On days like today I listen to this song! It always helps.
I left the doctor's office today in tears. Then I had a brilliant idea. They should have a therapist on staff for the extra emotional moms, like me, that tend to blame themselves any time their child is sick. I was told that Anna's ears are not getting any better. she has a LOT of fluid in her left ear and her right ear is really infected. This is after 2 months and three prescriptions of three different antibiotics. So, we are being sent to an Ear, Nose and Throat specialist to talk about our options.
I got in the car and felt the urge to sink into a ball and cry. I just needed to cry. One of those really snotty, screaming type of cries that you say "why" over and over again. I know in retrospect it isn't that big of a deal and kids have ear problems all the time but I just hate seeing my child suffer. I hate being up all night, knowing what is wrong, yet not knowing what to do. I feel so helpless. I also hate going to the doctor but it seems like between my heart condition and Anna's ear infections, I live at the clinic. I should count up the hours of my life that I have spent either sitting in a waiting room or hooked up to a monitor. It would be nutts. It is nutts!
Im exhausted. Something happened today that I have always feared would happen. It turned out alright though but took the breath out of me. I was sick this morning so I took some of the cold medicines that my family doctor gave me that I had left over from the last time I was sick. It just dries up your sinuses and makes you a bit drowsy. I got so tired I couldn't stand so I stretched out on the couch. Then I heard paul scream "Anna is breaking my stuff AAAHH." I jumped up way too fast, ran into the kitchen and blacked out. I fell flat on my back and the wind was knocked out of me. I think my blood pressure dropped because then I was too weak to even get up. I stayed flat on the floor, feeling dizzy, with Anna jumping on my stomach until I had to push myself to get up. I just had that "I give up. Let me die here" feeling of exhaustion.
So, to make myself feel better I rented Bridget Jones' Diary and ate pizza for dinner. Good thing Roger doesn't work tomorrow. I am physically exhausted. I don't think I can carry anna up and down the stairs or to the car any more this week. I want to stay in my bed with my new M. Scott Peck book, chocolate, and french fries. oh and maybe a milk shake to dip the fries in. I guess I better get out my stretchy pants. Ladies and Gents, I feel a junk food weekend coming.
Oh and on a more exciting note!! The library is celebrating winnie the Pooh's birthday on saturday with a big winnie the pooh party. I'm so excited. Isn't that horrible how excited I am. I hope to finish reading to paul this winnie the pooh book that our friend tyler is letting us borrow by then. Ah, the small joys in life!!! And I might just take a long walk in the rain tomorrow morning!! I LOVE rain walks!