Meeting Turtleman at Guntown Mountain

This morning when I was abruptly woken up by two children jumping on my stomach, I had no intention of going anywhere.

Roger and I both agreed that this would be the weekend that we spent lounging around the house.

For months our weekends have been packed and in the near future it seems as if our weekends are packed full.  

Today was going to be the day that we did NOTHING.  

NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING.

I had big plans!  

Plans of sitting on the porch swing knitting until my butt and neck hurt.

Plans of lounging in the grass reading until my eyes began to shut.

Plans of taking a long nap with the bedroom windows open.  (i love that spring breeze)

At 10:30am I started to get a bit antsy.

Antsy for adventure.

"Roger, it has been so long since we have done a random road trip. I want to take a random road trip.  Like a really random, somewhat cheesy, Kentucky road trip!"

We loaded up the family station wagon (yes, we have a station wagon) and headed to the Dollar Tree where we bought us some classic American Road tripping snacks.

Then we headed to Guntown Mountain! 

I'll be honest with you. I wasn't too keen on taking the chair lift up to the top. 

The thing was OLD and the men running it seemed nice but well, you know, a little too chill, if you know what I mean.

I tried to be a good sport by riding the chair lift since that is how you get to Guntown Mountain, but I'm telling you, I prayed the ENTIRE ride up.  I just KNEW we were going to end up on Good Morning America as the family who died when the chair lift at Guntown Mountain malfunctioned. 

When we reached the top it was just as I expected.... SUPER CHEESY and incredibly backwoods.

"Oh my GOSH this is so AWESOME!"

Guntown Mountain

chit chatting with the Jailor

wild west funeral

making a deposit at the bank

A quick visit with Jayber Crow at his barber shop

having dessert with Hannah Coulter

 At Guntown Mountain there are SEVERAL shows that you can attend.

It is included in the price for admission.

The whole town is one big play.

They have the Country Music at the Opera House, the gun show/hanging in the center of town, the stunt show where you learn how to bar fight, and the Can Can Dancers at the Lady Lounge.

Yep, I know what you're thinking.  Is that appropriate for small children?

Well, umm, probably not, but then again, I'm not sure if my children picked up on a lot of that Wild West stuff.  And honestly, if I would have thought through the whole Wild West thing I wouldn't have taken them to Guntown Mountain but I didn't.  I just popped up from my knitting perch on the porch swing and declared that we WOULD go on a hilarious road trip and that Guntown Mountain WOULD be our destination.

the Opera House.....country style

When the curtains opened up I just about lost it in a sea of giggles.

The song they were singing was the song that my Pawpaw used to walk around singing.

She REALLY got into this song.

 This creepy dude followed us around all day.

Every time I looked his way he was looking RIGHT BACK AT ME.

So, I snapped his picture to show you all just how creepy this dude is.

So, I KNEW there would be a gun fight in the center of town but I HONESTLY had no clue they were going to actually hang one of the characters.

I was SHOCKED and covered the kids' eyes when they hung the dude.

He was attached to a special harness that made it REALLY look like he was hanging.

Creeped me out.

After the hanging we headed into the Lady Lounge to watch a really cheesy magic show.

It was HILARIOUS on many different levels.

The Lady Lounge

magician with NO personality

When we walked out of the Lady Lounge, back into the center of the wild west town, we were shocked to see a film crew.

I started asking some of the crew what was going on and was informed that Turtleman HIMSELF had decided to film an episode of his hit show The Call of the Wildman at Guntown Mountain.

"Turtle who?"

Go on and google Turtleman.  He has a show on Animal Planet.

The man is WILD.

Seriously, he like for real WILD.  He had me laughing so incredibly hard that I started slapping my knee.

Of course, Roger and I HAD to have a photo with him.

The other 25 people that decided to venture to Guntown Mountain followed suit with the photos.

Some got a little more then  they asked for.

For the record, I would have DIED if he picked me up like that.

We spent the rest of the afternoon watching, and being a small part of, the filming of the Animal Planet show, Call of the Wildman.   You'll have to look for us in an upcoming episode.  

I think it will air the first of June.

Turtleman joined in with the Can Can

paul was super excited about Animal Planet filming him

Look what we found on our drive home from Guntown Mountain.

Stonehenge!

Paul was quick to point out that this wasn't the REAL stonehenge.

He then went on to tell us about the REAL Stonehenge.

Anna was too busy attempting to steel rocks to listen to anything that Paul was saying.

So, here is the story of the Kentucky stonehenge, the short version.

There is this dude who enjoys making artwork with stones so the dude has made his whole yard an art gallery of rocks.

So, being the all American Roadtrippers that we are, we stopped to walk around this dudes yard.

Go on and google it!

yep. that's the ten commandments in stone, in the middle of nowhere

What a grand adventure!

On the way home Anna fell asleep in the back with her fake Dollar Tree nails on, while Roger and I beamed ear to ear about how fun it was to spend a day being absolutely ridiculous. 

"Roger, we got to meet Turtleman at Guntown Mountain!   God REALLY likes me!"

Roger-  "yeah, that's some good theology you got there."

Bed Bugs and Funeral Homes

I love thrift store shopping!

When I say thrift store I mean Salvation Army, Goodwill and little mom and pop stores that are located in a shed out back of the house.

I'm not talking about upscale consignment shopping. 

Yesterday I found the most AWESOME chair for 8 dollars...... 8 DOLLARS.

No, I didn't get it.  

This specific store that I went to looked a bit shady and I am TERRIFIED of bed bugs so I opted to stare at the chair from a distance.

However, I did catch sight of a lacy looking hem.

I took off running towards the hem.

Anna yelling behind me "MOMMY LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL PURSE!"

It was a gold hooker purse and YES I let her buy it. (it was 99 cents)

I discovered that the lacy hem was connected to an adorable looking top with tiny little black buttons.

I yelled out WOW COOL when I saw the collar which made Anna yell out COOL.

I wasn't going to try the dress on because, well, it was COVERED in white cat hair and smelt SUPER nasty.  Plus, the dressing room was really an old nasty kitchen.  

NASTEY KITCHEN.

But my good Momma taught me NEVER to buy anything without trying it on first.

Even if it is only 10 dollars.

10 DOLLARS!

My good judgement went out the window and I entered the nasty kitchen with the cat hair dress. 

 Anna followed behind me expressing her apprehension. 

After trying on the dress, twirling around in it a few times I yelled "HOLY CRAP BED BUGS."

I quickly jumped out of the dress.

No, there were NOT any bed bugs (or lice)...... but there could have been and I REALLY should NOT have risked it.

I bought the dress for myself, the hooker purse for Anna and threw them in the trunk.

I've always been told when you go junk collecting to put the junk in the hot trunk to kill the bugs.

Not sure if that actually works but it makes me feel better.

As soon as I got home I washed them in hot HOT water.

Then I put the "no more stinky cat hair" dress on.

"Look Roger, I found me a good funeral goin' dress!"

I know. I know. I am a bit morbid.

 But when you are married to a minister you go to a lot of funerals.

Maybe I should rename the dress Mary Tyler Moore?

It made me feel as if I were in the Dick Van Dyke Show.

I should TOTALLY make dinner in this.

Roger will show up from work and be all "WHERE DID MY WIFE GO?"

It's going to be a good year

Today is our 8th wedding anniversary!

I love you Rev. Roger Jasper.

I knew in the 4th grade that I would someday grow up to marry you.

I can't think of a better person to have so many adventures with! 

I'm awful at coming up with witty blog titles

Paul gave me a present he made at school.

It reads... "Here's a gift for Mother's Day: I'll try my best in every way, but when you get upset with me, relax and have a cup of tea!"

When he handed it to me I laughed and laughed and laughed.

I gave him a big hug and told him thank you, that it was such a thoughtful gift and that I LOVED it.

He smiled awkwardly, shrugged his shoulders and said "thank my teacher, she's the one that came up with the idea." 

My special Mother's Day gift to my self was meeting a friend for coffee before church this morning.

I dropped the kids off at their Sunday school and headed to Panera.

We sat for a whole UNINTERRUPTED hour talking!

It rained ALL DAY LONG which I personally LOVED. I knitted, read, watched 20/20 on hulu and napped like a baby.  I pretty much turn into an old lady on rainy days. 

 The kids started getting crazy about 5pm. Being cooped up in the house with us made them slap happy.

I knew we needed to do something when Anna started hitting Paul in the head with the bathroom door.

"Who wants to go for a walk...... IN THE RAIN?!?!?

As we were walking I told the kids to keep an eye out for big puddles to jump in.

The found a LOT.

They went cRaZy splashing each other in the puddles.

At one point I looked over and they were in the ditch, the water was up to Anna's knees and they were splashing like non other. Several cars drove by and gave me a weird look, like, "are you SERIOUSLY letting your kids play in a ditch full of dirty water?"

When we got back home I threw them both in a hot bubble bath while Roger made soup. 

After dinner we rented a movie from redbox for the kids to watch before bed.

While Roger fetched the movie the kids and I had a dance party in the living room.

"I'm trying to wear them out!" -me

"well it looks as if you are only wearing your self out." -Roger

Later in the evening Roger and I morphed back into old people as he sat in the comfy chair reading while I sat on the couch watching Good Morning America on Hulu as I knitted on my cardigan. 

Life is pretty sweet!

Roger's Graduation Adventure

I am exhausted. 

For the past 24 hours I have been juggling 2 kids and a dog while trying to enjoy all of the graduation ceremonies.

Yes, you read that right, a dog.

We couldn't find anyone to watch the dog so we had to take him along on our over night stay with friends and to graduation.

On Friday Roger's sister volunteered to watch the kids and the dog for us while Roger and I attended the Seminary's Grad dinner.  

As we were packing the car up to leave, the dog got out the front door and took off running down the street.  Roger and I stood in our front lawn, dressed in our nice dinner clothes, with the car full of our luggage, defeated.  That's when the neighborhood cat came over. I grabbed it really quick and started hollering for our dog. He LOVES cats so I figured he would come back to me as soon as he saw that I had the cat.  

It worked! 

He came back!  

However, the cat hissed, and jumped out of my arms. At which point the dog started chasing it.  I finally caught the cat again and ran into the house. The dog followed behind me. Roger shut the door.  That's when we realized we had a wild cat and our dog shut in the house.  "open the door Roger. OPEN THE DOOR."  Some how we managed to get the cat OUT and keep the dog IN and no one was hurt!

Before the dinner, after we dropped the kids off, we made a quick pit stop at a local ice cream shop that we frequented during college.

am I getting taller or is this water fountain small?

the seminary gave the graduates a chalice and patin 

During the graduation ceremony this morning I locked the dog up in his crate, in the car, and left all the windows rolled down.  Don't worry, it wasn't hot out and we parked in the shade.

After graduation, before the reception, I ran back out to the car to let the dog out, then put him back in.

Of course the children demanded to tag along.

On the way home, Roger and I both zombies, Paul screamed out "I HAVE TO POOP."

We sped to the closest exit.

As Paul was climbing out of the car Anna screamed "I'M PEEING ON MYSELF."

She had been asleep.

I yelled "hurry, quick, get out of the car."

She jumped into the passengers seat with me. I slowly opened the door with her in my arms, trying not to flash anyone with my short dress, and the freaking dog leaps over my head and OUT THE DOOR.

At which point my dress came flying up and Anna came tumbling out of my arms.

We were in a McDonalds parking lot.  

The dog began running in and out of the drive through traffic.  I held Anna on my hip as I chased the dog in my heels and short dress.  

People were audibly laughing as they sat in their cars waiting for their burgers.

I was horrified, near tears. "Forget it. Go to hell you stupid dog."

The dog finally got some since about him and came back to me on his own.

I put him in the crate, took Anna to the bathroom and stood in the McDonalds stall feeling defeated.

How many times can a person feel defeated in a 24 hour period?

When I got back to the car Roger and Paul were getting in.

"What's wrong?"

I began to tell Roger what had happened as the first signs of tears filled my eyes.

"I just wanted this day to be special for you."

He looked at me, rubbed my arm, and started laughing REALLY hard which made me see the humor in the whole dog situation and day.

As soon as we got home, I jumped in a hot bath.

I held my breath and put my head under the warm water like I used to do as a small child.

When I came back up for air I felt refreshed.

"ok. I'm ok"  And then I laughed a big ol' belly chuckle.

Our life is quite comical, is it not?

Here are some graduation videos for you to enjoy!

The first one is of the professors, trustees and graduates walking in.

The second one is of Roger, my handsome, kind hearted and hilarious husband, getting hooded and receiving his Masters Of Divinity.

doing the laundry seems to be more enjoyable with a grad hat and hood on

This afternoon as I was sitting at the dinner table with Paul and Anna, missing Roger, exhaustion overcame me. I looked at the clock and thought that there was no way I was going to be able to clean up after dinner, bathe both of the kids and get them to bed.   

I sat staring out the window as Paul talked and Anna screamed.

So you can imagine how I felt when Anna excitedly asked, "Mommy can we PLEASE take a family bike ride after dinner?"

I left the dinner table a mess, put the dog in the crate, hunted down a wrench and went to work putting Paul's training wheels back on his bike. 

(before dinner I was attempting to teach him how to ride without them. "mom I don't want to learn to ride a bike. I can walk. i LIKE walking.")

We set off through downtown; Paul on his very own bike (with training wheels) and Anna riding on the back carrier of mine.

I got a boost of energy and it ended up being a lot of fun.

yep. she rode in her bathing suit. the child LIVES in that bathing suit during warm months.

I love getting to be a kid with my kids!

The road we live on has barely any traffic so Paul and I rode down it, racing.

We stayed out riding for over an hour, enjoying the sun set.

 "Mom my legs are hurting." -Paul

Paul just got out of the shower and is picking out his bedtime book.

Anna is still soaking in her bubble bath.

The windows are open, allowing a cool spring breeze to fill the house.

Dinner is cleaned up and a glass of sweet white wine is calling my name.

I am excitedly awaiting the arrival of my husband.

He went to his last class EVER today!

(Maybe. He's now talking about the possibility of going on to get his PhD)

I'm going to plant a BIG KISS on his lips as soon as he pulls into the drive.

I'm so excited about his graduation on Saturday.  I'm like a giddy school girl!!!!!

Counting and Measuring by Chuck Costa

2 + 8 = 10

Since Roger is in the middle of desperately trying to finish up his seminary papers, I spent my birthday like any other day.

cooking, cleaning, sewing, and chasing children.

I have to say that by far my favorite part of my tasks was mowing the grass.

I LOVE MOWING THE GRASS!!!!

I get tons of exercise from the push mower that weighs a ton, I get to be OUTSIDE, and I get a chance to be away from the kids for a bit.

However, I do sneeze like CRAZY because of my allergies.

All the other things that I do (dishes, laundry, mopping and sewing) the kids are always right beside me eager to help. (which I like. most of the time. I enjoy teaching them to work).  

However, there is something so wonderful about being outside in the yard getting all sweaty, being productive. 

By the time Roger got home later in the evening I had the house cleaned, the yard mowed and dinner prepared. 

 Ok, so I fibbed about the dinner.  I totally called him on his way home and asked him to bring the birthday girl home a veggie pizza from Papa Murphes to pop in the oven. 

The heat from mowing the grass left me spongy.

The last thing I wanted to do was cook.

While I was up in the cherry tree helping Paul pick some ripe cherries,  I noticed Roger slipping into the house with a cake.

I told him not to, that I would make my own, but the sneaky, thoughtful man that I married knew that I would spend my time mowing the lawn rather than making a cake, so he bought me one.  

After dinner the kids cuddled up with me to wish me a happy 28th as Roger set out the cake.

Then Paul started singing me Happy Birthday....... IN SPANISH!!!

As I blew out my candles on another year down. I kept thinking "this should be a good year. 2 and 8 are both even numbers and when you add them together you get an even number!!"

This afternoon, the day after my birthday, Paul asked me "Mom did you have a good day yesterday. Did it feel like your birthday?  Anna and I wanted to make it special for you."

They had both made little gifts for me.

Each and every day of my life is made special simply by their presents in it. 

I am so grateful to have these two spunky kids in my life.

I pray that I am able to live long enough to watch them grow into adults.

Need a good laugh? Check out this blog post.