Wednesday, January 27, 2010

I want my mom

I'm getting to the point where I understand no one cares but I still need to type it out and pretend that someone out there in the internet world gives a rip about the things that I am wrestling with.  Most of my time is spent bent over picking something or someone up, cleaning or doing homework. There are times when I go weeks without talking to a grown up.We try to get together with friends but I am slowly finding out that childless people enjoy going out instead of staying in with the not to fun old married couple with kids. (all smiles) So, I talk to the computer as if it were a good friend. Someday I am going to print all of these posts out, bind them into a book and give it to my children on my death bed. Yep, a keep sake of their good ol' mamma!

Life in the house has been a bit edgy the past couple of months. There are so many decisions to make yet we have no power in the decision making. I feel like we are floating around in hot air balloon praying to land safely somewhere.  But I feel like we will just be in the hot air balloon forever and i'm fine with that too. I just want to know what is going to happen. Are we landing or are we going to continue to float? Because I would like to watch a little tv 

Going through moments (or months) like this is so nerve racking. You're sad, excited, nervous, anxious, happy, and mad all day long. I hate living like this. I try to put all the decision making in the back of my head, live each day as normal as possible and keep on with the praying but let's be honest, it is easier to give advise than to take it.  The worst part of this whole situation is that I feel so alone in it. I have two mamma friends that I have been able to share my concerns with and whom understand what it is like to be in this limbo state of life. That has helped. It's always nice to hear other people's stories of life. Especially when they have a good ending. We all have to endure changes, it's just some of us handle them more gracefully than others.  I am not graceful. I worry a lot when it comes to change.  It takes a bit for me to adjust. I cling to familiar things, people and routines. When any of the three change I get a bit anxious. 

I just got off the phone with poison control. While I was typing this Anna was apparently eating a whole bottle of 200 homeopathic teething pills. YAY that it was homeopathic. The woman on the phone said she would probably be very hyper since they have coffee and sugar in them but she would be fine.  Great.  A hyper Anna is just fantastic!!  totally kidding.

Anyway, I have a doctor's appointment in 20 mins that I have to take the kids to. It's for me but roger had to work during lunch ( I set it up at lunch so I wouldn't have to take the kids) so I guess I'm going to be wrangling the kids into a doctors office and letting them watch me get a shot in the rump.  SOunds like a fun little afternoon! I want my mom. :(

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