was raised that stuff (money, a nice car, a nice house, nice clothes) was the most important thing in life. And the pursuit of the stuff ( the job) had no other purpose than to get more stuff. In other words I was raised to work my butt off in a job that I might not like in order to get stuff to show people how hard of a worker I am and to rub it in their face that I was not in poverty because I worked HARD. 

Slowly, throughout college, I began to question this outlook on life. I took the first step when I decided to major in psychology. Next came the opportunity to work at a State Psychiatric Hospital. While there I learnt the true power if love. Love is truly transforming!

Being put on bedrest was a blessing in the form of despair. It forced me to slow down. I was going through life without really living. It gave me the opportunity to literally sit back and look at what I was doing and what I should be doing. I decided that staying home to raise my children to be respectable and loving people was going to be my number one priority. 

The past five months of the fulltime job of "stay at home mom" have been challenging, rewarding and eye opening. I feel that I am growing right along side my kids. I am finding myself as they are discovering this wonderful place called earth. 

I've been thinking a lot about becoming a therapist. However, I feel a great need to incorporate spirituality into the therapy. As a person of faith who has suffered from depression and anxiety I have experienced first hand how important it is to go to a faith based clinic to seek help. I began to feel even stronger about this point while reading a book by the late M. Scott Peck entitled "Further Along the Road Less TRaveled."

So, I have heard the call, fought with the call, turned away from the call only to in the end accept the call. I'm going to seminary to major in Pastoral Care and Counseling. I feel a deep yearning, that I can't really explain, to work with a faith based shelter. I have found that oftentimes those suffering the most cannot afford the cost of a therapy session. I want to help. I want to be that person they can go to for guidance without having to worry about the cost. 

I have wrestled with this decision a lot the past couple of months. A part of me wants to go to an awesome grad school and become the best psychology professor EVER. But a bigger part of me knows that that is not what I have been commissioned to do. 

I know it is something that is said over and over but I am going to say it again; "each of us has been blessed with a gift."  God blessed each of us with a gift (talent, passion) in order that we may use it to be a blessing to others.