Last night Roger and I were sitting on the couch after a long but fulfilling day, it was about 10:30pm, we had just finished binge watching a comedy show and were on the verge of heading to bed. Anna emerged from her room scratching her head and talking nonsense. I gave a little giggle, "she must be sleep walking," and carried her back to bed. About 5 minutes later she walked through the living room scratching her head with both hands and headed towards the bathroom. That's when my heart dropped. "Oh my gosh Roger, I think she might have head lice."
What you need to know about me is that I always jump to the worst possible scenario. I figure if I jump to the worst I will be prepared. For example, if someone comes knocking on our door at 11pm at night, unexpected, when I open the door I ask "who died." I guess it comes with being a pastors wife, it seems as if any unexpected phone call or house visit consists of a complaint or some tragic life/death thing. It comes with the territory I guess.
So, back to the head lice. Roger rolled his eyes at me, told me to calm down, and got a good laugh out of my insisting that Anna was in fact infested with head lice.
On her way back from the bathroom to her room I tackled her and began searching through her hair like a momma monkey.
I threw Anna in the bath and began washing her hair and yelling to Roger for help.
Convinced that I was a complete lunatic, Roger calmly walked into the bathroom rolling his eyes and doing his whole pastoral care thing that he does with crazy hysterical irrational people. Being one of THOSE people, he brought out his handy dandy smart phones and googled head lice. Yep, it was head lice. Roger started flipping out and yelling "call my mom. AAAHHHHH"
As I attempted to get Roger's mom on the phone he headed to the store to get a lice treatment kit. After several calls in which the answering machine picked up I switched my plan and started calling my mom. My brother answered the phone, "she's asleep. Is this an emergency?" "YESSSSSS!" Mom came to the phone. "Listen mom, no one is dead, but anna has head lice. WHAT DO I DO?" My breathing became shallow as she described all the tasks that one must undertake to rid the house of the dreaded head lice. It was at this point that I began to hate all the people who have parents that live close, ours live 2hrs away. Aren't the grandparents suppose to come over and help with this kind of stuff?
When Roger got home we had a brief team meeting. "ok, we can do this. lets do this." We sat for over an hour on the floor in front of the tv plucking lice out of Anna's hair with the lice brush. We washed bed clothes and clothes, we vacuumed everything, we bagged up stuff we couldn't wash and took it out, and we ate cupcakes. Because that's what you do when life gets nutts, you eat cupcakes and 3am."hey Rog, you know those God hates fags people? We should call them and let them know that God doesn't hate fags, he hates us."
So far today Anna seems to be lice free. It says on the box to keep checking her and to possibly do the treatment over again in a week. "Please Lord let them be gone forever."
I have no clue where she got lice, but I do know it is a pretty common thing for kids to get. I was just hoping we would be lucky enough to never have to got through what we went through last night.
Naturally I dreamed of lice all night and checked Anna's hair first thing this morning. No Lice!
Parenthood, right when I think I got this gig down pat I'm kicked in the ass.