have I mentioned.....

...how EXCITED I am RIGHT NOW!!!

I am so excited that I am like a giddy little school girl.

I'm jumping around, dancing, and of course typing out this blog.

As I type this, Roger is dropping the kids off with his mom. 

WE ARE GOING ON A DATE!!!

A REAL DATE!!!

A DAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!!

With two kids, work, seminary, two houses and all this car mess, I have been missing MY HUSBAND.

The past couple of weeks our dating has consisted of the occasional me attacking him or him attacking me with a massive amount of hugs and kisses as we walk past one another in the hall.

Take this for example. 

This morning Roger mowed the grass and cleaned out the gutters while i fed and bathed the children and got them packed to go to their nanna's.  As Roger was about to walk out the door to mow the grass in his old jeans with a hole in the knee, a brown long sleeve tshirt and massive brown hiking boots I said "Oh you are HOT" and planted a big one right on his lips. He smiled really big and said "Jess, just because I didn't feel the need to play redneck when I was a child doesn't mean I wont do the things I need to do to maintain a home."   I fell over laughing about my hippie husband in his HOT redneck attire!  

Seriously, he was smoking HOT this morning!!!

When Roger gets back we are headed into the the city to have dinner together and EXPLORE until the Phil Wickham concert at 7pm.  

****jump***jump****

BIG SMILE

our exploring usually takes place in and out of coffee shops, books stores and hole in the wall boutiques.

We have a BLAST sipping coffee, reading interesting lines from books, and finding the strangest little crafts that people make.

I'm looking forward to having a whole day of just US. 

When we go on these dates we both tend to slip back into the high school Jessica and Roger. 

Which means, we laugh THE WHOLE TIME,  make really lame jokes and can't manage to keep our hands off of one another.

Welp, the house is clean, the gutters are clean, the yard has been mowed, the lettuce has been checked on, the kids are with their nanna and the beautiful SUN IS OUT!!!!!!!!!

I AM SOOOOO EXCITED!

This is Phil Wickham singing one of my favorite prayer songs.

And another that I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE

Cupcakes, Fake Purls and Cheap Black Tea

This cheap black tea is just not doing it for me. I am dragging BIG TIME this morning. 

I feel like my eyeballs are getting sucked into my head.

Last night there was storm after storm. 

have a mentioned that there has been storms for over a week straight?

Big storms. Monster Storms. Rip your roof off STORMS

TORNADOES.

Golf ball size hail.

I didn't really get to sleep until a little after 4am. 

It was a combination of the tornado and the chocolate cupcake I devoured RIGHT BEFORE BED.

Why did I do that?

I have REALLY bad anxiety issues so I have to monitor what I eat, how much sleep I get, making sure I get enough exercise, in order to keep from having an attack.

With that said.

The combination of the tornado, the chocolate cupcake and the storm KEPT ME UP ALL night fighting my demons of anxious tension.

When I get like that I worry about EVERYTHING.

oh no... that tree could fall on the house.

oh no..... the gutters are over flowing which means WATER DAMAGE

oh no.... did I lock the front door

Did I just hear a tornado siren?

Is Paul ok?

did I just hear Anna scream?

I think I need to pee.... do I need to pee or do I not need to pee? I might as well go pee.

I could not shut my brain off.

Yesterday evening was so relaxing, 

I went to the gym. Ran 3 miles. Lifted weights. 

After dinner we opened  all the windows and the front door. Roger and I relaxed on the couch, enjoying the cool spring breeze, the sunshine and the laughter of children running on the porch.

Sirens started going off "you have got to be kidding me."

At 8:15pm we didn't head for the bathroom to get the kids ready for bed, instead we headed to the basement. 

The dark, damp, scary basement, where the cave crickets and spiders like to chill out.

We sat on a small area rug placed under the stairs. The kids were tired and very slap happy, which resulted in lots of annoying little kid arguments between a 2 year old and 5 year old.  At one point Roger even chimed in with annoyance "would you two just let your mother and I sit in peace PLEASE."

I tried to entertain the kids by singing songs they could sing along with, but they would have nothing to do with THAT idea. Then I tried to get them to put a puzzle together and my idea was once again shot down. Apparently they enjoyed FIGHTING.  Who knew!?!?

The warning lasted until 9:30pm.

We emerged from the depths of our house with aching backs, heads and two VERY disappointed kids "hey, I thought we were going to sleep down there?"

Seriously?  They wanted to SLEEP down there with all those cave crickets?

Once the kids were in bed I treated myself to a cupcake.

Probably shouldn't have done that.

I tossed and turned all night long.

I am exhausted today.

On a happy note.... Roger and I are going on a DATE tomorrow!

The kids are going to their Nanna and Pop's house for the weekend!

Roger and I are going to a concert and dinner on Thursday night in the city!  It is going to be a small intimate concert with my FAVORITE artist, Phil Wickham. 

Then on Friday our church (Living Faith Baptist Fellowship), which Roger is the minister at, is being recognized as CHURCH OF THE YEAR at the Baptist Seminary of Kentucky banquet. 

So we are going to that!

Should be a nice get away!

On a sadder note..... the storms are back today and I ate ANOTHER chocolate cupcake.

I couldn't stop myself.

I saw the storm and was like "CRAP" so I grabbed ANOTHER cupcake.

The kids are in a crabby mood today too.

I put my great grandma Ensminger's old fake purls on to make myself feel a bit better. I had a professor tell me " Dress the way you want to feel!"

I feel more like a little girl playing dress up with her dolls than a REAL LIVE VERY AWAKE mother.

Cupcakes, Fake Purls and Cheap Black Tea

how crazy can I be?

Random  side note:
My neighbor, Jamie, who writes a column in The Wednesday's Woman section of the newspaper, wrote a beautiful article about being the parent of two small children. Check the article out by clicking here.
It is a prefect example of what it is like juggling two small children.

It made my morning so much better after reading it!

On Days like today....

I feel like CRAP. 

 I look HIDEOUS.  

No, seriously. If my mom were here she would say "jessica, do something with yourself. You look awful."

She has said that to me before. 

 I showered, threw some old jeans on (got them in high school they now have a hole in the knee), an old tshirt from college, and let my hair drip dry until it drove me crazy and I was forced to throw it up into an awkward pony tail. 

The kids aren't feeling well which means they are REALLY whinny and tearing up at any little thing.

It is raining outside and has been that way for a WHOLE WEEK.

I'm about to clean up after lunch and take the kids to the library.

Am I going to change clothes?  Try to make myself look less like the raggin muffin that I am?

NOPE

There comes a time when a woman needs to stop thinking about her looks and focus her energies on raising her children.  This time comes at the moment of conception.  A child needs a role model, not a supermodel.  ~Astrid Alauda, on the "hot mom" trend

HA HA HA!!

Like that one?

Now, I am going to focus on getting this kitchen straightened up and these kids loaded up in the car to go to the library! 

LIBRARY!!!! 

I might not be the HOT MOM but I sure am the mom that cuddles up with her kids, every day, to read MASSIVE amounts of books!

Target

I know I'm not the ONLY one that finds this video hilarious.  I am notorious for finding myself in the most awkward conversations with complete strangers.  Honestly, it makes life more interesting!



And man oh man this next clip had me rolling.


Now this next clip is my ALL TIME favorite.  When Roger and I were younger we went to a summer school in Hindman Kentucky for dyslexic children.  The entire campus was sugar free.  There really were kids there that turned into little monsters if you gave them sugar. I may or my not be one of them. :)

WHAT IF.....

I feel like I am having some PTSD from Roger hitting the deer last week on his way to school.

The drive is about  2 hours from home to school.... one way...... on the parkway.

There are dead deer ALL OVER the side of the road.

They just jump out of NO WHERE during this time of year.

This morning it is pouring the rain. It has been storming for several days now, and I do mean STORMING. It is CRAZY. The weather has been NUTs. We a have a swamp in our back yard and our poor lettuce garden is flooded (that can't be good).

Roger just left for class.
I'm terrified of him being in a car crash. So terrified that I can't sleep and I am sitting with the phone in my lap. My brain is on the what ifs.  

The problem is that a WHAT IF actually happened this time last week. He actually hit a deer on the way to class. A WHAT IF could happen this week. He could hit a big bunch of water and hydroplane or someone else could hydroplane and hit him. 

Ya see, I am going crazy. I think I am losing my mind on the WHAT IFS.

I'm so excited about the semester being over!

now, will I attempt to go back to sleep with the phone in my hand?
I think I'll give it a try.
Typing this all out has helped chill me and open my eyes to how ridiculous I am.
I'm a fruit cake.
But, I'd like to think that I am one of those yummy bourbon soaked fruit cakes that the Monks make!
**** SMILE*****

PawPaw's Tractor

On the day PawPaw passed away we all gathered at mawmaw and pawpaw's house.

It was so surreal. 

 Walking into the house with all of his stuff placed exactly where he left it.  Even his pipe, with his ashes sat beside his chair, in his room that over looked the farm.  

Mawmaw asked me to get the keys from Pawpaw's truck. I remember climbing into the truck thinking "this isn't real. This is some sick joke they are playing on me. This is a dream."  I sat in the truck, smelling his smell, looking at all of his stuff.

When I finally found the keys and started to head back into the house, I heard the tractor. I looked over on the farm to see Pawpaw's big green john deer rolling up and down the field.

"THERE HE IS!"  

My heart started to pound.

Then it sank.

"it's not him."

When the farmer dies the farm still has to be worked. 

Mawmaw had hired someone to come help with the farm.

Tomorrow, Thursday April 21, 2011, my Pawpaw's big green tractor goes up for auction, along with all of his other farm equipment.

I feel like someone is pouring vinegar in my wound that was just starting to heal.

He died a little over 3 years ago. 

It was sudden. 

One minute he was there and the next he was gone. 

No warning.  

Mom called to tell me that Pawpaw had went to the hospital but that he was fine and not to bother coming down. 

The next call I got was "Jessica, you're Pawpaw didn't make it."  

I wasn't there.  My Pawpaw died and I wasn't there.

I wasn't there.

I wasn't there.

I have found comfort in being surround by his stuff. I remember walking into Mawmaw's house and being so upset that she had cleaned out his closet, cleaned up his pipe, his glasses, his spilt tobacco ashes.

Now his stuff is being sold at action. Not just his stuff but his farm stuff. The stuff he used to work the farm that he worked SO HARD to get.  

A part of me wants to go to the auction. To say a farewell to all the STUFF.  

But I really don't think I could handle watching it go.  It is like someone is ripping a vital organ from my body.   I would make a foul of myself.

I'm making a foul of myself just typing this.

A friend told me "Jess, a death like that is not something you just get over. It is something that you have to deal with every day."

Oh Deer!

Monday morning started out as any other Monday morning. 

Roger got up super early to leave for class.  I got up to see him out the door.  It is something I have ALWAYS done.  Any time he leaves I give him a big hug and kiss along with a "be careful.  VERY careful.  I love you! Call me when you get there."

I sometimes joke with him "if something happens to you I don't have a pay check and I'll have to move back in with my parents. You don't want that to happen do ya?  so, drive careful."  :)

I went back to bed.

I woke up shortly after and felt the need to pray for Roger. 

I fell back asleep.

The next time I awoke Paul was curled up next to my back and Anna was standing on the floor next to my bed, looking into my face "mommy I need some breakfast!"

"Ok.... I'm up! "

We gathered around the table, all a bit drowsy, munching on cereal and talking about the funny pages in the Sunday paper.   

The kids love for me to read them the funny pages even though they have no clue what is so funny about them.  They even do the fake kid laugh. 

I NEVER get funny pages either. 

The phone rang. It was Roger.

"hey! what are you doing?  Did you get my message?"

"No. I'm sorry I didn't get it. What is up?"

'well, I'm just sitting here at a Bp station surrounded with all of my earthly possessions. Enjoying some coffee. Can you come pick me up?"

He then went on to tell me that he was okay but that  he hit a deer on the way to class and that the car is a total loss.

I got off of the phone.  Told the kids to pray to God and thank Him for protecting their Daddy.

As soon as I finally got the kids loaded into the car Anna yelled out "We are ready to SAVE THE DAY!!!"  Paul chimed in "YEAH!!!!  Super Heros to the rescue. Let's go SAVE DADDY!"

I put on Tom Petty and took a deep breath.

An hour later we arrived at the Bp Station. 

We found a giddy Roger surrounded by all of his stuff. 

Roger was like "oh well. i hit a deer. I no longer have car" and decided to enjoy his morning by calling up a college friend that lived in the area that we haven't seen in a long time.  

Roger and Jeff had a good little catch up conversation while enjoying donuts and coffee.  

When Jeff had to leave Roger enjoyed a nice little documentary on the Tv about Stonehenge. 

On the car ride home we joked around about how we should find the deer and get the "Got my First deer!" classic photo shot. But once we found the deer it was obvious that we SHOULD NOT take a picture with it. 

The poor deer was cut in half.  :(

It could have been so much worse than it was.  I could have lost my husband instead of just a car.

As soon as we got home Roger passed out in the bed. His neck and back were starting to get sore and he was completely EXHAUSTED.  

I, on the other hand, started to clean. 

I swept, mopped, scrubbed two toilets and a bathtub.  Then I started organizing the kitchen.  

That is what I do when I get a bit stressed.  

I CLEAN!

Roger got up after I put the kids down for a nap and went into the church office for the rest of the afternoon to work on Holy Week planning.

Can you believe all this happened during one of his busiest times?  He is 3 weeks away from the end of the semester and smack dab in the middle of Holy Week planning.

YIKES.

Two lovely ladies from the church were kind enough to make us dinner so we didn't have to worry about that.  It was nice to not think "what are we going to eat tonight?"  Plus, Madge brought over some YUMMY cupcakes that her friend had made.  THEY WERE SOOOOOOO GOOOOD!

i closed my eyes while I ate the cupcakes!!!!  They were THAT good!

Oh, and Paul's first soccer practice was yesterday afternoon at 6pm so it was nice for Roger to be there with me to watch little Paul at his first little soccer practice.  If it hadn't been for the deer Roger would have been in class and missed his sons first soccer practice!   

This morning the realization of me NOT HAVING A CAR has set in.  But in all honesty it should be fine.  

There are going to be days that I am completely stranded at home and I wont be able to just pack up to go on random adventures with the kids. But most of the time it should be fine.  

I'm VERy thankful that we live here with this big back yard and so close to downtown.

CAn you imagine if I was out in the middle of nowhere with no car?  

There are plenty of places that we can walk to living here!!  

We wont be able to get a second car for a while.  We are still trying to recover from from my new pacemaker, my appendix surgery, our water heater busting and taking out a loan on our second house.

It has been quite an interesting year for us.  

  :)  Boy oh Boy has it been an interesting year!