Tuesday was a very emotional day for me.

While I was making the kids breakfast I heard a big SNAP come from Anna's room. "Roger did you hear that big snap?" A few seconds later Paul stuck his head out the door "umm mom, that big snap you heard, well, umm, I just broke Anna's baby crib."   

My heart sank.

Paul was attempting to climb into the baby crib for some reason unknown to me. As he was pulling him self up on the side the bar snapped in two.  

At first I thought "no big deal right. we'll just wood clue that sucker back."  But on further examination we found that a massive screw was missing and several of the bars were on the verge of coming out of their slots. 

It was clearly no longer safe for any child to sleep in.

That morning while in the shower I had a mini break down. Massive tears began to fall and no matter of sucking it up stopped them. I claimed that I was grieving the lose of the precious baby bed. The baby bed that Roger's grandfather fixed up for us when we told him that we were pregnant with our first baby, his first great grandchild. But in truth, I was grieving the lose of the baby stage. 

When Anna found out that her baby crib was broken she too let massive crocodile tears fall. I held her close and cried with her.  Then Paul heard all the commotion and joined in. They cried for the bed while I cried that they were growing up so fast.  "how in the world can they be turning 6 and 3?"

Then this darn song stuck in my head all day long which caused even more tears

I know what you are thinking "give me a break Jess. It's not like they are headed to college or getting married off." 

I understand that. 

But understand me. 

For the past 6 years I have been a stay at home mommy. Every single day I have spent caring for and nurturing two small children. Because caring for two small children so close in age is incredibly demanding of your time, over the years my life has completely shifted to revolve around them. It is weird for me to all of a sudden have time to think about something other than my children. It's weird to not have to be right by their side every second of the day. I sometimes find myself thinking in those quiet times when Paul and Anna are playing so nicely together "does any one need me to do anything for them? anyone at all?"

I have reached, in a sense, that stage of parenthood where I am required to step back and give them a little space to learn and grow. It has been a big adjustment for me. 

It has forced me to reevaluate my sense of self. Who am I?  besides a mother and a wife. WHO AM I?

This is the point where I am going to admit that I am VERY happy that I opted to give seminary a break until the kids get older and Roger graduates with his M.Div.  Although I am sad that next year Paul starts kindergarten and then in 2 years little baby Anna starts, I am excited that another chapter in my life will start.  I'll still be the stay at home mommy but I'll be the stay at home mommy that goes to seminary while you are in school!!  

Since seminary takes like 5 years, when I actually get my degree and start to work with my M.Div my children will be 11 and 14 years old.   And yet ANOTHER chapter starts.  

Chapters thus far include..... Chapter 1: married in college with a baby on the way

                                    Chapter 2: married in college WITH a tiny baby
                                 Chapter 3: married in college WITH a toddler

                               Chapter 4: 3 month hospital bedrest with anna

                                 Chapter 5: full time stay at home mother of two

Anyway, back to the baby crib breaking:

We ended up giving Paul our old full size mattress and Anna got Paul's old toddler bed. 

I didn't have the heart to throw the baby crib away "Maybe Amanda Hervey  can find something crafty to do with this beautiful bed!" so we put it in the garage just in case.

As we were carrying the baby crib out Roger stopped, looked at me and said "Are you ok?" I completely melted into yet another puddle of tears and snot "People our age are in that transition of either getting married or having their first baby. We are transitioning into our 7th year of marriage, toddler beds and kindergarten. I'm just really sad and feel all alone"

Anna and Paul were very excited to go to bed in their new beds. In fact, they went to bed pretty early that night and were super giddy while brushing their teeth.  

The next day, wednesday, I wasn't as emotional about the beds. In fact, I took the kids up to the church (a GREAT windy place on a hill) and flew a kite with them. As I watched Anna and Paul take turns running with the kite in their hands, giggling "the kite is following me mom!" I was at peace. 

We have made such a beautiful little family!

Here are some pictures to share:

taking down the crib

Anna in her new toddler sized bed

sleeping time

Anna helping Paul test out his new BIG boy bed

the big boy bed for Paul

Flying the kite the next day at church