Spiritual Retreat

Roger and I went to a retreat center for ministers and missionaries this weekend. Seminary starts back on Monday and life once again becomes crazy. I turn into a single mother and he turns into a father with two full time jobs. To be completely honest... I have a massive amount of anxiety about class starting back.

So, we retreated into nature!

There is a small place in the middle of nowhere....THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE....that is available for ministers and their families to come for a time of spiritual renewal, fasting and listening to God. You are given a cabin and 500 acres to roam around on. We mainly stayed near the cabin reading, drinking tea, coffee and warm milk with honey, reading our devotionals, knitting, praying and talking to one another.

Our mornings were spent in solitude, away from one another. I took that time to read through my devotional and sit in silence as I watched the sun rise through the trees.
The rest of the day was spent listening to one another and to God. We both have a lot of stuff going on at the moment so it was nice to just BE.

We also went exploring!
I am a sucker for the woods. I thrive on being engulfed in nature.! At one point while we were out gazing at the magnificent stars I announced to the whole world that "some day I will live in a little cabin in the middle of nowhere. Oh dear nature I love you so!"

It was wonderful!

The whole time we were there I couldn't stop thinking about one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite artists, Phil Wickham.

Take a listen and be inspired!

Knitting Season is Here

The past couple of mornings have been so cool! I have been able to open the windows to let in the fresh air and sunshine. I love this time of year. Who doesn't? The air conditioner gets turned off, the windows get opened, and my knitting needles come out to play. Hats, Mittens, Scarfs and Socks OH MY!!!!


I'm super excited about this knitting season because I have a massive amount of little projects already lined up.

First project at hand or shall I say at the needles? HA HA HA HA HA Is a beautiful green scarf in a diamond shape pattern.

The kids go to bed and my needles come out along with a yummy glass of hot tea from my new favorite tea shop Cuppa (www.cuppateacafe.com). They have a wonderful selection of loose leaf teas to buy. Go check it out.

Tonight AS SOON AS Roger got home I headed to the craft store. It was AWESOME! I saw a few mothers there with their children and thought "yep, did that once and will avoid that at all cost." Anna enjoys craft stores WAY TOO MUCH so I have to leave her at home.

I had the yarn section ALL TO MY SELF!!! I felt as if I were on a spiritual pilgrimage. I was outside of the house.....with out the children....at a craft store.

Shhhhh I'll tell you a secret.....I also sneaked over to the book store on the way back home! *****BIG SMILE*****

As I was leaving the book store Roger called to inform me that he had a wonderful surprise waiting for me at home. I HATE the suspense of a surprise so I demanded he tell me over the phone. He had rented a cabin for us at a retreat center for ministers and missionaries! HOW LOVELY!!!

Happy knitting season to all and to all a cool night!

I deleted facebook

So, I deleted facebook.

It is something I have been convicted about for the last two years. But even more so the last week.

Every morning Roger and I do this devotion by the upper room called A Guide to Prayer for All Who Seek God. Every single reading for last week said to me "delete facebook....delete facebook." You know when you read something and hear God speaking directly to you through the text? Yep, that's what went on all last week.

Saturday night was spent taking pictures, videos, and notes I had written while on bed-rest with Anna, off of my profile. Once the task of preserving our memories was complete I sat thinking the whole thing through. Then, at 11:59pm, I deleted my facebook profile. I wanted to start Sunday fresh!

It feels a little strange. I kinda feel like I have committed facebook suicide. I no longer exist to many people. I am gone. Those people don't exist to me.

Doesn't that say something about how wrapped up we are in the community of faces?

God made us to live in community with one another and yet we are all too concerned about individuality. We want only to commune with people on our terms. We would rather spy on someone from a distance than actually speak to them face-to-face in order to get to know them.

If I consider myself someone who values community then it doesn't make since for me to be on facebook. I would rather talk to you on the phone, have dinner with you or go for a walk in the park. I don't want you to get to know me and judge me through a simple profile and I don't want to get to know you or judge you through a simple profile.

Mother-Daughter Day

Anna Cathrine and I have had a wonderful morning!

Last night we both decided that today would be a mother/daughter day. So, this morning we sent the boys off to church in Etwon and we stayed home to sip tea, chit chat, clean the house, do the laundry and sort through all of the lovely little ladies clothes.

For those of you who have not met Anna in person, she LOVES to chit chat. The child talks nonstop about everything. She doesn't just talk to herself. She wants you to listen carefully and respond appropriately. It is kinda exhausting sometimes and hilarious the other times.

First thing this morning she told me she wanted to be a preacher. Then she preached to me while she stood in the pray stance and I had to say "AMEN" when she was finished. When she got finished with her sermon she decided she wanted her hair "fixed all pretty!" I put it up in pig tails!

Around 10am while we were dancing around the house putting the laundry away, listening to Switchfoot, she explained to me that she needed a nipple holder. I asked "what?" Then she went on to explain that a bra is a nipple holder and that she needs one for her nipples. she held out her chest, pulled her shirt up and said in a sing-song "here are my nipples!"


Between 11 and 11:30am we sorted through her clothes. Beth had given us Jill's old clothes and we were finally getting around to looking through them. Anna kept grabbing shirts/pants/dresses and declaring her love for them, "oh this is bootyful. I wuv it. It is my favowit shirt ever. It is so cowl!" Then we had a fashion show!

For lunch we both enjoyed some left over Moroccan Stew. She grabbed every little piece and declared "WHAT IS THIS?" before she would but it in her mouth.

This afternoon, while playing baby dolls on the front porch she ran up to me and said "look, look, LOOK this baby has no penis! It only has a butt, a butt, A HUGE BUTT!"

Now she is currently running around the house singing songs she has made up.

I have no clue how she has so much energy. She constantly goes and goes and goes. If she is awake she is running through a room somewhere, talking about something.

No wonder why she sleeps so well during nap time and bed time. The child wears herself out.

Open Space

I just absolutely LOVE this song! (posted below) It gives me that fresh youthful feeling that reminds me of those long summer days spent on the family farm.

Just about every day was spent roaming around through the woods with all my cousins, in search of the best wood to make a fort. Pretty much our whole childhood was spent building forts or bridges. We never really played in them once they were built but boy oh boy did we build a lot of forts. And we were REALLY serious about building them!

During the winter, when it was really too cold to build forts outside we would climb in the hay loft and build MASSIVE forts in the hay. We would put our coveralls on, grab all the flash lights in mawmal's house and take off on our golf carts, go carts and motorcycles to the barn. I'm surprised non of us have grown up to be builders.

I miss climbing the massive tree in mawmal's front yard and sitting there for hours reading.

I miss riding the motorcycle through the farm chasing the cows. Those poor poor cows. I believe there were whole days I would spend riding the motorcycle around.

I miss sitting in the woods for hours and hours just sitting. Not having a care in the world.

I miss hiking for hours and still being on our property.

Mostly I miss being in the middle of nowhere. I miss the noise of nothingness. I want to own my own farm one day. I want to own so much land that I can get lost on it. I want to get up in the morning, walk out my back door and go on a hike through open fields. I want to come home from a long day and pop a squat in the middle of some tall grass and watch the clouds move across the sky

I dream too much about stuff.I know. I romanticize too much. I know. My head is always somewhere else. I know. I need to work on that. I know. But I am determined to one day have a little farm. I don't need a massive one. Just a little one. Just some open space. I enjoy open space.

Worship in the Park

Boy oh boy do I have a story for you all!

Tuesday I walked the kids up to College Park to play. Paul wanted to practice his baseball skills and Anna wanted to swing. When we arrived we noticed a little boy and his grandmother playing near the toddler play set. All three of the kids started playing together nicely so the grandmother and I started to chit chat! I love those little chit chats at the park! This one turned out to be GOD SENT!!

The Grandmother, Mrs Susan, turned out to be a denominational worker who's job is to go into small churches as a children's ministry consultant. I mentioned that our small church was looking to incorporate a children's worship and that we were interested in a program called Godly Play. She new exactly what I was talking about because that is what she does! Then we discussed the cost of Godly Play, the amount of space it requires and the difficulties that a small church would face in trying to start up such a large program. Then she explained a program that she had formed out of the Godly Play curriculum in order to allow smaller churches to begin the process of a children's worship without all of the material that Godly Play requires. It costs a LOT of money and requires a LOT of time to start up Godly Play.

We agreed to meet back at the park this morning, Friday, at 9:30am to discuss the curriculum more in depth. So, I convinced Roger, my minister, to join me.

When we arrived Mrs.Susan set up the children's worship spot right there at the park beside the basketball court. Then we all sat around and had a worship service in the park. It was wonderful!!! She made copies of all the material for us and wrote down all the book titles that she used and recommends to use. Paul, Anna and Caleb thoroughly enjoyed having worship in the park! Roger and I enjoyed learning!

That's God for ya!

Roger and I have both been praying about what to do in regards to the children's service and here is this woman playing with her grandson in the park!

It was one of those moments where you don't have to ask yourself whether or not it was from God. It is pretty obvious God put all of us there at that specific park, at that specific time, to have Mrs. Susan bring the answer to our prayers.

here are pictures of the worship service in the park!

Steve Martin's Parenthood

I have been thinking about the Steve Martin movie, Parenthood, for several days. I NEED to sit down with a glass of white wine and enjoy the movie with Roger. Anna and Paul are DRIVING US NUTS. Anna has taken up the job of a mountain explorer and Paul has taken up the job of a scientist. Anna climbs on, grabs, and rips any thing that passes within her vision. She also enjoys seeing just how far and fast she can run from you. I'm beginning to think she LOVES the time out rug. Paul asks "but why" or "how" all day long.

I know this is normal for his age, as is Anna's behavior but when he asks "why did you make coffee? how do you make coffee? can I make coffee? how long does it take you to drink that coffee? what does the coffee taste like? Can I drink the coffee? why can't I drink the coffee? if the coffee tastes disgusting then why do you drink it? why is coffee black?" all while I am trying to enjoy some coffee and keep Anna from climbing on the kitchen counter to get to her "gummie snacks in that door," I feel as if I could just crumble into the floor.

There is a good reason why they separate the 5 year old class and the 2 year old class at a preschool/ daycare. It is nearly impossible to watch them at the same time. They are just simply at different developmental stages.

I feel as if from 7:20am this morning, to 2pm this afternoon, was a complete blur. I was in a constant state of redirecting or directing. I told Roger and I should call myself a Life Couch instead of a Stay-At-Home mom.

Combining these two glorious stages (preschooler and toddler) reminds me of bringing a infant home for the first time. A LOT OF WORK and a lot of WHAT DO I DO NOW. I guess we just learn as we go and pray that we don't screw them up too awfully bad. The problem is that each time I think I have figured a developmental stage out and how to handle that specific child, the child jumps into a different stage and I have to start ALL OVER AGAIN.

So, enjoy the clip! I am going to put the kids to bed early and enjoy the WHOLE MOVIE!

House Update

Just to keep you all updated about our housing situation. Our home that is for sale in Winchester is still for sale. But the house in Elizabethtown is nearing the completion. It will still be a while before they are finished remodeling but they are no longer tearing down things!! They have now started the rebuild!

Sunday after church we went for a walk through to see the new walls and pick out paint. Roger kept the kids outside playing in the back yard while I walked from room to room holding up paint cards. Curtis gave me a massive bundle...MASSIVE BUNDLE....to look through. Later Roger walked through the house with the cards and we did a team huddle to decide which colors for which rooms.

We also talked about what color the front door will be, the color of the shutters, the type and color of the door knobs. We aren't picky people and we have no clue what we are doing so the decision process was very easy. Later we will be talking about carpet. I imagine that will be pretty easy as well.

Paul would like to request that a tree house be built in the back yard. He is currently saving pennies to pay for the wood! :)

We also discovered AWESOMENESS in the back yard. TWO CHERRY TREES and a GRAPE VINE!!! It's like my childhood all over again. I would spend hours just sitting in mawmal and pawpal's cherry tree eating cherries until I got sick. I did the same thing with their grape vine. YUM!! I'll have to learn to can from mawmal and make cherry jam.

We are terribly excited about moving! It has been so cool to watch this house being reborn. I sure hope the colors we picked out aren't too weird....Alabaster (all down stairs), Rain Drop (all upstairs), Champagne (all three bathrooms), and Soft Suede (master suite). Anna and Paul picked their colors. A very light pink for anna and green for paul.

Roger's sermon

Here is a sermon from Roger that was filmed this winter during The Academy of Preacher's Festival of Young Preachers. A time in which young ministers(male and female) get together to learn from one another, encourage one another and inspire one another. I personally think this festival is amazing because being a minister or a minister's spouse comes with its share of hardships and criticisms. It is nice to gather amongst those who see their call to ministry within the church. Sharing stories of failure, hardship and also bliss and success is often times the only thing that gets you through the mud that tends to appear during times of transition, conflict and stress. I mean, who couldn't use a little pat on the back from someone who has been in your exact situation? I know I always welcome it!

Roger is now, at the age of 26, a senior minister of a growing Cooperative Baptist Fellowship Church. He will receive his Master of Divinity (a 90 hr program) with in the next year and a half.

One of the most awesome things about our new church is that it is full of members that are former ministers, chaplains, missionaries and people who are so incredibly understanding when it comes to the life of a minister's family. We really feel like we have a whole community of support!

I put this up here for family and friends who have not been able to join us at church. So, here ya go.......

Randomness

We are getting ready to leave for a town about 3 hours away to spend three days in a hotel with two small children. Then drive up to church on Sunday before driving back home. I am hopeful it should be a VERY interesting ADVENTURE. The good news is that it is a nice hotel with a pool and fitness center. YAY!!!! And I have a great book I am reading (The Poisonwood Bible)

We have a friend from high school that is getting married and has asked Roger to preside over the wedding. HIGH FIVE FOR WEDDINGS! Good thing I LOVE wedding cake!!! MMMMMMM Because we have been to a lot of weddings lately and there are still more to come. I wonder if there will be dancing at this one? I just love to dance. Roger doesn't like to but I have Paul and Anna to swing around with me! This wedding should be pretty cool in every way. It is going to be in a CAVE. Yep, you read that right. IN A CAVE!!!! How awesome is that?!?!?! Paul and I are super excited about seeing the cave!!! It is a cave that I have been wanting to visit since freshman year of college.

In other unrelated news, Anna and Paul have been up to their crazy ways. There is not a day that goes by that I don't laugh so hard I cry.

Anna's story:
I walked up the stairs and found her sitting at the top, with only her underwear and sandals on. She had lotion all over herself and was rubbing it ALL OVER the wall. I said "Anna, what are you doing?" she smiled and said "I rub lotion on my back, on my belly and on my NIPPLES!!" She said nipples in a sing song type of voice. Then she leaned over and whispered "I rub lotion on your body, mom?!?!"

Paul's story:
I was sitting on the couch reading a book, sipping some tea and he ran up to me and said in a VERY frustrated voice, "when is it going to SNOW? I've been waiting for 7 whole weeks." Then he proceeded to stare out the window praying for snow. I've explained the whole "there are 4 seasons" thing to him but I guess it just hasn't clicked. Or maybe he has a lot more faith than I do and really believes that if you pray hard enough for something that God will give it to you.


IT IS SOOOOOO HOT OUTSIDE. UHGGGGGGGG YUCK

Maria Augusta Trapp

I just finished reading an autobiography written by Maria Augusta Trapp! It is the true story, in her own words, that inspired the Disney movie, The Sound of Music.

It was beautiful! The movie only really depicts the first few chapters of the book. And of course, in true Disney style, the deep religious aspect was taken out. Their story is AMAZINGLY INSPIRATIONAL. I cried. I giggled. I ran around reading quotes to anyone who would listen.

Reading this autobiography was transformational. First of all, Maria is a wonderful writer. She is reflective to the point that you feel as if you are having a cup of tea with her in the kitchen and she is telling you her life story. She is hilarious. She always manages to find the humor in the most horrible of situations. She is deeply spiritual. Any where she lived she had a priest with her and a chapel built. The whole family prayed the hours together, celebrated feast days and fasted together. Every thing that happened in her life she compared to a biblical story that she drew upon for inspiration.

I read this book as if I were reading a spiritual devotion. It is that eye opening.

very rarely do I get my hands on a book that makes me feel as if I am sipping water while I read it. It was so refreshing!!

So, I would advise anyone reading this to check it out OR BUY IT!!!

I plan on one day visiting the location in Austria and Vermont. That would be incredible!!! who wants to take me?!?!?!

Sunday reflections

Today was pretty great.

Getting up before the sun in order to drive all the way to church is getting kinda old but the good news is that the house we are buying is looking AWESOME! A guy in the church is remodeling a 1952 cape cod. He has completely gutted it. The past couple of weeks he has torn down most of the inside walls and re worked the floor plan, put in all new plumbing, a new furnace, new duct work and today we were informed that he has put the walls up. YAY WE HAVE WALLS!!! I'm going to go this week to look at paint samples! I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!!!

Service this morning was beautiful! We had a missionary couple from Morocco speak. Need I say more!

This afternoon the kids and I crashed at a church members house while Roger visited with shut ins. We attempted to nap.....didn't work......and we attempted to explore the town......didn't work. During the nap the kids were too excited to sleep and during the exploring I kept getting lost "31w.....31w.....31w.......AAAAAAHHHH I CAN'T GET OFF 31W! DIXIE WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT AAAAAAHH"

I managed to finally find the Barnes and Noble book store so that I could get a Latte. However, the kids do not understand what it means to run in, grab something and run back out. WE had to check out the train in the back, then the books, then they had to pee, then they needed to check out the water fountain, then they didn't want to leave.

Finally got them out the door...."Ok, ummmmm how do I get back to church? ummmmmmm"

I was late for the fellowship meal and business meeting but I think I have figured out the 31W situation!

As I was walking in Paul dropped the latte that I worked so hard to get. I wanted to lick it off of the pavement but I thought that would be a bad idea. So, I just drank the small amount that was left in the cup and prayed it would keep me awake for the drive home.

The business meeting was hilarious. There was a lot of stuff that was accomplished but there was a lot of laughter and happy faces!!! Listening to the minutes was the funniest part!! I love that the church is full of laughter!!!

After the business meeting Roger and I took the kids for a walk around the old part of town. We walked and talked and walked and talk until it was too dark to really see our way back to the car. Then we headed back to the town we are currently in....about an hour and 1/2 away.

It was a great day even though I am exhausted and my head is pounding.

I can't wait to get to know other people in town. Join a MOPS group. Get Paul in preschool. Maybe start a stroller fit class. Makes me smile to think about it!

Sacrificial Love

Both of my children are out of diapers.

I mean, like, we will not have to buy diapers ever again.

They are both out of diapers.

How weird is that??

I am a mother to two children in underwear.

They wear underwear.

They pee and poo in the potty.

There are several people from college that have just recently had babies or are getting ready to have babies. It is so neat to watch them go through all the changes that pregnancy and parenthood brings! The things that were once so important become so small and the love that you once felt for your significant other grows into something that you just can't contain inside of your chest. You have so much love within you that you feel as if you could burst open with pure joy! (Most of the time)

Honestly, the transformation that takes places when you become a parent isn't something that you can explain in words. You have to just sit back and wait until those around you get to experience the pure joy that emerges when you give your life to another.

As I was reading a book by Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz, I couldn't help but think about parenthood and marriage. There was a chapter on Community where he spoke about how hard it was going from living alone to sharing a house with five other men. He always felt that someone was interrupting his train of thought. That he needed a substantial amount of alone time every single day. When he was well rested, had finished every single little thought process in his head and was in the mood to be social, then and only then, would he commune with his house mates.

I sympothized with him. I have been in his situation. Getting married and having children isn't just about the "head over heals I am so in love with you that I want to be with you 24/7." It is really about learning to live in community. As you enter within the community you slowly begin to change from an egocentric, self-centered little brat (totally talking about myself) into a person who wakes up daily willing to die to yourself. It isn't about you any more. Really it never was about you. Using Donald Miller here, he explains how you no longer see yourself as the main character in your own little story and others as supporting roles that are or are not welcome in the plot.

Donald Miller wrote about an experience he had at a bed and breakfast that left him troubled about the way he viewed his housemates as interruptions of his story, his alone time, his need for his own space. It begins on page 185:

"I was in San Francisco recently staying at this bed and breakfast place for people who are in the city to do ministry. It was a small house but there were probably fifteen people living there at the time. The guy who ran the place, Bill, was always making meals or cleaning up after us, and I took note of his incredible patience and kindness. I noticed that not all of us did our dishes after a meal and very few people thanked him for cooking. One morning, before anybody woke up, Bill and I were drinking coffee at the dinning room table. I told him I lived with five other guys and that it was very difficult for me because I liked my space and needed my privacy. I asked him how he kept such a good attitude all the time with so many people abusing his kindness. Bill set down his coffee and looked me in the eye. Don, he said, If we aren't willing to wake up in the morning and die to ourselves, perhaps we should ask ourselves whether or not we are really following Jesus."

What a powerful and convicting thing to think about!

We often think of being a follower of Jesus in terms of obeying the law, always being super happy, occasionally serving the "poor" when we feel like it. We tend to have this whole list of things you do as a follower of Jesus and a whole list of "don't do or you will be shunned by the church" list of things. But how often do we wake up with the thought "I'm going to die to myself today!"

We live in a culture that screams, be indepentent, reach your own goals and personal aspirations no matter the cost to relationships or the self worth of others. But,"when faced with the humble sacrifice of our Creator, how can we live our lives with any pretense of being greater than anyone else? What could be more unseemly, abominable, and more seriously punishable for a man than to see the God of heaven turn himself into a small child, while he continues to make himself greater above the earth?" (15 days of prayer with Saint Bernard)

Becoming a parent is a humbling a experiance. Everyday you wake up and die to yourself. You are there to serve, to love, to teach. It isn't just about you. Don't get me wrong, you need some alone time to regroup, Jesus was always darting off into the desert to pray. As a parent I would advise getting up early every morning to spend some alone time before the morning rush starts. Self care is important but too much self care is harmful.

This is how I see my ministry presently. I am first and foremost a mother and a wife. I have the most important job ever. To teach my children to live in community, to love one another, to care for on another even when you get nothing in return.

In a world that sees sacrificial love as worthless, I serve a God who sees it as beautiful!

Fixing the Car

Funny update on the car situation. We ran out of gas!!! HA HA HA HA BA HA HA HA HA. So, we put gas in it and it WORKS!

Today has been typical. VERY ADVENTURESS. Paul's imagination and Anna's curiosity have me plum exhausted by 1:30pm. That is when we all go down for a nap. I'm beginning to think that I am the only one that sleeps really hard and slobbers all over my pillow.

I played pirate ship and mermaid island for an hour with Paul today! That consisted of Anna and I flopping around on the floor (the ocean) and pretending to be trying to get away from the cannon balls (foam balls) that the pirate (paul) was throwing at us. ugggg arrrrrrr swim swim swim. ahhhhh

I painted Anna's finger nails and toe nails! the paint on her thumb is gone. she sucks that thumb. oh well.

I took them both to the library to pick out a movie but I wouldn't allow them to pick out any books. Doesn't that sound horrible? But they have WAY TOO MANY library books at home that they didn't want to part with.

We played in the kiddy pool and ran through the sprinklers! Well, that was until I looked out the window, after having come inside to check on the dinner I was making and noticed a big snake slide under the bush near the kiddy pool. SCREAM!! RUN!!!! AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

After dinner, when it had finally cooled down to the mid 80's I took them to the park. Paul has finally gotten the hang of swinging by himself!!! However, he still hasn't gotten the hang of not complaining over every single thing. man alive.

Once I finally got the kids to bed I grabbed a nice homemade brownie (got the recipe from the Joy of Cooking), sprinkled some powdered sugar on it and ATE IT!!! YUMMY!!! YUMMY!!!! MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Roger came home after I hid the evidence of the brownie attack and he has completely crashed on the bed. I wonder if he will sleep all night with his feet on the pillow and his head at the bottom of the bed. sure hope not. Poor little feller. Must be uncomforatble to fall asleep with your belt still on. hummmmm

Ps: I am taking my mom on a mother/daughter date on saturday. Dinner at my favorite restaurant, A La Lucia followed by The Sound of Music at the Opera House!!! I'm super excited!!

praying for patience

We took Paul to the high school running track to practice running. He wants to run a little kid race that is 1/2 mile. That is a pretty good little way for a little person with little legs that has never really run any long distances. I'm trying to run with him. Roger enjoys just watching!

On the way home our car quit. just stopped in the middle of the road. We coasted onto a side street and started the trek back home. Then we remembered we had the jogging stroller and a whole case of water bottles in the trunk of the car. THANK YOU LORD!!

As soon as we got back to the house Roger jumped in the other car to head back to figure out what is going on with the one that just quit. I opened up some mail while trying to calm the kids down. A BILL from the anesthesiologist office. HOLY CRAP.

So now I have the hospital bill, the clinic bill AND a anesthesiologist bill? On top of a possible car fixer man bill? Great.

I am very thankful for our savings account! But man alive.

I feel horrible that I have cost our little family so much money in medical bills. It is hard not to feel guilty about it even though they don't see it that way. Staying alive is so expensive.

All I can do is laugh at the situation and pray for patience. lots and lots of patience. or I might explode.

Open House bombed

My heart song this week!




We worked and worked to get the house show ready. We need to sell this house. I am at the point where I want to just move to etown with a tent and camp at freeman lake, bathe at etown fitness and eat beans out of a can.

I want to move.

I need to move.

SOMEONE BUY OUR HOUSE!!!!

We had an open house on sunday from 2-4pm. NO ONE SHOWED UP. ***stab in the heart** * we are lowering the price today. ***tear***

Trying to be part of a community that you know you are going to move out of and trying to be part of a community you know you are moving into, is so confusing. It is just plum strange.

If only roger and God would have listened to me when I was little. :) "I wanna build a house on mawmal and pawpal's farm way back in the corner, under the big trees." But no. Life just doesn't work out how we imagine it will when we are in the 4th grade. Nope. It sure doesn't.

I feel pretty content. I'm just sitting here in this beautiful old home waiting for some one to make an offer. It is pretty relaxing though. I must admit. I get up every morning to enjoy a good book and hot tea on the porch. Then I tend to the children all day. Which is fun and hilarious most days. The afternoons are full of laughter, food and sunshine. Then in the late evenings I enjoy my bedtime tea and a long conversation with my best friend since 4th grade.

The porch swing gets a lot of use during the summer months!!

However, I have not given up hope that one day I will have a little farm with goats, cows and chickens. I'm trying to convince Roger that when we move to etown we should put a goat in the back yard!!! maybe 2 goats from my Godmother and 4 chickens from mawmal!!! I guess we'll see. Maybe I'll sneak a goat in and he'll wake up, look out the back window and say "ummm jess. there is a goat in our back yard." I'll just smile and say "well, I have no clue."