A Very Proud Mother

This morning around 10am I all of a sudden got VERY sick. 

Actually  it was 10:10am and I know that because I was in the middle of sipping some tea and writing in my journal. 

I had just finished writting the first line when the wave of nausea hit me.   

I ran to the bathroom.

You know that sick feeling that you get when you just start praying for death?

I had that sick feeling for 2 whole hours.

2 hours

It was horrible.

The main thing that was running through my mind was "how am I going to take care of the kids when I am this sick?"

Roger left this morning before the kids got up and he won't be back until past 10pm.

I was on my own.

As I was hugging the toilet, praying that I wouldn't pass out (I was feeling VERY faint) Anna, my little two year old Anna, walked up to me, started rubbing my cheek "Anna is here. Anna is here. Are you sick? Do you need to go to the doctor?"

I said "Oh Anna I am so sick.  I am just so so sick. Can you take care of me?"

I got up, walked into the room.  

Anna followed me.

As I was getting into the bed she came running up with the heat pad "thank you Anna."  

Then she crawled into bed with me and began rubbing my hair "it will be ok mommy. God will take care of you." 

She then held her little hands together and started to pray "Dear Lord make my mommy feel all better AMEN."

 I am so proud to have two wonderful children. I mean, seriously, that was super sweet what Anna did for me today. She comforted me in a time of need. She let me know that she was there with me, that she wasn't going to leave me and then she prayed for me. 

I felt as if I had my own personal chaplain!

Paul was wonderful too. He kept an eye on his sister and entertained her all day.

They both were absolutely incredible. 

All day.... ALL DAY.... they played together in the living room and in Anna's room.

ALL DAY

They even "read" books to each other!

I kept thinking "it is happening. It is finally happening. All the hard work I have put into teaching them how to care for one another, how to pray for one another, how to put others before themselves, is finally clicking in their little heads!"

Tonight after their baths I let them watch a few shows.  Paul announced "let's watch Dora first because Anna loves that show and I want to let her watch what she wants to watch first!"

Oh my gosh!  What a kind, considerate little person my Paul Calvin has become!

I love this little family that is forming before my eyes!

I am one very proud mother!

Where's the Love

As I walk around my neighborhood I am constantly reminded that we are in war. The sounds coming from Ft. Knox, when we first moved here, scared me. I kept looking around very confused until someone said "that is Ft. Knox.... they are practicing."  It sounds like a car crash.  I'll just be walking around minding my own business and BAAAAAAAMMM.  It has taken me a little while to get used to the sounds.

It is also taking me a while to get used to all of the army gear every where.  I have never lived in a town that it is a normal occurrence to see army vehicles everywhere and people in their army gear.  I feel like I am in a different world.

I have always loved this song..........




As I was walking around the neighborhood, feeling VERY safe and not fearing for my life, I couldn't help but feel blessed.  Blessed to be where I am.  Blessed to have never experienced the fear that some people experience on a daily basis

I don't understand war. I HATE it. I hate the thought of human beings killing one another. I am sickened by the thought of innocent little children being gunned down, tortured, burned alive.  I just don't get it. I can't wrap by mind around it.  I can't wrap my mind around people being trained to kill others.  I don't get it.

I'm so confused.

I'm thankful for the safe place that I get to live in. The safe place I get to raise my children in. But I am sickened when I think about what is going on around me to keep this home of ours safe.

I guess we all wish there was some other way?

Snow DAy

The last couple of blogs I have written in a kinda bad mood so now that I have stuffed myself full with homemade brownies, I thought I would type out a happy mood blog while I still have the sugar rush.

Today was pretty good. Paul's preschool was canceled so he was super excited "honey, you only go for 2 1/2 hours a day. I'm sad that it was canceled"  

The kids started getting on each others nerves around 10am so I decided to do bath time early. While Anna played in the bath with her dinosaurs, Paul played in the living room with his fire trucks. Yep, our living room has been made into a fire station. 

Who got Paul the REALLY loud fire truck for christmas? 

I am going to have to ask that you mail me some more Tylenol.

That thing is SUPER loud and he LOVES pushing the same button over and over and over again.

I can not form a thought when he is playing with that thing. All I can do is sit and stare into space.

I got anna out of the bath, dressed and sent her into the living room "Paul mommy says it is your turn to take a bath."

Paul boy always has the most interesting things to say while I wash his hair "oh yeah, this is so relaxing. I love getting my hair washed.  oh this feels so good! the water is so warm.  mmmmmm that shampoo smells sooooo good."

It cracks me up.

I especially love when he looks up, with a big smile on his face, as I am rinsing his hair, and says "you are the BEST mom in the world."

That is our thing now..... he says I am the best mom in the world and I respond with "you are the BEST son in the world."

After the baths I got lunch ready "mmmmmm MOMMY this is delicious!'  

I love that I have worked hard to teach my children good manners because they are, most of the time, praising me and giving me thanks.  I LOVE THAT and soooooo need it sometimes. :) 

As we were eating lunch I announced "who wants to play in the snow?"  At which point we went out to make two small little snowmen with stick arms, cranberry eyes and carrot noses. 

Anna thought is was SUPER hilarious to throw snow at me. She LOVED when I was over dramatic when a snow ball hit me "AAAHHHHH you got me, you got me"  as I fell back into the snow.

After their naps (and mine) I said "hey do you want to make brownies for our craft today?"  We all did a little brownie dance through the kitchen!!!   Paul was in charge of stirring and Anna did a GREAT job holding the salt! We made the book club brownie recipe from the Joy of Cooking. 

 "Mom you are really messy when you cook. you are getting stuff all over the place." -paul

We turned the oven light on and watched the brownies cook.  They both thought that was the most AWESOME thing in the world to watch them rise and bubble. 

I thought it was awesome that they thought it was awesome because I got to sit, in quiet house for a whole 25 min! 

When Roger got home I went for my 45 min stress relieving power walk. It was a bit interesting because there is ice and snow all over the side walks. I opted to walk on the side of the road, jumping into the snow when I car came by, instead of the sidewalk. "man alive I need a gym membership or to buy a tread mill.  This is nuts"

we had tacos for dinner, the kids ate REALLY well and then our brownies for dessert.  I totally had WAY TOO many brownies but whatever.  I felt I needed some after the tension I have been feeling :)

Now the kids are watching frosty the snow man in honor of their two little snow men outside "did they melt mom? I think our snow men are gone?"   "No, Anna, it is just dark and your little eyes can't see that far into the yard. They are right over there."   

Ps: our newspaper is somewhere under the snow. I guess I'll send Paul out on an adventure to find it!!!!

A Link

One of my cousins sent this link to me yesterday.  I REALLY needed it!   Yesterday was one of those days where I kinda felt like shouting out "leave me alone".  I love my job as mom, but sometimes I need a little bit of a break and sometimes I just don't get that break that I so need.  Just to be able to sit alone for 30 min without someone yelling "MOMMY I NEED YOU" or "hey, what are you looking at?" They follow me around all day long, going in and out of every room "hey look at this...... did I tell you this?"      

I get the whole blessing of being a mom and how I am going to look back one day and miss all of this..... that is why I am a stay-at-home mother. That is why I have dropped out of seminary until the kids get a bit older.  That is why I spend hours playing little kid games, hours of taking mini adventures around town and just about every evening watching Dora the Explorer snuggled in a blanker with two  little people who like to slobber on me.  

So I can enjoy this time as much as possible. 

 I get it.  

I get that in a blink of an eye all of this could be gone.... I think about death WAY TOO MUCH because, well, when you have a congenital  heart defect and a pacemaker you think about death a LOT and take every day as a mini miracle.  

In fact, it is a miracle that I even have children and a miracle that I have enough energy to care for them. I used to not be able to walk up the stairs before running out of breath.  I was purple ALL OVER...ALL OF THE TIME because I wasn't getting enough oxygen.

however, there are moments in my day that I need to vent a little frustration.  I tend to think that is pretty normal and pretty healthy. Keeping things inside eats away at you.  

Or should just only talk about the JOY of parenthood and let those who have hard days with their kids feel as if they are inferior to me? "Look at me. I am joyful all the time. Even when my children are driving me completely nuts. I just take an aspirin and continue on!" 

I can't do that.

I am too honest.

Sometimes I want to be selfish and announce "can I not just have like a second to brush my teeth?  seriously?  just like a second?"

In fact, I haven't even brushed my teeth this morning.

yuck

I know

I'm taking my teeth brushing time to type this.

 I can only still away so many seconds.

That is why I loved the link that my cousin sent me.  Take a little time to read it.  It really is such an up lifting thing to read on a gloomy, over worked, winter day. 

Well, I better get back to work. Anna is taking a bath and Paul is playing very loudly in the living room with his fire truck.  I know this moment of "silence" wont last forever.

ps: It cracks me up to see Anna (2 years old) dancing to this song! she loves it

  

Sharing

I heard this song this morning and it moved me to tears.

Anna noticed I was crying, ran up to me, started patting my back "mommy it'll be ok!" then got me a tissue.

Little did she know that I was crying about almost losing her when I was pregnant.

recap: 6 months into my pregnancy  I woke up in a puddle of blood. My placenta had abrupted.  After weeks on bed rest i was sent in for an emergency c-section. At which point I was told I should not have any more children.

I've just been through a LOT of stuff these past couple of years and haven't had time to process it all because life just continues even though you are caught in the moment.  Losing my pawpaw, almost losing a baby, being told that I can no longer have children, getting a new pacemaker, being unable to sell our first home and getting those horrible inflamed appendix taken out in the middle of it all has left me feeling....... heavy in the heart.  

Diggin' up groundhogs

ok, so the next couple of blogs are going to be special stories that I have from my childhood. Most of the stories will center around my pawpaw and the family farm because that is where I spent most of my days. .

here we go.....

The farm across the street was for sale. It had been sitting there for years not being cared for. The orginal family had all died off. Pawpaw heard that there was going to be an auction and was determined to buy the farm that we had all been staring at for years. The farm was directly across from mawmaw and pawpaw's house.  We would sit on the front porch to stare at the farm.  I remeber many days spent sitting in the tree in the front yard, day dreaming about how beautiful the farm would be if only someone would take care of it.

I went to the auction with pawpaw. I watched him sit there in his fold out chair that he always carried in the back of his truck, smoking on his pipe, and scatching his head under his blue Mid-State hat. I was nervous. Rumor was going around that someone might buy it and make a subdivision. I didn't want to see that beautiful farm turned into a subdivision.

where in the world would I ride my motorcycle if that happened?  

Pawpaw sat back very calmly in his chair and won the auction.  "yep yep good piece of land!"  he said when he had won.

My little self was SO EXCITED.   a farm!!!  a farm!!!  we have a farm!!!! Over 100 acres to explore.   

The first major task of the farm was getting rid of all the groundhogs. Because no one had taken care of the farm in years, the groundhogs had taken over.  Pawpaw opened the farm up, telling people that he would give them $50 for every groundhog that they killed.  That made for interesting days at mawmaw's..... a knock at the door would bring some dead nasty groundhog.   

There was one specific groundhog that no one could manage to shoot.  He was the sneaky one!

 Pawpaw was starting to get very aggravated with it and declared "then we will just dig it out." 

He sent my uncle Travis to get the backhoe and another uncle to get a shot gun. Us grandkids overheard the conversation and began screaming  "can we watch Pawpaw?  can we watch!"   At that time there was me and 3 boys. 

We sat in the back of the truck watching pawpaw directing the backhoe "Dig right over there Trav.  Yep right there...... oh there that damn thing is.........  Shoot it David...... shoot that damn thing (he spit on the ground).......you were too slow it got away....... (wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before putting in some more chew)

  Dig over there Trav.... right there...I SAID RIGHT THERE.(almost choking on his chew)  there that damn thing is .... shoot that damn thing David.  SHOOT NOW!"

As a child I thought "wow this is AWESOME!!"   I was watching my pawpaw dig up the farm to find and shoot a groundhog. It was very entertaining. 

They ended up getting the farm groundhog free.

Next came fixing the old barn.......

Article on Parenthood

I came across an article on parenthood and life changes that take place.

I thought I would share it with all the new and expectant parents out there.

I wish someone would have shared it with me.