Monday, January 18, 2010

marriage and kids

We sent the kids to their Nanna and Pop's house this weekend!!  I love doing that.  It is a win-win for everyone involved. The kids get to spend a whole weekend with their grandparents and Roger and I get to spend a whole weekend being kids.  It is GREAT!

When we first started sending the kids away on the weekends I had immense guilt. I don't want people to think that our children are a burden to us. That we are "getting rid" of them for the weekend. No, we are sending them to their grandparents house for the well being of our family. They need to have that time with their grandparents and Roger and I need that time to reconnect. 

Staying married is one thing. "YAY, you've dealt with each other for 25 years. congratulations"  But I don't want just that. I don't want to live in the same house with someone that I never get to talk to, someone that I have grown apart from.  My marriage is very important to me. Keeping my little family together is my top priority. That's why we send the kids away. We need that time together about once every other month to reconnect, to be alone together, to talk, to giggle, to remember why we decided to jump into the ocean of marriage.  

I feel that people with children see the act of child rearing as the main purpose within the marriage. They forget about their relationship. They begin to see the time it takes to work on their marital relationship(date nights) as selfish.  Instead they focus all their time and energy towards the children and have very little, if any, energy to focus on their relationship. They become strangers sharing a house. housemates!!  Sometimes even enemies "I hate you" and competitors "i do more around here than you."

I wish more people would see that taking care of the relationship with your spouse is the least selfish thing you can do. In fact, not taking care your relationship is selfish. Keeping that marriage alive and passionate is the greatest gift you can give your children. They learn many things from their parents. How to talk, how to treat people, what to eat and what a marriage should look like. 

Relationships are work. We've heard that many times. But they are. Just because you live with a person doesn't mean that you know them. Get to know your spouse. If you have kids, schedule time together. A whole weekend works great for us!! Then promise not to talk about the kids.  There are other things that you have in common besides the kids.  Positive communication is crucial in a relationship. Try to have more positive interactions with your spouse than negative. Leave notes, make a random "I love you" call.

Anyway, the kids are back now, Roger's at the library studying and I need to head off to my stroller fit class!!!  YAY!!  I feel so refreshed and ready to take on the nonstop week that is ahead of me

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