Life Goes On

I feel a bit overwhelmed.  

Ok. So that is a fib. I am feeling VERY overwhelmed.  

Paul and Anna are driving me completely NUTS.  

While we are waiting for our house in Etown to be move in ready, Paul is staying at home with us every single day.  He is 5. He needs social intereraction. He needs to go to preschool. I have had him in a preschool here for 2 years but I have him registered for a preschool in Etown so that when we move he will immediatly have a place to go. He'll be going Tue-Fri 9am to 11:30am.   But until then me, Anna, the kids at the park and the kids at the library are his social interaction.  It keeps me VERY busy. 

Anna is 2 and  has discovered that making her brother scream is SUPER fun. She has a whole tool box of sneaky tricks to piss Paul off. And if you know Paul, you know that he can get VERY upset VERY easy.  She bites, pinches, smacks, pulls hair and even picks his toys up and slings them across the room.   My whole day is spent breaking up these little fights.  My jaw and head hurt from the tension.  This psychology degree is getting put to good use.  let's see if it works!

It is driving me NUTS.  COMPLETELY NUTS.  I'm not joking. I'm exhausted.

On top of that I have to clean, do the laundry, go to class, study for class, and try to SEE my husband at least for 30 min a day.  

Oh and did I mention my brother is getting married NEXT weekend and that the kids are in the wedding and Roger is the minister of it??   :0

Staying home is NOT for the weak of heart....pun intended.  

Paul and Anna tell me at least 5 times a day what a horrible mother I am.   It tends to follow the "NO" that I give when  they ask to have ice cream for breakfast or the "NO WAY " I  give when they try to jump on the couch or the "YOU STOP THAT NOW" that I scream out when Anna attempts to push Paul down the stairs on his skate board.  When children learn to talk it is not all love that they speak. They enjoy expressing their anger as well. When you are a barrier for their so called enjoyment of life, then the hateful words start to fly. 

This morning after doing the house work, managing the fighting kids and contemplating WHEN AM I GOING TO GET TO READ FOR CLASS or just sit on the couch for like 5 seconds without being jumped on, I walked out to the mail box to check the mail.  BAD IDEA.  There was ANOTHER medical bill.  ANOTHER ONE????   SERIOUSLY???

I had a new pacemaker placed in May and the bills just don't stop coming.  A bill from my cardiologist, a bill from the anesthesiologist, a bill from the hospital, a bill from the surgeon. Why can't they just put them all together?  one big bill. I know there is a good reason but it is so depressing to pay a MASSIVE bill, feel the relief of no longer having it over your head, only to walk out and receive ANOTHER massive bill.  Punch in the gut.

It is enough to make me not ever want to get this stupid pacemaker replaced EVER AGAIN.  Just take the thing out and let me die.  

My cardiologist's nurse keeps calling the phone. I haven't called her back. I dread what is next. I know I have another check up coming. I don't want to go. I know there are even more tests which means even more bills.  I want to cry out into the world "WHY ME??"  I am very thankful that my children didn't get this heart condition. I would be eaten up with even more guilt than I already have.

I keep waiting for that day where I can wake up on a beautiful weekend, snuggle with my husband, take a warm shower before eating breakfast and sipping tea.  Read on the couch until I feel the urge to go for a long bike ride with Roger.  Come back to the house for a long lunch and afternoon nap.  Get up from the nap and sit on the porch swing knitting until dinner time........and on and on and on.

I've been told that after having children your days a filled with humility and sacrifice.  

It is true.  

My bed is invaded just about every morning, my shower tends to have little heads popping in to say hi, my breakfast is typically eaten and my couch has been taken over by the "pirates" as their boat.  Every now and then I get to have a great conversation with my husband that DOES NOT involve the kids or the house or school or work. But even then, the conversation to interuped by anna declaring to the world that she has to "POOP IN THE TOILET!"

Most days it brings me great joy to have the craziness of this cute little family of mine  but I would be telling a fib if I didn't say that at least once a day I feel a little overwhelmed with the urge to take back my personal space. 

I yearn, right now, at this very moment, for a cool, quite, dark space to cuddle up with some tea, a good book and read.  I also yearn to bursh my teeth!

When you share a house with three other people, time management is a BIG deal. Space invasion is an EVERYDAY happening. 

In a little bit Roger is taking both children grocery shopping with him. I am overwhelmed with joy.  I am going to have a house all to myself for at least an hour.  He is a brave soul. 

Oh boy.  Roger just handed me a delicious lunch that I am going to get to enjoy without having the share!!!!  YAY

Never mind. Anna just asked for a bite before she left :(

Later that evening:
We were sitting downstairs, after putting the kids to bed, talking with my brother and sister-in-law when we heard a big CRASH. We looked out the window to see our neighbors looking at our car with a flashlight. When we opened the front door to see what was going on they said "Man, someone just hit your car and drove off.'  yep, a hit and run. We completely lost our left side mirror. Wonderful!!