Monday, June 22, 2009

pity party

Im feeling absolutely exhausted and on the verge of tears. I can not manage to sleep at night.  I am sure I am in fact asleep but I wake up feeling like I haven't slept at all.  It is really concerning so I did what any good heart patient does. I rushed out and bought some herbal sleepy time tea.  Enjoyed a wonderful glass of it with honey last night and woke up feeling, well, feeling still like utter crap. Totally wiped out. Maybe I am depressed or something. I know lack of energy and body aches are symptoms and add to that the fact that most days I am near tears at some point. Or maybe it's just being a stay at home mom with no family or friends near by.  That could do it.  

Ok, let's blame it on being stationed in a town full of people I don't really know who seem to be too busy for ANYTHING.  I swear, do these people shower.  They seem to be on the go so much that I fear for their hygiene. When would they shower.  It is AMAZING how busy kids are these days. Holy Crap. I am making a vow right now not to let Paul and Anna get in involved in too many activities. My goal is to raise laid back, community centered people. People who have time to get to know their neighbors. I cherish the times we would play for hours at mammal and papal's house while our parents and neighbors sat on the porch drinking coffee, enjoying a smoke and a good conversation.  Does that not exist any more??  Maybe just not here??  What happened to the days you could just stop in to see someone have a random conversation and not worry about bothering them or messing with their schedule. This is where I want to mention that we have an open door policy at our house.  If the lights are on and we are home then anyone is welcome. The house might not be clean, the kids might be a little nuts and we might me exhausted but we will be grateful to have you over just to hang out and talk.  Or hang out if talking is not your thing. Hey, we can sit outside and listen to the birds together and make fun of ourselves for doing so.

I think what we all forget is that people aren't going to stop by at the BEST moment. There's never going to be that RIGHT TIME to get to know people on a deeper level. You're not going to ALWAYS be in a "meeting people" mood. But that's where grace and love comes in. That's when you lean on the One and remember that Jesus was all about hanging out with people, eating, drinking and having intense conversations. Just think about it. He probably wasn't always in the BEST possible situation for meeting people. Heck, he was at a friends house when  a hole appeared in the roof and a man was lowered in. I imagine he was a bit surprised, a little angry and a little bit like "oh man this is totally a bad time."  But he took time for the guy and healed him.  

So, all I am saying is take a little time for people even when you feel like utter crap because maybe that person feels even crappier than you do.  And that little bit of attention has the potential to make their day less crappier. 

You know, we are a society built on individualism but in all truth we NEED each other.  Just look at how busy ever one has made themselves. Joining the YMCA, the country club, a baseball team, a sewing circle, a church something or other......... the list goes on.  Because people need to be around people. But somehow we have lost that genuine sense of community. We may be members of the same country club, the same church, the same YMCA, the same sewing circle, the same baseball team, but do we really know one another. Would we feel comfortable about stopping by their house for an afternoon chat? Do we know their inner struggles and strive to help them through such pain? Can we truly rejoice when happiness enters their lives? Or are they just people that we have placed into specific categories of our lives. People that we NEVER mix and that we put on certain faces while amongst.

Moving to a knew town, away from friends and family has been a learning experience. I have been forced to think through and act on the above mentioned things.  Getting to know your neighbors is hard, but I must admit it is a LOT easier when you live downtown and no one has a garage door or a PRIVACY fence. Still, taking that first step to walk across the street to say high is a bit frightening when you have been raised to respect personal space.  Slowly we are getting to know our neighbors and start up genuine relationships but we are still struggling with the church Roger works at. It is nearly impossible to have a relationship with someone that you only see maybe every other week and during that time really don't get the opportunity to talk to.  Anyway, we'll still work on trying to do that. 

But back to the pity party. I feel so lonely. I miss being surrounded by people that I new and had genuine relationships with. Starting a relationship is hard work and often times a bit lonely and discouraging.  Ok, pity party over.  Now on to better things.  FACEBOOK!!!!      

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