Thursday, January 21, 2010

tut, tut it looks like rain

On days like today I listen to this song!  It always helps.

I left the doctor's office today in tears. Then I had a brilliant idea. They should have a therapist on staff for the extra emotional moms, like me, that tend to blame themselves any time their child is sick. I was told that Anna's ears are not getting any better. she has a LOT of fluid in her left ear and her right ear is really infected. This is after 2 months and three prescriptions of three different antibiotics. So, we are being sent to an Ear, Nose and Throat specialist to talk about our options. 

I got in the car and felt the urge to sink into a ball and cry. I just needed to cry. One of those really snotty, screaming type of cries that you say "why" over and over again. I know in retrospect it isn't that big of a deal and kids have ear problems all the time but I just hate seeing my child suffer. I hate being up all night, knowing what is wrong, yet not knowing what to do. I feel so helpless. I also hate going to the doctor but it seems like between my heart condition and Anna's ear infections, I live at the clinic. I should count up the hours of my life that I have spent either sitting in a waiting room or hooked up to a monitor. It would be nutts. It is nutts! 

Im exhausted. Something happened today that I have always feared would happen. It turned out alright though but took the breath out of me. I was sick this morning so I took some of the cold medicines that my family doctor gave me that I had left over from the last time I was sick.  It just dries up your sinuses and makes you a bit drowsy.  I got so tired I couldn't stand so I stretched out on the couch.  Then I heard paul scream "Anna is breaking my stuff AAAHH."  I jumped up way too fast, ran into the kitchen and blacked out. I fell flat on my back and the wind was knocked out of me. I think my blood pressure dropped because then I was too weak to even get up.  I stayed flat on the floor, feeling dizzy, with Anna jumping on my stomach until I had to push myself to get up.  I just had that "I give up. Let me die here" feeling of exhaustion. 

So, to make myself feel better I rented Bridget Jones' Diary  and ate pizza for dinner. Good thing Roger doesn't work tomorrow. I am physically exhausted. I don't think I can carry anna up and down the stairs or to the car any more this week.  I want to stay in my bed with my new M. Scott Peck book, chocolate, and french fries. oh and maybe a milk shake to dip the fries in.  I guess I better get out my stretchy pants. Ladies and Gents, I feel a junk food weekend coming.

Oh and on a more exciting note!!  The library is celebrating winnie the Pooh's birthday on saturday with a big winnie the pooh party.  I'm so excited.  Isn't that horrible how excited I am.  I hope to finish reading to paul this winnie the pooh book that our friend tyler is letting us borrow by then.  Ah, the small joys in life!!!  And I might just take a long walk in the rain tomorrow morning!!  I LOVE rain walks!

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