Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Major Ramblings

I just finished reading a book that I would highly recommend.  Are you ready for this??  The book of Judges is INCREDIBLE.  Each story within left me going "What the Heck?"  I feel like I have been let down. Why didn't I hear about all those cool, and not so cool, stories growing up.  And why was the story of Samson so unlike the one I heard as a child.  And why did I never hear the story about Jephthah's daughter?  I mean, it is a horrible story, he asks God to give him victory in battle and promises that he will sacrifice the first person that comes out of his home to greet him when he returns from war. Poor Jephthah is heart broken when his only child, a daughter, comes from the house, on his return from victory in battle, dancing and  playing a tambourine.  I would have been like "Hey, get back in that house young child. I'll pretend I never saw ya."  But no. Jephthah is faithful to God and explains to his daughter the deal he had made with the Lord. She is shocked and asks for two months alone in the mountains with her friends to grieve that she will die a virgin, childless. I can only imagine that she went up on the mountain and got completely wasted with her friends. Laughing, Crying, Vomiting. You know, going through all the stages of denial.  Who knows. They don't write much about her in the story. Only that she understands her father's deal with the Lord and offers herself as a sacrifice.  Horrible. Powerful
It got me thinking about how God offered his only son as a sacrifice for us. How powerful it must have been back in the day to see or hear such a thing. Now days we are like "Wow, Christ being sacrificed on the cross is so awesome. It is so awesome that I am going to wear a cross around my neck"   I fear that we don't really understand the magnitude of such a thing. I mean, I have never personally had to sacrifice anyone or anything. So, I will be the first to admit it is hard for me to understand the magnitude. What is even more troubling to me is the lack of good friday participation and true celebration on Easter Sunday. I fear that more, so called, christians would show up to fight for the old law to be placed in a public building than to mourn and celebrate our amazing God sacrificing his son for US. 
But imagine if  you will, if you were a descendant of Jephthah.  It mentioned in Judges that after the death of his daughter the Israelite women would go out for four days every year to grieve over her death. Can you imagine being one of those women?  Can you imagine being told that God is going to, in the future, sacrifice his only child, a son? What a humbling thing. I would be in shock.  The story made me stop and think.  I thought I would share that with you.   Now, on to a confession. Anna has been taking her naps at a different time than Paul so by the time I get Paul to sleep Anna is just waking up and I am EXHAUSTED. The past couple of days I have been getting Anna's baby mattress out of her bed, putting it on the floor,shutting her bedroom door and laying on the mattress, in her room, sleeping while she plays. It is completely uncomfortable and  I have to be willing to get hit in the head every five seconds with a block or a finger up the nose. But it is totally worth being able to lay motionless, with my eyes closed for 20 to 30 min.
On a grieving note. Today is the 2nd anniversary of my grandfather's (Papal) death. I am doing pretty well.  I have no clue how the rest of my family is holding up, especially my grandmother (mamal).  I know she has been suffering quietly inside the past two years. My family seems to have problems with the whole grieving process. I however am a firm believer that you never "get over" a death of such a significant person in your life.  You must "deal with it" constantly.  Cry out loud. Scream. Talk about your grief with others who have lost someone close. The grieving process is a touchy subject, everyone goes through it differently, but I know we all go through it. To hide the process is more harmful than the actual process. To hell with the "I'm strong." statement. That is not healthy. I am weak during this process and reach out to people for comfort. I rely on their strength during these times. 

Ok, the kids are up. Roger is home and I need some caffeine.  The early afternoon is always the hardest part of the day. I heard an author describe it as the noon day demon. It makes you feel like all you have done before that time is worthless, that you are lazy for feeling so drained. And "how dare you take a nap." 

On a side note:  Roger and I got up early this morning!!  I ate breakfast, cleaned the house, took a shower, got dressed and helped Roger put the laundry away. All of this was accomplished before the kids got up. When they got up I fed them breakfast, took them to see a magic show at the library, made a quick trip to Kroger and then cleaned the bathroom.  Now I am EXHAUSTED.  But YAY the house is clean!!!    

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