Things are pretty intense in our little family at the moment. The kids are super hyper, we are completely exhausted and life keeps spinning madly around us.
I feel like I live in a ball of anxious tension.
I have to force myself to take a couple deep breaths, grab some hot tea and try to calm my mind.
In such a small amount of time I have gotten a new pacemaker, had my appendix taken out, moved towns, bought a second home and put Paul in preschool all while taking a seminary class.
Honestly I just want to skip Christmas.
Not Christ Mass but like the whole commercial hoop la of the Holidays. I feel the need to escape to a monastery, sit quietly in the corner and meditate on life while chanting the psalms. I just might try to squeeze in some monk time before the new year. We aren't very far from the monastery now! Maybe I can sneak away!
I have been locked in my bedroom all day researching and typing my last 12 page paper for class.
Roger watched the crazy kids.
At one point I walked out of my study cave to find Roger trying to mop the kitchen while the kids decorated the living room with my pads, panty liners and tampons. I just took a deep breath, giggled and walked myself back to the study cave.
I have been a parent for 5 1/2 years now and all of those years I have been in school. College and Now seminary. I am tired of the juggling, the stress, the locking myself in my room all day while me kids stick their fingers through the opening yelling "mommy why wont you play with us?"
After this semester I am stopping the schooling extravaganza. I'm going to wait until Roger is finished doing his school extravaganza and then I'll go back. By that time the kids will both be in school and I'll have the day to study and take classes.
plus, my home is a GREAT lab for my future counseling career!
I LOVE going to school.
I LOVE writing papers and researching.
I LOVE LEARNING.
My family is so important to me and right now I just can't give both 100%. It stretches me too thin. I am frustrated when I can't study and I'm frustrated when I am studying and have to ignore the kids.
I can go back to school anytime. I can't go back in time and tend to my children.