have I mentioned.....

...how EXCITED I am RIGHT NOW!!!

I am so excited that I am like a giddy little school girl.

I'm jumping around, dancing, and of course typing out this blog.

As I type this, Roger is dropping the kids off with his mom. 

WE ARE GOING ON A DATE!!!

A REAL DATE!!!

A DAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!!

With two kids, work, seminary, two houses and all this car mess, I have been missing MY HUSBAND.

The past couple of weeks our dating has consisted of the occasional me attacking him or him attacking me with a massive amount of hugs and kisses as we walk past one another in the hall.

Take this for example. 

This morning Roger mowed the grass and cleaned out the gutters while i fed and bathed the children and got them packed to go to their nanna's.  As Roger was about to walk out the door to mow the grass in his old jeans with a hole in the knee, a brown long sleeve tshirt and massive brown hiking boots I said "Oh you are HOT" and planted a big one right on his lips. He smiled really big and said "Jess, just because I didn't feel the need to play redneck when I was a child doesn't mean I wont do the things I need to do to maintain a home."   I fell over laughing about my hippie husband in his HOT redneck attire!  

Seriously, he was smoking HOT this morning!!!

When Roger gets back we are headed into the the city to have dinner together and EXPLORE until the Phil Wickham concert at 7pm.  

****jump***jump****

BIG SMILE

our exploring usually takes place in and out of coffee shops, books stores and hole in the wall boutiques.

We have a BLAST sipping coffee, reading interesting lines from books, and finding the strangest little crafts that people make.

I'm looking forward to having a whole day of just US. 

When we go on these dates we both tend to slip back into the high school Jessica and Roger. 

Which means, we laugh THE WHOLE TIME,  make really lame jokes and can't manage to keep our hands off of one another.

Welp, the house is clean, the gutters are clean, the yard has been mowed, the lettuce has been checked on, the kids are with their nanna and the beautiful SUN IS OUT!!!!!!!!!

I AM SOOOOO EXCITED!

This is Phil Wickham singing one of my favorite prayer songs.

And another that I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE

Cupcakes, Fake Purls and Cheap Black Tea

This cheap black tea is just not doing it for me. I am dragging BIG TIME this morning. 

I feel like my eyeballs are getting sucked into my head.

Last night there was storm after storm. 

have a mentioned that there has been storms for over a week straight?

Big storms. Monster Storms. Rip your roof off STORMS

TORNADOES.

Golf ball size hail.

I didn't really get to sleep until a little after 4am. 

It was a combination of the tornado and the chocolate cupcake I devoured RIGHT BEFORE BED.

Why did I do that?

I have REALLY bad anxiety issues so I have to monitor what I eat, how much sleep I get, making sure I get enough exercise, in order to keep from having an attack.

With that said.

The combination of the tornado, the chocolate cupcake and the storm KEPT ME UP ALL night fighting my demons of anxious tension.

When I get like that I worry about EVERYTHING.

oh no... that tree could fall on the house.

oh no..... the gutters are over flowing which means WATER DAMAGE

oh no.... did I lock the front door

Did I just hear a tornado siren?

Is Paul ok?

did I just hear Anna scream?

I think I need to pee.... do I need to pee or do I not need to pee? I might as well go pee.

I could not shut my brain off.

Yesterday evening was so relaxing, 

I went to the gym. Ran 3 miles. Lifted weights. 

After dinner we opened  all the windows and the front door. Roger and I relaxed on the couch, enjoying the cool spring breeze, the sunshine and the laughter of children running on the porch.

Sirens started going off "you have got to be kidding me."

At 8:15pm we didn't head for the bathroom to get the kids ready for bed, instead we headed to the basement. 

The dark, damp, scary basement, where the cave crickets and spiders like to chill out.

We sat on a small area rug placed under the stairs. The kids were tired and very slap happy, which resulted in lots of annoying little kid arguments between a 2 year old and 5 year old.  At one point Roger even chimed in with annoyance "would you two just let your mother and I sit in peace PLEASE."

I tried to entertain the kids by singing songs they could sing along with, but they would have nothing to do with THAT idea. Then I tried to get them to put a puzzle together and my idea was once again shot down. Apparently they enjoyed FIGHTING.  Who knew!?!?

The warning lasted until 9:30pm.

We emerged from the depths of our house with aching backs, heads and two VERY disappointed kids "hey, I thought we were going to sleep down there?"

Seriously?  They wanted to SLEEP down there with all those cave crickets?

Once the kids were in bed I treated myself to a cupcake.

Probably shouldn't have done that.

I tossed and turned all night long.

I am exhausted today.

On a happy note.... Roger and I are going on a DATE tomorrow!

The kids are going to their Nanna and Pop's house for the weekend!

Roger and I are going to a concert and dinner on Thursday night in the city!  It is going to be a small intimate concert with my FAVORITE artist, Phil Wickham. 

Then on Friday our church (Living Faith Baptist Fellowship), which Roger is the minister at, is being recognized as CHURCH OF THE YEAR at the Baptist Seminary of Kentucky banquet. 

So we are going to that!

Should be a nice get away!

On a sadder note..... the storms are back today and I ate ANOTHER chocolate cupcake.

I couldn't stop myself.

I saw the storm and was like "CRAP" so I grabbed ANOTHER cupcake.

The kids are in a crabby mood today too.

I put my great grandma Ensminger's old fake purls on to make myself feel a bit better. I had a professor tell me " Dress the way you want to feel!"

I feel more like a little girl playing dress up with her dolls than a REAL LIVE VERY AWAKE mother.

Cupcakes, Fake Purls and Cheap Black Tea

how crazy can I be?

Random  side note:
My neighbor, Jamie, who writes a column in The Wednesday's Woman section of the newspaper, wrote a beautiful article about being the parent of two small children. Check the article out by clicking here.
It is a prefect example of what it is like juggling two small children.

It made my morning so much better after reading it!

On Days like today....

I feel like CRAP. 

 I look HIDEOUS.  

No, seriously. If my mom were here she would say "jessica, do something with yourself. You look awful."

She has said that to me before. 

 I showered, threw some old jeans on (got them in high school they now have a hole in the knee), an old tshirt from college, and let my hair drip dry until it drove me crazy and I was forced to throw it up into an awkward pony tail. 

The kids aren't feeling well which means they are REALLY whinny and tearing up at any little thing.

It is raining outside and has been that way for a WHOLE WEEK.

I'm about to clean up after lunch and take the kids to the library.

Am I going to change clothes?  Try to make myself look less like the raggin muffin that I am?

NOPE

There comes a time when a woman needs to stop thinking about her looks and focus her energies on raising her children.  This time comes at the moment of conception.  A child needs a role model, not a supermodel.  ~Astrid Alauda, on the "hot mom" trend

HA HA HA!!

Like that one?

Now, I am going to focus on getting this kitchen straightened up and these kids loaded up in the car to go to the library! 

LIBRARY!!!! 

I might not be the HOT MOM but I sure am the mom that cuddles up with her kids, every day, to read MASSIVE amounts of books!

Target

I know I'm not the ONLY one that finds this video hilarious.  I am notorious for finding myself in the most awkward conversations with complete strangers.  Honestly, it makes life more interesting!



And man oh man this next clip had me rolling.


Now this next clip is my ALL TIME favorite.  When Roger and I were younger we went to a summer school in Hindman Kentucky for dyslexic children.  The entire campus was sugar free.  There really were kids there that turned into little monsters if you gave them sugar. I may or my not be one of them. :)

WHAT IF.....

I feel like I am having some PTSD from Roger hitting the deer last week on his way to school.

The drive is about  2 hours from home to school.... one way...... on the parkway.

There are dead deer ALL OVER the side of the road.

They just jump out of NO WHERE during this time of year.

This morning it is pouring the rain. It has been storming for several days now, and I do mean STORMING. It is CRAZY. The weather has been NUTs. We a have a swamp in our back yard and our poor lettuce garden is flooded (that can't be good).

Roger just left for class.
I'm terrified of him being in a car crash. So terrified that I can't sleep and I am sitting with the phone in my lap. My brain is on the what ifs.  

The problem is that a WHAT IF actually happened this time last week. He actually hit a deer on the way to class. A WHAT IF could happen this week. He could hit a big bunch of water and hydroplane or someone else could hydroplane and hit him. 

Ya see, I am going crazy. I think I am losing my mind on the WHAT IFS.

I'm so excited about the semester being over!

now, will I attempt to go back to sleep with the phone in my hand?
I think I'll give it a try.
Typing this all out has helped chill me and open my eyes to how ridiculous I am.
I'm a fruit cake.
But, I'd like to think that I am one of those yummy bourbon soaked fruit cakes that the Monks make!
**** SMILE*****

PawPaw's Tractor

On the day PawPaw passed away we all gathered at mawmaw and pawpaw's house.

It was so surreal. 

 Walking into the house with all of his stuff placed exactly where he left it.  Even his pipe, with his ashes sat beside his chair, in his room that over looked the farm.  

Mawmaw asked me to get the keys from Pawpaw's truck. I remember climbing into the truck thinking "this isn't real. This is some sick joke they are playing on me. This is a dream."  I sat in the truck, smelling his smell, looking at all of his stuff.

When I finally found the keys and started to head back into the house, I heard the tractor. I looked over on the farm to see Pawpaw's big green john deer rolling up and down the field.

"THERE HE IS!"  

My heart started to pound.

Then it sank.

"it's not him."

When the farmer dies the farm still has to be worked. 

Mawmaw had hired someone to come help with the farm.

Tomorrow, Thursday April 21, 2011, my Pawpaw's big green tractor goes up for auction, along with all of his other farm equipment.

I feel like someone is pouring vinegar in my wound that was just starting to heal.

He died a little over 3 years ago. 

It was sudden. 

One minute he was there and the next he was gone. 

No warning.  

Mom called to tell me that Pawpaw had went to the hospital but that he was fine and not to bother coming down. 

The next call I got was "Jessica, you're Pawpaw didn't make it."  

I wasn't there.  My Pawpaw died and I wasn't there.

I wasn't there.

I wasn't there.

I have found comfort in being surround by his stuff. I remember walking into Mawmaw's house and being so upset that she had cleaned out his closet, cleaned up his pipe, his glasses, his spilt tobacco ashes.

Now his stuff is being sold at action. Not just his stuff but his farm stuff. The stuff he used to work the farm that he worked SO HARD to get.  

A part of me wants to go to the auction. To say a farewell to all the STUFF.  

But I really don't think I could handle watching it go.  It is like someone is ripping a vital organ from my body.   I would make a foul of myself.

I'm making a foul of myself just typing this.

A friend told me "Jess, a death like that is not something you just get over. It is something that you have to deal with every day."

Oh Deer!

Monday morning started out as any other Monday morning. 

Roger got up super early to leave for class.  I got up to see him out the door.  It is something I have ALWAYS done.  Any time he leaves I give him a big hug and kiss along with a "be careful.  VERY careful.  I love you! Call me when you get there."

I sometimes joke with him "if something happens to you I don't have a pay check and I'll have to move back in with my parents. You don't want that to happen do ya?  so, drive careful."  :)

I went back to bed.

I woke up shortly after and felt the need to pray for Roger. 

I fell back asleep.

The next time I awoke Paul was curled up next to my back and Anna was standing on the floor next to my bed, looking into my face "mommy I need some breakfast!"

"Ok.... I'm up! "

We gathered around the table, all a bit drowsy, munching on cereal and talking about the funny pages in the Sunday paper.   

The kids love for me to read them the funny pages even though they have no clue what is so funny about them.  They even do the fake kid laugh. 

I NEVER get funny pages either. 

The phone rang. It was Roger.

"hey! what are you doing?  Did you get my message?"

"No. I'm sorry I didn't get it. What is up?"

'well, I'm just sitting here at a Bp station surrounded with all of my earthly possessions. Enjoying some coffee. Can you come pick me up?"

He then went on to tell me that he was okay but that  he hit a deer on the way to class and that the car is a total loss.

I got off of the phone.  Told the kids to pray to God and thank Him for protecting their Daddy.

As soon as I finally got the kids loaded into the car Anna yelled out "We are ready to SAVE THE DAY!!!"  Paul chimed in "YEAH!!!!  Super Heros to the rescue. Let's go SAVE DADDY!"

I put on Tom Petty and took a deep breath.

An hour later we arrived at the Bp Station. 

We found a giddy Roger surrounded by all of his stuff. 

Roger was like "oh well. i hit a deer. I no longer have car" and decided to enjoy his morning by calling up a college friend that lived in the area that we haven't seen in a long time.  

Roger and Jeff had a good little catch up conversation while enjoying donuts and coffee.  

When Jeff had to leave Roger enjoyed a nice little documentary on the Tv about Stonehenge. 

On the car ride home we joked around about how we should find the deer and get the "Got my First deer!" classic photo shot. But once we found the deer it was obvious that we SHOULD NOT take a picture with it. 

The poor deer was cut in half.  :(

It could have been so much worse than it was.  I could have lost my husband instead of just a car.

As soon as we got home Roger passed out in the bed. His neck and back were starting to get sore and he was completely EXHAUSTED.  

I, on the other hand, started to clean. 

I swept, mopped, scrubbed two toilets and a bathtub.  Then I started organizing the kitchen.  

That is what I do when I get a bit stressed.  

I CLEAN!

Roger got up after I put the kids down for a nap and went into the church office for the rest of the afternoon to work on Holy Week planning.

Can you believe all this happened during one of his busiest times?  He is 3 weeks away from the end of the semester and smack dab in the middle of Holy Week planning.

YIKES.

Two lovely ladies from the church were kind enough to make us dinner so we didn't have to worry about that.  It was nice to not think "what are we going to eat tonight?"  Plus, Madge brought over some YUMMY cupcakes that her friend had made.  THEY WERE SOOOOOOO GOOOOD!

i closed my eyes while I ate the cupcakes!!!!  They were THAT good!

Oh, and Paul's first soccer practice was yesterday afternoon at 6pm so it was nice for Roger to be there with me to watch little Paul at his first little soccer practice.  If it hadn't been for the deer Roger would have been in class and missed his sons first soccer practice!   

This morning the realization of me NOT HAVING A CAR has set in.  But in all honesty it should be fine.  

There are going to be days that I am completely stranded at home and I wont be able to just pack up to go on random adventures with the kids. But most of the time it should be fine.  

I'm VERy thankful that we live here with this big back yard and so close to downtown.

CAn you imagine if I was out in the middle of nowhere with no car?  

There are plenty of places that we can walk to living here!!  

We wont be able to get a second car for a while.  We are still trying to recover from from my new pacemaker, my appendix surgery, our water heater busting and taking out a loan on our second house.

It has been quite an interesting year for us.  

  :)  Boy oh Boy has it been an interesting year!

Stroller Fitness for New Mommies

For you new mommies out there.  

Have you heard of Stroller Stride??  

While I was living in Winchester I was part of a stroller fitness class that really helped get me back into shape after giving birth to little Anna. It is also a wonderful way to meet mommies in the community.   

If you aren't able to join a stroller fitness group you can look up simple exercises that you can do with your baby. You can search online, or through a book at your local library, or buy/rent a DVD. It really is a LOT of fun to exercise with the kids and it gives them a great example of good fitness habits.

My favorite exercise was when I would put baby Anna on my knees and do sit ups while talking to her "I'm going to get your nose!"

Trying to do squats with her in my arms was a whole other story.

As a result Anna and Paul LOVE exercising with me!  Paul has taken up jogging with me every now and again.

Here is a good little clip that I came across about the program.  You can go to the stroller stride link above to find a class near you.  OR...... you could start a class!!  OR...... you could just do it on your own after you learn some cool mommy/baby exercises!

I know it seems a little extreme at first and funny to see a massive amount of strollers at a park with mommies doing lunges but getting in shape really helps you have more energy to accomplish all your mommy tasks!  And exercising with other moms is just completely AWESOME! 

God Grew Tired of Us

On Thursday night Roger and I snuggled up to watch yet another documentary. We LOVE watching documentaries.  It is a GREAT way to get some learning into our extremely exhausted brains.

We decided on a documentary about The Lost Boys; a group of over 1,000 boys who fled to Kenya during the massacre in the Sudan.  During that time the government was either killing or castrating all young boys that lived in the south (I think I got that right?) so that that specific population would not be able to reproduce.  The boys ran into the woods when the soldiers entered their towns and began to slaughter whole villages.  

For 5 years the boys walked, some barefoot and naked, with little to no food or water, to seek refuge in Kenya. Along their journey they had to bury many of their friends who died from malnourishment. 

The documentary entitled God Grew Tired of Us, (it is on netflix) follows several of the boys in the journey from the Sudan, to Kenya, to America. This story brought so many emotions out in me. 

It is NOT a movie that you watch while eating popcorn. 

I was first introduced to the word Refugee in high school. 

The parents of one of the girls that I played Volleyball with were refugees.  They had fled their country of origin during an awful war and were given the opportunity to seek refuge in America. They had to start all over and I do mean ALL OVER. They came with only the cloths on their backs.  Their father was a doctor in his country but had to go all the way back through medical school AGAIN when he came to the states. He ended up being one of the doctors that checked on me during my stay in the ICU before I had my pacemaker put in. 

In college we had two friends that became Americacorps Workers for the Kentucky Refugee Ministries. Their jobs were to pick up the refugees from the airport, get them housing, drive them to the doctors, help them apply for jobs.......... and many many more things.  Every time we got together they would tell heart wrenching stories of poor little families fleeing war while leaving other family members behind. 

The thought of fleeing a war, arriving in a new country with only the clothes on my back, unaware of wether or not my family is dead or alive, is so frightening to me.  And to think that there are people all over the world going through this turmoil as I type this.  Young and Old.

Presently we have a friend who is in Kenya working for Church World Service. Her job is to go from camp to camp, interviewing refugees.  She has a blog that she updates frequently about her adventures. Here is a link to Amanda's blog. She has a specific blog about the work that she is doing so look for that.

In September my husband, Roger, will be traveling to Morocco to see first hand the work that is taking place within the refugee ministry there. I'm anxious to hear the stories that he will bring back to share with our congregation. We have talked about me tagging along with him if we manage to sell our house by then.  Having two house payments and only one of us getting payed for our work, makes me going on the trip financially CRAZY.

Who knows.....maybe one day I'll end up working with refugees.  That is the beauty of my M.Div degree.  There are so MANY different types of people I'll be able to be a part of helping!

A discussion with Paul

Often times in the afternoon while Anna naps, Paul and I sit on the couch and have crazy conversations

I wanted to share with you our latest mother-son discussion.

me- "WOW Paul, your foot is getting so big"

Paul- "yeah it is huge. I'm growing!"

me- "can you believe that that foot used to be in my belly?"

Paul- "wow, yeah!  now it is too big to fit in your belly"  (giggle)

me- "yep! your leg was in my belly" (paul giggled) "Your arm was in my belly" (another Paul giggle) "Your nose was in my belly" (hysterical laugh from Paul) "Even your little butt was in my belly!"

Paul- "WHAT?????  My butt was in your belly? That is DISGUSTING."

After that discussion Paul started examining my face

Me- "What are you looking at?"

Paul- "What is that little pit thing between your nose and lips?"

Me- "I'm not sure."

Paul- "Why is that there? What is it used for? What is it called?"

me- "I don't know. I've never really thought about it."

Paul- "hummm, interesting. Maybe it's called a nose pit. YOU HAVE A NOSE PIT!!"

I am a CRAZY journal keeping fool. I ALWAYS have my journal with me to write down funny little things the kids say, inspiring words that pop out of their smart little brains and feelings that I have at any given time (good and bad).

Teen MOPS

Ever since one of my best friends from elementary school told me that she was pregnant during our Freshman year of high school, I have felt this desire to minister to teen mothers.

 In college, just 6 months into our marriage, Roger and I found out that we were going to be parents. Although I wasn't a teen at the time, I was only 20 and SCARED TO DEATH.  

Being on a traditional college campus with a big ol' pregnant belly I was able to experience a tiny bit of the reticule that teen mothers go through on a  daily biases.  The most humiliating one being while I was in the cafeteria waiting in line to eat my dinner. 

I was a part of the Alpha Gamma Delta sorority so I was wearing my letter shirt. It was near the end of the school year and i was due in July. So my big ol' belly was showing BIG time.  The girls in front of me in line whispered to each other "oh my gosh i can't believe she is wearing her letters and she is pregnant. oh my gosh."   

I left my tray, full of food, and went back to my little married apartment and cried.   

I also got a lot of flack from one professor in particular.  That specific professor kicked me TWICE and humiliated me in-front of the whole class for accidently falling asleep during my third trimester. It was clear to EVERY ONE that he disliked me for being pregnant.  

Not to mention the strange looks of those who didn't know me "who is that pregnant girl walking around campus?"  Then later "look at that girl bringing a BABY to the LIBRARY. OH MY GOSH"

There has been discussion about starting a Teen MOPS at our church.

I'm am ALL ABOUT THAT!!!

In fact, I am willing to work my little butt off to get it started.

I found this link from another church that offers a Teen MOPS. This video that they made helps explain what this group is and how beneficial it is for the teen mothers in OUR community.

Then I found this video from a teen mother reflecting on her first visit to a church that offered a Teen MOPS program.  The audio is a bit messed up but it is worth listening to.  It just proves how big of an impacted Teen MOPS has on young mothers. 

So what if we start this program at our church and only 2 people show up?  

Even if only 2 young moms show up I strongly believe that is worth our time and effort.  

Tuesday was a very emotional day for me.

While I was making the kids breakfast I heard a big SNAP come from Anna's room. "Roger did you hear that big snap?" A few seconds later Paul stuck his head out the door "umm mom, that big snap you heard, well, umm, I just broke Anna's baby crib."   

My heart sank.

Paul was attempting to climb into the baby crib for some reason unknown to me. As he was pulling him self up on the side the bar snapped in two.  

At first I thought "no big deal right. we'll just wood clue that sucker back."  But on further examination we found that a massive screw was missing and several of the bars were on the verge of coming out of their slots. 

It was clearly no longer safe for any child to sleep in.

That morning while in the shower I had a mini break down. Massive tears began to fall and no matter of sucking it up stopped them. I claimed that I was grieving the lose of the precious baby bed. The baby bed that Roger's grandfather fixed up for us when we told him that we were pregnant with our first baby, his first great grandchild. But in truth, I was grieving the lose of the baby stage. 

When Anna found out that her baby crib was broken she too let massive crocodile tears fall. I held her close and cried with her.  Then Paul heard all the commotion and joined in. They cried for the bed while I cried that they were growing up so fast.  "how in the world can they be turning 6 and 3?"

Then this darn song stuck in my head all day long which caused even more tears

I know what you are thinking "give me a break Jess. It's not like they are headed to college or getting married off." 

I understand that. 

But understand me. 

For the past 6 years I have been a stay at home mommy. Every single day I have spent caring for and nurturing two small children. Because caring for two small children so close in age is incredibly demanding of your time, over the years my life has completely shifted to revolve around them. It is weird for me to all of a sudden have time to think about something other than my children. It's weird to not have to be right by their side every second of the day. I sometimes find myself thinking in those quiet times when Paul and Anna are playing so nicely together "does any one need me to do anything for them? anyone at all?"

I have reached, in a sense, that stage of parenthood where I am required to step back and give them a little space to learn and grow. It has been a big adjustment for me. 

It has forced me to reevaluate my sense of self. Who am I?  besides a mother and a wife. WHO AM I?

This is the point where I am going to admit that I am VERY happy that I opted to give seminary a break until the kids get older and Roger graduates with his M.Div.  Although I am sad that next year Paul starts kindergarten and then in 2 years little baby Anna starts, I am excited that another chapter in my life will start.  I'll still be the stay at home mommy but I'll be the stay at home mommy that goes to seminary while you are in school!!  

Since seminary takes like 5 years, when I actually get my degree and start to work with my M.Div my children will be 11 and 14 years old.   And yet ANOTHER chapter starts.  

Chapters thus far include..... Chapter 1: married in college with a baby on the way

                                    Chapter 2: married in college WITH a tiny baby
                                 Chapter 3: married in college WITH a toddler

                               Chapter 4: 3 month hospital bedrest with anna

                                 Chapter 5: full time stay at home mother of two

Anyway, back to the baby crib breaking:

We ended up giving Paul our old full size mattress and Anna got Paul's old toddler bed. 

I didn't have the heart to throw the baby crib away "Maybe Amanda Hervey  can find something crafty to do with this beautiful bed!" so we put it in the garage just in case.

As we were carrying the baby crib out Roger stopped, looked at me and said "Are you ok?" I completely melted into yet another puddle of tears and snot "People our age are in that transition of either getting married or having their first baby. We are transitioning into our 7th year of marriage, toddler beds and kindergarten. I'm just really sad and feel all alone"

Anna and Paul were very excited to go to bed in their new beds. In fact, they went to bed pretty early that night and were super giddy while brushing their teeth.  

The next day, wednesday, I wasn't as emotional about the beds. In fact, I took the kids up to the church (a GREAT windy place on a hill) and flew a kite with them. As I watched Anna and Paul take turns running with the kite in their hands, giggling "the kite is following me mom!" I was at peace. 

We have made such a beautiful little family!

Here are some pictures to share:

taking down the crib

Anna in her new toddler sized bed

sleeping time

Anna helping Paul test out his new BIG boy bed

the big boy bed for Paul

Flying the kite the next day at church

Winnie the Pooh

often times children's books say the most profound things to me

Don't you just LOVE that?

Christopher Robin says this to Winnie the Pooh:

"Promise me you'll always remember: you're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think" 

I REALLY needed to read that today

And I found the quote on etsy.com and since my 27th birthday is next month (May 6) I am going to get it for my HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME present!

Spring Break: stay at home mommy style

This week has been a challenge to survive. 

Paul's preschool is on Spring Break for 2 weeks which means that precious time from 9 to 11:30 every tuesday through friday is gone. That time spent only having to watch a demanding yet loving two year old has been replaced with "anna is taking my toys," and "mom anna bit me again," and "MOM SHE WONT LEAVE ME ALONE."

I admit that I have had a blast not having to get everyone up, fed, dressed and out the door by a certain time. That has been fabulous but far from relaxing. 

Paul has been extra clingy this week. He follows me through the house talking a mile a minute. He loves telling funny jokes that he makes up himself so I have had to do a lot of fake laughter.

"he he HA HA HA that's a good one!"

With all the head aches from the screaming children and the constant redirection where I have tried my best to remain very calm ("anna look what you did to your brother. you bit him. he loves you so much and you bit him. now, was that good to do to your brother?  go sit in time out.")  I have still managed to have a great week with the kids.

That makes me think that maybe JUST MAYBE I was called to be a stay at home mother!!!

Paul and I have had lots of time to talk, snuggle, play super hero and peter pan, and do his new favorite thing........... play BOARD GAMES.   The child LOVES board games and honestly I love them too so it works out pretty well.  They give me a chance to SIT DOWN and enjoy my TEA!!!!!   (guess who, chutes and ladders, candy land, checkers, chess..... he also likes uno)

Anna, with the loss of that precious 2 1/2 hrs spent ALONE with mommy each morning, has turned on her bad kid mode. Bad kid mode for Anna is when she does bad things to get attention. Like bite paul for no reason or  run into Paul's room, grab his toys and throw them all over the place. She REALLY loves and needs that time with me all to herself.  She is confused as to why Paul is here ALL OF THE TIME and I think she is getting tired of him being here ALL OF THE TIME.

Bless his heart, little Paul is starting to drive me nuts. His personality is a combination of imaginative and emotional. He makes up these elaborate imaginative worlds and gets his feelings hurt when I am distracted with Anna and can't join in.

The balancing act of caring for two people, a house and a husband has been very challenging this week. Every one needs my undivided attention at ALL TIMES. 

This morning as I was sitting alone for my quiet Bible/prayer time Paul poked his head in the door "hey mom, I love you!"  Then the next thing I knew he had his whole train set at my feet and started putting it together. "Paul, buddy, what are you doing?"  he smiled really big and said "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH that I want to be by you all of the time!"

yes, what he did was super sweet and melted my heart so I let him sit there to play but I would be a BIG fake if I didn't admit that it was a little annoying as well.    

This week I have completely morphed into humble servant mode from the AM until their PM bedtime. Once the kids were in bed I plopped myself on the couch and stuck my nose into a good library book until I got sleepy. 

 Sorry husband of mine for ignoring you all week :(  Thank you for being such a good husband that you understood and didn't even try to bother me!

This week has taught me that those 2 1/2 hours that I get each day with Anna are precious. I feel like I haven't gotten any time with her this week. I guess that is the nature of the 2nd child?

Because Paul is a clingy child and Anna has that independent personality it is easy to forget about her and her needs of attention as well.  Paul THRIVES on attention, undivided attention, where as Anna THRIVES on destroying any and everything she can get her hands on.  It is a strange combination to have and deal with on a daily bases.  

So, basically I am EXHAUSTED.  

I am emotionally and physically drained from tending to the emotional and physical needs of two children all day long.  

But that is the nature of my full time mommy job!    

And I'll add here that I do feel VERY blessed that we have been able to budget enough for me to stay home to raise my children and that God has gifted me with a somewhat PATIENT personality.  But truthfully I AM SOOOOOOO TIRED of the kids following me around where ever I go........

I went upstairs to type out this blog. Their traveling concert followed me upstairs to play music for me while I typed.