Wednesday 14, 2009

First of all, it is FREEZING outside. I mean, it is "I don't want to go outside for fear that my nose will fall off" freezing outside. Anyway.

Today has been good so far. This morning I took Paul and Anna to story time at the local library. Paul was a little more involved this time around. Usually he just stands there and stares at the kids as they do the songs, dances and activities. You can tell he's really there to listen to the story and wants them to hurry up with the dances so he can listen to the book. Crazy, weird child that I have. :)

After story time there is usually a craft and today was not an exception. We got to make awesome little penguins out of a ruler so the next time it snows (will it ever) we can take it outside to measure how deep the snow is!!! how clever?!?!? Paul adores penguins so this activity was perfect for him.

Anna was feeling the lack of attention so she decided to show her ugly side but after cleaning up her vomit and feeding her, she rather enjoyed chewing on the puzzle pieces. all the other mothers looked at me in disgust for letting Anna chew on library puzzle pieces, but ya know, you do what you need to keep the peace.

We're at home now trying to eat lunch and get ready for N-A-P-T-I-M-E (nap time). Anna is already asleep and if I don't get Paul boy down in the next couple of minutes I am up a creek. I treasure the alone time when they are both napping. Unfortunatly I NEVER seem to get that.

River Of Earth

When I was little I attended a summer school for dyslexic children in Hindman Kentucky called the James Still Learning Center. Named after the well known Kentucky author, James Still. Over the summers my younger brother Jacob got to know and become friends with a kind, little old man that would come out of his log cabin and down the hill to the cafeteria to eat with us kids. His pockets were always packed full of different types of herbs. This old man would get a kick out of "spicing" up each child's dinner that sat down at his table. I never really talked to him much because I was an incredibly shy child, but I loved listening to the stories he would tell the select few that sat at the table with this strange little old man.

Over the years my brother Jacob continued to attend the summer school each year and later went back to be a counselor in the boys dorm. Slowly the identity of the little old man became known. It was James Still himself!! He ended up writing an Appalachian mother goose book and dedicating it to my brother. He even had one of the first copies sent to us. We also attended his birthday party on at least two occasions.

Even though I knew who he was I never really KNEW who he was. Being dyslexic I hated reading because it was so difficult. That was the reason for going to the summer school. Now that I'm older and better at the whole reading process, I can't stop myself from reading. I love it!! It is safe to say that I have a passion for reading! And if you know me, you know that I am obsessed with the author Wendell Berry. AMAZING!!! But for christmas my husband bought me the well know James Still book "River of Earth." It's so good!!

I can't help but think about how AWESOME it is that I went to a summer school for years to learn how to read, met a man that amazed me by his stories, later found out that that man was James Still and now I am sitting in my living room reading "River of Earth." How strange life is!

One summer our Dad decided to transfer his work (he's a state auditor) to Hindman so that we could all rent a house and stay together instead of me and my brother staying in the dorm. We rented a house on a hill near a log cabin. We had to park WAY down the hill and walk up a path that looked like a goat path through the woods. Each day after school we would wonder through the woods playing make believe. One day we came upon the log cabin that the mysteries old man, that we would later found out was James Still, lived. The door and all the windows were wide open. The wind blowing the curtains. We stepped in what seemed to be the living room. There were books EVERY WHERE. No bookshelves, just books laying stacked EVERYWHERE. We heard a noise, got scared and ran out.

Now here I am reading one of his books. I can't help but wish that during all those summers that I would have known exactly who he was. All the questions I would have asked! I know that we all have those what if moments and this is mine, "What if he was still alive and I was still little and I knew who he was?"

So, amazing!!

Moving On Up

We have officially moved out of the old place and into our very own home!! how strange?? I thought is was so cool that today, new years eve, was our move out inspection. Goodbye 08, hello 09!! So, tonight we are CELEBRATING all the many adventures to come!!!

I swear moving is such a pain, but I had no clue, absolutly no clue, how hard it was going to be packing two kiddos and all the toys that come with them. Roger and I have been married for 4 1/2 years and we have moved 6 times. You do the math. NUTTS!! I know. Moving with one child is hard, I'll admit, but moving with two is "I'm hiding in the corner and crying till this move is over" kinda hard. If only we lived close to family. We are seriously like ALONE when it comes to the kids. The grandparents are an hour and a half away.

Roger loves his new job! I'm so excited for him but I am starting to understand the whole "stress" of ministry. First of all, I had no clue that ministers were on call. I thought that was a doctor/nurse thing. Who knew?? So, we are sitting having dinner one minute talking about how we should take a walk because it is a beautiful night and the next Roger is pulling out of the drive to go minister to a soon to be widow. This new life of being married to a full time minister is kinda strange. A part of me is sad to see him rush off in the middle of dinner but another part of me is very understanding and proud. It's not like he's rushing back to the office to finish paper work and by doing so ignoring his family. He's going to comfort a grieving wife who is about to loose her bestfriend of 50 years. I'm so proud of him. What an incredible responsibility he has taken on. I just pray that I will always be as understanding and proud.

Evil Thoughts

I am so stressed out and want to scream. Trying to move with two small children around the holidays is completely driving me crazy. If only I had someone to watch the screaming baby and the anxious toddler life would be a tiny bit easier. How about this, I'll go away to Hawaii for two weeks while someone unpacks and decorates my home. That sounds like a great plan.

I feel the urge to grab the next person, without kids, that says they were "so stressed" during the moving process, by the back of the head and punch them in the nose. I know that sounds so evil and after I do the evil act I will pray for forgiveness but I really want to hit the next person who makes that comment to me.

I feel like my sense of humor has been replaced by evil jessica. I need to run away. Ok, what I really need is help with the kids. How can a person concentrate on ANYTHING with the two of them?? seriously???? They're good kids but kids all the same. They need fed, changed, cuddled, disciplined and their toys and clothes unpacked. All I can say is at least we didn't move into one of those "good investment" houses. A good "fixer-uper is the last thing I need at the moment.

Oh, speaking of "fixer-uper" when we got back from the christmas break we found that our storm door had not been shut properly when we left and had been blown off of the hinges. GREAT!!!! The glass door didn't break..THANK GOD.... but part of the frame around the door (the wood and metal) was all bent to hell. Good news is that Roger took the door off and it seems to be easy to fix. We just need to make a trip to the hardware store.

anyway, both Roger and Paul want dinner so I best go and do a little jig in the kitchen and make a little something something.

Jasper Christmas

We celebrated christmas with Paul and Anna tonight. We made a cake and after dinner had a birthday party for Jesus. I don't want to do the whole Santa thing. I understand people who do but I want christmas to be a more holy sacred time in our family. Anyway, we put some candles on the cake, sang happy birthday to Jesus and let him open up his presents. Tonight when Roger gets back (he's out caroling with the church) we are going to watch a little kids movie about the virgin birth. I'm really excited about getting snuggled up to watch a real christmas movie with my son.

Speaking of the Santa thing. I walked into a book store last week and Santa was there. I prept Paul before we walked by and let him know that Santa wasn't real. I told him that he is kinda like Bob the builder. He is just make believe. So, we continued on and the Santa stood up and did the whole "HO HO HI LITTLE BOY" and waved. Paul looked up and said "you're not real" I was a bit embarrassed but I couldn't help but cackle. When he gets a little older I'll have to explain to him that he can't go around telling people that Santa's not real.

random thoughts

i'm having a me night tonight! I've decided to stay up late, eat junk food and surf the net. Thus far I have eaten two chocolate covered cherries and a cinnamon raison bagel with cream cheese. I wish the cream cheese was flavored strawberry but Roger just got the plain.

I was to excited to what until christmas to give Roger one of his gifts so I made him open it lastnight. He made me open one of my gifts tonight. I LOVE it. It is the Ordinary Radicals book by Shain Claiborne. Roger is trying to corrupt me and bring me over to his side through books. It is working! The more books I read that he suggest the more I understand him and the more in love I fall. I sure did marry a good man!!!

I think I'll go to the kitchen and find something else to eat.

I found some celery. I know. but I LOVE celery and it is so crunchy.

So, my pacemaker has been shocking me off and on for the past week. I stopped counting yesterday at 12. It feels more like a burn in my arm. It doesn't last to long but it can be quite uncomfortable. I have an appointment with my favorite cardiologist in the whole world set up in January. The last time I saw him I mentioned the pacemaker shocking me and he informed me that one of my leads was broken and that the other one didn't look to good. So, I might be having my leads replaced in the near future. That sure does suck. I know pacemakers aren't really that big of a deal anymore but the idea of wires touching my heart FREAKS ME OUT. I've had some BAD surgery experiences. The worst experience was when I woke up in the middle of a heart cath surgery and threw up all over the operating table. It was bad.

With all of these heart surgeries that I am going to have in my life I am beginning to think I should have married a heart surgeon. "Honey, do you think you could replace my lead for me? The darn thing just keeps shocking me."

Tomorrow is Saturday. I love Saturdays. Roger is here to help me with the kids. I wish we could lay in bed and snuggle on weekend days but between Anna needing fed and Paul jumping on me that is totally impossible. How do people have 3 kids? when do they get the time to, well, you know?? That amazes me. By the time the kids are in bed I'm exhausted and Roger is snoring in the living room floor, face down in a book. Needless to say, we're only having two kids. This factory is closed.

we're thinking about being foster parents when anna is 2 years old. I met a lady at communality who takes foster infants and she said there is a high demand for stay at home moms to be foster parents to take care of the babies that are to little to go to daycare. I would love to do that. I would just consider myself a babysitter for a mother or father that is trying to get back on their feet so they can take care of their new infant. We're looking into that. But I don't want to take on another child until anna is a little older. It amazed me that in the foster care system stay at home moms are in high demand.

Alright, it's 12:30am and I think I have stayed up late enough. I have christmas shopping to do tomorrow. booooo

Humm, I think I might do the "Rog, can you feed Paul and Anna this morning while I lay her and rest just a little bit longer" move in the morning. I wonder if he'll let me? He's a good husband and usually lets me lay there as long as I want.

screaming child

Anna has been screaming nonstop for the past 5 days. It is starting to drive me absolutely CRAZY. I change her diaper, rock her, and then try to feed her. Nothing helps. The worst part about it is that she wont even eat. Every hour I sit for 30 min trying to get her to eat a bottle. She just throws her head back, clinches her fists and SCREAMS. Then she starts biting at the nipple. I know she is teething but this is nutts. I've tried all the teething meds and tricks and nothing seems to help.

I did manage to get some milk down her yesterday and today after a HORRIBLE fight.

The poor thing also has a reflux problem. If I don't put rice in her milk (told by the pediatrician to put a teaspoon for every ounce) she projectile vomits all of the milk before it even has time to digest. Because of her "little" problem she screams if she is not in a sitting up position. I mean SCREAMS!!! You can hear the agony in her cry. It is horrible. So, laying her down for anything is pretty much impossible unless you don't mind the horrible screams. She spends all day either in a high chair, in my lap, or laying in the floor screaming. I can't get any peace.

Now, my question. Why wont the pediatrician give me any meds for this?? I understand that the Doctor wanted to wait it out and see if she outgrew the problem but it is clear that she hasn't and it is clear that she is in horrible pain. All the doctor tells me is "well, lets try making her milk a little thicker. Let's increase the amount of rice we put in the bottle." COME ON PEOPLE. yes, the rice is helping BUT the poor baby is still hurting sooooo bad. The only difference I can tell with the rice is that when she tries to projectile vomit the milk is too thick to come out all the way and just chokes her a bit and then goes back down. IT STILL BURNS. IT's STILL HAPPENING.

The worst part about this whole thing is that I like Anna's pediatrician as a person. She's such a sweet lady and you can tell that she loves her job and adores baby's. but as a doctor, i don;t really trust her. She doesn't seem to have enough backbone. I ask her questions and then tell her what I am doing about the problem and she just kinda nods her head. I am left thinking "ummmmm ok ANSWER MY QUESTION" I mean for real, I'm just the mom, she's the doctor. I sure as hell didn't go to med school. I just had sex and a baby popped out. I only know so much by the process of elimination.

I think the Doctor doesn't want to step on my toes by saying I'm doing something wrong so she doesn't really say anything when I am doing something that is clearly wrong. But, I NEED her to tell me when I am doing something wrong. This whole thing just stinks.

Any one know of a good pediatrician at the UK pediatric clinic???? I need one that would be willing to knock me over the head when I am doing something wrong but also one that I feel actually CARES and likes their job!!