It's probably nothing to worry about but I can't stop worrying about it.
I can't stop chewing on my lip (something I do when I'm nervous).
I can't stop sending up little prayers every 15 min.
This morning I took the kids in for their yearly checkup.
As the pediatrician was listening to Anna she noticed a "pretty good little heart murmur."
My own heart dropped into my stomach
WHAT?
I know for most people learning that their child has a heart murmur is like not THAT big of a deal but for me, someone who HAS a congenital heart defect, I just about fell over in tears.
The thought of my children having anything wrong with their hearts TERRIFIES me.
I KNOW how it is to live day in and day out struggling with a heart condition.
I don't want my children to EVER go through what I go through on a daily bases.
The pediatrician did her best to calm me down by saying over and over again that it probably wasn't anything to worry about and that some children have heart murmurs off and on. That it doesn't mean anything is wrong necessarily.
However, because of my heart history, she went ahead and set Anna up to see a pediatric cardiologist.
Funny thing is, is that I am currently the patient of the cardiologist that Anna is set up to see.
So we just went ahead and set the appointment up on the day that I am set to see my pediatric cardiologist.
Dr. Keller will be taking care of my heart AND checking on what the murmur is all about in my 3 year old daughter's heart.
Hopefully it will turn out to be absolutely NOTHING.
But it really hard not to think about the WHAT IFS.
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